Tweet Tower—The Trump Justice Department is on the white privilege warpath today as Attorney General Jeff Sessions is putting the country’s institutions of higher learning on notice. Sessions warns, “White privilege has been tarnished in recent years by the previous administration. Reverse discrimination is what keeps me up at night, especially those pot-smoking discriminators. Look, we have a duty as Americans to restore white privilege to its former glory, Old Glory as it were.”
Kidding, It’s This One…
*Hat tip Sean L.
What’s to come of spoof news in a post-truth world. It seems a tad surreal defending satire as we approach the end of our republic, but why not? This site probably won’t survive what Trump has planned for the internet anyway. 4G Notspot? Neither the folks in charge or the general public can distinguish between spoof, satire, fakeiness or truthiness anymore. In a post-truth world there’s more overlap with these newsy flavors than a Venn diagram with codependency issues. Hell, it took the rightwing years to even figure out that Colbert was making fun of them, so of course they’ll lump all these “fake news sites” into one bucket. Bucket of …hmmm. Uh, Zano, Trump doesn’t even know the difference between Shiite and Sunni, so don’t we have bigger Daesh to drone? Maybe, but this subject is near and dear to my heart and has huge 1st Amendment implications. In fact, I’m betting Ass-Clown Hitler will use this fake news controversy as the impetus to end net neutrality and sell broadband to the highest bidder. That’s called irony.
Flagstaff, AZ—The town of Flagstaff is still under several feet of foam at this hour after The Discord’s Mick Zano vomited in Biblical proportions. One hipster who witnessed the event described it as “retching some serious suddage.” Satellite imagery shows a foam flow not seen in the southwest since Zano attended Matt Mathewson’s Naked Hillbilly Party last spring. Just as Donald Trump became the projected winner, the Discord contributor began chugging massive quantities of Pabst Blue Ribbon. Zano explains, “I have to acclimate to shitty beer now, since the election of Ass-Clown Hitler. Drinking large amounts seemed justified in light of the economic carnage to come. Masochism is fine, I suppose, in the right club, in the right mood, wearing the right Wonder Woman costume. I Marvel how Republicans still think they’re right about stuff, and not in a cool Gotham-vigilante kind of way.”