McDOORIS: A Very Late Rebuttal Indeed

The Crank

Cell phones are the bane of society?  They will bring about the end of civilization as we know it? My ass. You are like the 300 lb.lady that came into the deli, telling the clerk (me) to make sure he leaves out the maraschino cherries on the rice pudding, as they have red #2 in them, all the while she’s puffing on a fucking camel.

This is what I told her: “Stupid fat bitch, I wouldn’t worry too much, if I wuz you. The smokes and weight will kill you long before the red # 2.”

I myself am an old fat ape, and even I know that as technology gets better, the world gets smaller, and time gets shorter. Through natural selection, I assume that in the near future, all humans will be type “A” personalities out of necessity. Why the FUCK would I get in my truck, and drive to wherever the fuck you are, get out, find you, and give you a message I could have given you in ten seconds over the phone? I wouldn’t, and neither would anyone else. Get used to it Pokester, or just take your place on the diorama in the Museum Of Natural History, next to the fucking Neanderthals.

Cell phones are like guns, there are idiots using them, and trained professionals. The idiots who text while driving will be cancelled out by natural selection, and possibly the large chrome grill on my Ram, if I’m lucky. And just like them, you too will take your place in the diorama of “died young of stupidity” if you don’t stop smoking. There is NO excuse. I was a smoker and it almost killed me. I was so hooked that when I tried to quit I was ready to kill. I eventually did quit, and just look at how laid back I am now, shithead. You are, I assume, a semi intelligent creature. You have to stop making excuses for your behavior.  Don’t be a Mickko.

My job would be near impossible without cell phones. So I shouldn’t use technology to increase my income while decreasing my use of fossil fuel? Brain dead? Uh, look in de mirror. There are people who look as if they might need surgery to separate them from their phones. If what you say about cancer is true, natural selection will take care of that too. I use mine for the relaying of messages, nothing more. Quick on and off, like my sex life.  I don’t have the time for idle bullshit. I’m sure that my weight will end my existence way before my cell phone does.  The only time cell phones are dangerous is when I shove them down maraschino avoiding, smoking, technophobic retards (hint, hint).

How about this gem from that article of yours: “As for me, I’ve had it with our age.  This technocratic society has reached a point of no return.  I’m done with TVs, cars, cell phones, iPods, internet bureaucracies, and this false Federal Government that promises to give us everything in exchange for our liberties. “ 

You sound like Mikko’s ilk, which is some real scary shit. Unabomber shit.

Oh yeah, and no more bastardized Joe Walsh lyrics, please. God will get you for that, or, better yet, I’ll make you a permanent chrome grill gnome.

Yours unruly


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