You’re Being Called Anarchists Because You’re Anarchists

Mick Zano

Let me get this straight. If a president is elected twice on a premise, let’s say to insure more Americans, and his or her party holds the senate and the White House—oh, and the Supreme Court gives its blessings—the minority can still defund and block said legislation because they feel strongly about it? Okay…wait, what?!

I feel strongly that Republican brains should be studied in laboratories to see what the hell went wrong, but that doesn’t mean it’s going to happen. Besides, just finding enough samples alone could take years (Abby Normal joke omitted by the Mel Brooks Foundation).

During the Bush epoch I never said, “Well, I know I’m not technically elected but damnit I’m going filibuster.” Mr. Mick goes to Washington? You can’t just make shit up. Oh wait, that’s all these people do. Never mind.  

Conventional wisdom suggests we will avoid a shut down next week—that the republicans are bluffing. I don’t share that sentiment. Yes, some republicans have distanced themselves from Cruz and the Tea Partiers, but, as we have already seen, waiting until the last minute can wreak its own havoc on our system.  I think far right extremists will continue to deal blow after blow to our stock market and to our credit rating, all in name of fiscal conservatism. I am not convinced we will skate unscathed through every tea bag we face. If we don’t get our asses handed to us next week, debt ceiling day (DCD) looks even worse. This is a gauntlet of completely unnecessary crises, similar to the last Daily Discord barcrawl. Okay, our excuse for last weekend’s antics involves Irish car bombs; what’s the republican’s excuse?

Then, when our economic world falls apart, they will attempt to shift the blame back to Obama, all for the purpose of allowing me to recycle this old joke:

Universal healthcare soup kitchen

Wow, thanks! I had nothing today.

Then we can discuss how Obama ruined everything on a nice soup line somewhere. Remember when I said the Tea Party would have grave consequences for our recovery and our collective future? Shit is looming—in the form of a Cruz missile aimed at our assets. I will never understand how these people think. In 2009 I was stunned to see a group form who actually thought: “You know, as far as stupidity goes, I don’t think Bush went far enough.” If that was their take away message, can’t we take them away? I know a good inpatient program.

The Tea Party is the only major faction whose majority supports a government shutdown. If this occurs it could deal a serious blow to these fanatics, but at what cost? Some on the right are actually trying to argue that it’s now up to Obama to avoid a government shutdown. WHAT?! No it isn’t. Pinning a government shutdown on Obama is kind of like blaming the tree that “jumped out” in front of Lindsay Lohan’s car. I’m sorry, I in no way wanted to imply that The GOP is more stable than Miss Lohan.

Obama is not going to give up his legacy achievement when the GOP doesn’t have the votes.  Oh, I can see a conservative president falling for that one:

“Yeah, the Dems don’t have enough votes, but we’re going to raise taxes on the rich anyway because they’re acting out, really bad. I’m scared. I’m going to pee myself, right here in the Rose Garden.”

—President John Q. Republican

The consensus on the left is that Boehner will not ride his party’s sick ideology over the cliff. I don’t know. I fear the psych patients are already running the ward. You see, you need sixty votes in the Senate to defund Obamacare, also known as:

Dear Republicans,

You need sixty votes in the Senate to defund Obamacare. Try starting this quest by finding a republican who can count that high.

Sincerely,

Mick Zano

P.S. When you find one then I will explain step 2.

So we either:

Insure more people via a healthcare alternative originally conceived by republicans as a cost containment system.

Or:

We have a global economic collapse…on principle!

Yes, as we have learned from the Bush years…um…er…republicans haven’t learned anything from the Bush years. They don’t like to just screw up the U.S. economy; they like to trigger collapses of the global variety. Think big, vote republican. They’re such an industrious bunch. Remember when I asked the GOP way back when, “So what do you do for your next trick?” Well, I think we have an answer.

If we do shutdown, which I think is more likely than conventional wisdom suggests, then Obama will be forced to pull some executive stunt to keep things going that will piss everyone off further.  Maybe not next week, but in near the future I think the damage the Tea Party brand will inflict is likely to be significant, if not catastrophic. When you misinform a group this badly, this completely, these are the results, aka thanx Fox News! I didn’t need any money for my retirement anyway.

Republicans: we don’t just cause the economic downturns, we sabotage any chance at a viable recovery.

These guys are great multi-shafters. I thought we would be okay as long as the republicans never reassumed command but, if they’re impervious to even the basic rules of our system, all bets are off. I don’t want to be right again. If I am, we’re screwed. The GOP truly believe that if they derail all things Obama somehow they will return to power; that they will be greeted as liberal liberators. But what will they inherit?

Mad Max

Good luck with that. Now back to my plan to deport Republicans. I don’t think we can even talk about a coordinated deportation effort until we first build giant walls around predominately republican districts…  Zanomandering? No?

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Mick Zano

Mick Zano

Mick Zano is the Head Comedy Writer and co-founder of The Daily Discord. He is the Captain of team Search Truth Quest and is currently part of the Witness Protection Program. He is being strongly advised to stop talking any further about this, right now, and would like to add that he is in no way affiliated with the Gambinonali crime family. 

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