Prison pen pal, Lindsay Lohan, has encouraged Miley Cyrus to visit www.theySayIGottaGoToRehabISaidNoNoNo.org, which is a website designed to help with those crazy drunk, girls gone wild types acclimate to life on skid row.
“It’s one heck of a transition going from the top to the bottom,” said Lohan. “These things need to be carefully planned.”
When asked to elaborate, Lindsay stated, “Look, you don’t want to go all Brittany shave-my-head Spears, do you?! There’s a good way to let your life publically slip into the abyss and a bad way to let your life publically slip into the abyss.”
Lohan went on to say, “There are classes on being a proper Hollywood child star wash-up. Most of my demise was staged well in advance. I couldn’t imagine being this stupid on my own.”
Lindsay Lohan believes you can never start planning for these things too young. She believes Miley has probably already waited “way too long.” Miss Lohan went on to describe a Hollywood insider story, not too dissimilar to an Advanced Directive for bimbos. Apparently, there are even online classes to help pick out your drug of choice, your mental health diagnosis, and a slew of virtual rehabs. There’s even an entire class on ugly divorces.
“You don’t think Tiger Woods was really involved in that wild night car crash, do you? He has people for that.”
Lohan believes she has Miley’s best interest in mind, “I just don’t want her making the same mistakes I did. Well, I do, but I want them better choreographed.”