New York, NY—Three-year-old Tyler Stanton went missing for over two months. His frantic parents finally watched his show yesterday evening on Fox News. “We were so relieved he was alive,” said his father, Bob Stanton. The Stantons do have mixed feelings about their son’s recent activities. “We’re happy with his ratings,” said his mother, Tia, “but really upset he’s promoting a right wing agenda. We hope it’s just a phase he’s going through.”

“Our ratings didn’t dip at all,” said Fox News’s CEO, Rupert Murdoch. “The little tyke took over the 7PM slot quit seamlessly. He was much lower maintenance than most of my anchors. Look, we’ve already made a substantial donation to the people over at Labor and Industry, so I think this matter should be considered dropped.”

One viewer added, “I loved him. I never saw tantrums like that, even after the election. I figured he really hated Obama like no one’s business. I’m still hoping he’ll show back up on MyCrib, Facebook Jr., or The House of Representatives.”