Washington, DC—Perturbed by recent events, President Obama called for another of his highly-hyped Beer Summits. This time our Head of Suds met with comedian Jon Stewart and news correspondent, Rick Sanchez, to mend some fences. Sanchez recently lost his job, anchoring at CNN, after claiming Stewart is a “bigot” and for claiming “Jews are hardly a repressed minority.” Meanwhile, Jon Stewart hasn’t warmed up to any of Obama’s summits and is making fun of them regularly on The Daily Show.
The administration considered calling it Beer Summit! Part Deux and, for some reason, Breakin’ 2: Eclectic Brewgaloo, but, due to the historic importance, Obama combined the best of his Beer Summits and his Backyard Summits and went with Backyard Beer Summit.
“This close to the mid-term elections I need my media commentators back on message,” said Obama. “And that’s when I have Michelle hit the old Pay & Take for 40oz cans of malty diplomacy.”
The summit started off on a rocky note, however, when Sanchez said, “Sorry, Jon, I know deep down you’re really not a Jew.”
Stewart responded, “Why don’t you go taze yourself again, bro?”
A fight ensued between the three which the Secret Service thankfully captured on their cell phones. As it turns out, the initial argument between Sanchez and Stewart was a misunderstanding. Sanchez thought the word bigot meant: gay, a ciggie or a bundle of sticks.
“It was terrible to see,” said our Chief White House Correspondent, Cokie McGrath. “I haven’t seen that much beer abuse since The Ghetto Shaman’s ejection from the Luxor.”