The Black Calling the Kettle Pot: or Something Like Fat

The Black Calling the Kettle Pot: or Something Like Fat
The Crank

Chris Christie has undeniably become a rather large figure in the present political spectrum. His ascendency to the big chair in NJ has had repercussions nation-wide. He has managed to squeeze himself into a fight with the unions, using his rather large fan base to garner support for his thin slicing of their benefits. If he does decide to run…er, briskly walk for President in 2012, his will be a big suit to fill, for sure. Christie brings a country buffet full of already tried and true ideas to the table.  Ahhh, I’m being told to stop now…

I know, I know, I shouldn’t have. But I am also a fat man, so I can. One who shouldn’t, however, is ultra skinny-assed Dr. Lamont Hill, a Black political pundit on the left side of Fox’s “balanced” fucking thingy. This guy, in a recent conversation with some local Fox affiliate, came out and stated he thought Christie will not run, for the simple reason he knows he can’t win on account of his…er, portliness. “He’s too fat” were his exact words. Ergo the title of my latest deranged thoughts put on paper. A whole new era in racism has arrived! (Insert Fanfare for the Common Fat Man here.) We have beaten to death the whole Black vs. Beige thing in this last election cycle, so I guess this is the next BIG thing!

Note to Lamont: don’t go there. While less than one third of America is black, we have a shit-load of wide-loads of ALL colors ALL over the place (except Asians, those skinny fish-eatin’ bastards). Don’t you shop at Wal-Mart with your eyes open, pal?  Here in Arizona, the average female is a B.M.W. (Big Mexican woman). Frankly, I have had bigger turds than you, Cleavon Little.

The Nanny state wants to outlaw Happy Meals, trans fats, fast food and the like, to “help us” overcome our obesity.

How fucking thoughtful of you.

Socialized consciousness, eh?  I prefer caramelized consciousness on a slab of meat with some freedom-fried potatoes.  Or, better yet, how ‘bout the Darwin meets Einstein’s school of thought? I make a conscious decision to eat copious amounts of Twinkies, and…well, I believe AlaCarte said it best, “I Twink, therefore I Spam.”  Not that kind of twink…freaks.

Or, I get fat, therefore I will die…someday. Maybe. Or, maybe your skinny ass will get flattened by a bus driven by a sedentary bus driver of, say, 300 pounds.

Just recently, a Doctor (Mark Haub, Professor of Human Nutrition at Kansas State University) went on a “Twinkie Diet” for a month, to show the detrimental effects of junk food. Problem: he ended up 27 pounds thinner.  His bad cholesterol went down, his good cholesterol went up, and he probably threw away his Viagra prescription.  Hmmmm, didn’t quite work out the way you thought, did it?   Kind of like taking a job at the Daily Discord.

We’re here, we’re fat, get mousse to it!

Pppffffft (sorry).

No tea party here, we are “The Keilbasa Party.”

Das Crank

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