Bernie V Trump: Clash Of The Whitens


This rather extreme scenario, Bernie V Trump, may actually playout on the political stage. Granted, it may not go down exactly like the picture, but probably something pretty close. Folks are so disgusted with the establishment, we’re all fringing out. I fear liberals are moving too far ahead of today’s cultural psyche. We are not ready for a Bernie Sanders. Republicans are also too advanced…uh, were this the era when our oceans were dominated by those shelled squid-like things. Its amazing to me what the republican party has become, but what’s more amazing is how so few of them have seemed to notice.

I have always been a big Bernie fan, but I have strong concerns about his performance in the general election. Our elections tend to be determined by our independents. Unfortunately, most of these are not the fiercely independent thinkers idolized by Fox News, but rather:

“These are the people of the land. The common clay of the new west, you know…morons.”

—Gene Wilder, Blazing Saddles.

This means Trump’s celebrity status could conceivably trump both Bernie’s frontal lobes as well as his debate skills. I am predicting a Sanders or a Clinton would handily win all three presidential debates on substance, but will that actually matter in this post-truth world? Perception is now reality, so a couple of well-timed Rosie O’Donnell jokes and who’s your Donald?  Whereas it’s nice that Citizen’s United couldn’t buy the election, this scenario does pave a way for a repuliblican super majority. This essentially means:

2016: Two outsiders are nominated and Mick Zano’s faith in the system is restored.

2017: Trump is elected, the union collapses, and Mick Zano is forced to move family to in-laws farm in upstate New York.

Kidding, I think we can make it to 2018 under Trump. I did predict the unstoppability of the monster named Trump, here.

trumped-ZAlthough I never predicted he would win the nomination, I believed Trump would last long enough to do irreparable damage to the party. As soon as he made that indefensible McCain comment and actually got a bump in the polls, I knew all bets were off. This train wreck called the republican party will roll on, until it either rebrands itself or collapses. I don’t care which, but can’t we hasten this process?

Bernie’s rise doesn’t surprise me either, as nobody likes Hillary. Unlike the GOP, I have chosen to cite real world examples for my disdain. Bernie’s appeal to the liberal base is not surprising, but the scope and depth is.

I do a little standup here in Flagstaff (very little). Apparently I can make anything funny, except my comedy. When I don’t drop the mic and sprint off the stage crying, I try to get my town’s political pulse. Last night I asked, who are you voting for?  The response was several shouts of “Bernie” and even a mini-Bernie-chant. I heard no other candidates mentioned.  I even asked, come on, no love for Hillary? No republican fans in the house? Don’t be afraid to shout out a republican candidate? It’s comedy night. It’s probably the only time you can get away with that shit.

Nothing. Don’t worry, I have grown accustomed to cricket chirps during my act.

Here’s the rub, I am no Nate Silver when it comes to election predictions, but I am very good at predicting what will happen based on our choices. The near future will be rough, regardless of who gets the nod. Most people fail to understand this, right or left, but a Bernie (or any other Dem for that matter) would play our last hand well. A Trump Administration would mean my whole family moves to my brother-in-laws farm by 2019. I don’t want to move there! I love them all dearly, but they’re republicans. So I will likely spend my twilight years being constantly reminded how grossly misinformed I am for accurately predicting everything to a T. Sounds like a T…party. Can’t wait.

This country of ours is really devolving into ignorance at light sped. Last week, a branch of the U.K. Parliament voted on whether  Donald Trump should even be permitted into their country. I’m not kidding, transcript here. Not… should we elect him Prime Minister, but should he be allowed into an English pub unsupervised. At least The Donald and I finally have something in common! On that note, my apologizes to the town of Canterbury.

It reminds me of The Daily Mirror’s reaction to the reelection of George W. Bush:


What those Brits didn’t realize was how this would spell disaster for them as well. It would spell disaster wrong, of course, but it would spell disaster nevertheless. I did predict, even back then, that we’d eventually look back to W as one of the smart ones (at least comparatively). Welcome to something I like to call today.

Here’s one of my own conspiracy theories: Bush’s answer to our educational failings was No Child Left Behind, which was all part of a plan to make ‘Murica so ill-informed that we’d one day elect his brother president. Of course, it backfired because his party slid so quickly into ignorance. Essentially the electorate has slipped passed Bush, passed the political taint, and has managed to insert itself somewhere real special. That’s my anal-ysis.

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