Immigrant Children Transformed Into Renewable Energy Source

Immigrant Children Transformed into Renewable Energy Source

Nuclear Power mogul, C. Montgomery Burns, is having an alternative energy change of heart, “After seeing Winslow’s innovative plans, my position on green energy is evolving.” Mr. Burns is already discussing options to one day expand this project to include flying monkeys.

Winslow told reporters, “Through the use of the most efficient solar energies, by the end of the decade these children could power the better part of their own adolescents. The end of the life cycle will eventually be harnessed as well and solar nurseries will one day dot the landscape. And why let old flatulent people in nursing homes of the hook? Poop is power too, you know, and what the hell else are they doing?”

The child immigration hamster wheel is reportedly “in its infancy”, but when that technology becomes available immigration shelters will become true power stations. “Good business is where you find it,” continued Winslow, “and sometimes you find it with kids attached to solar blankets. Children have lots of energy and we need energy. Isn’t it ironic that the key to getting us weaned off foreign oil is by harnessing foreign children?”

Harness sold separately.

The critical question remains this: can renewable immigrant children fill the energy gap? Discord field reporter, Cokie McGrath, is not as optimistic, “Kids run all over the place and don’t always stay plugged in. Perhaps if we situate them out in the desert with some video games…”

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Mick Zano

Mick Zano

Mick Zano is the Head Comedy Writer and co-founder of The Daily Discord. He is the Captain of team Search Truth Quest and is currently part of the Witness Protection Program. He is being strongly advised to stop talking any further about this, right now, and would like to add that he is in no way affiliated with the Gambinonali crime family.