Flagstaff, AZ—Discord staffer, Mick Zano, was cleared of the Ebola virus earlier this week by a nurse he hired by the hour from Vegas. The story of his exposure to the deadly virus unraveled shortly thereafter. His 21-day isolation at McMullen’s Pub was all part of a stunt that started out as a bet—with the same nurse he hired by the hour from Vegas. Zano reported traveling to Liberia to cover a breaking story for The Daily Discord. CEO of The Daily Discord, Pierce Winslow, arranged for the expedition for what was billed as a story on climate change’s impact on the predatory West African mangrove. Winslow grew suspicious, however, when Zano arranged a Skype session, wherein Zano claimed to be in Sierra Leone but Winslow could clearly hear a live punk version of “Drunken Sailor” in the background.

Winslow told the press today he’s disappointed but not surprised, “He’s tried stuff like this before. You give Zano an inch and he will take a virtual mile. He tried to call in sick for a month last year, saying he contracted the avian flu from a Skynard cover band’s encore of Free Bird. He doesn’t have Ebola. He also doesn’t have a work ethic.”

Zano is suspended without pay until a thorough review can be conducted by The Discord’s Board of Directors. Winslow maintains that Zano’s future with his important spoof news blog is tenuous. Zano already had several marks on his record, not the least is a recent business expense involving a “nurse” from Vegas.

Mr. Winslow is not lifting his own self-imposed quarantine on the Cayman Islands. “I skyped with Zano only two days ago so that means have 19 days before I’m in the clear. You just can’t be too sure of these things,” said Winslow.