Sadistic Cryptozoologist Found Plucking Feathers off of Rare Spotted Owl

Modesto, CA — At a local nature preserve a sadistic cryptozoologist, Dr. Derek Twinge, was found plucking the feathers off of a recently discovered spotted owl.  Since the bird’s rescue, park rangers have affectionately named the owl Athena (named after the Greek Goddess of owls.  Wikipedia down! Someone help!). The forty-seven year old cryptozoologist is said to have incessantly tortured the bird with a pair of forceps and several Baywatch episodes over the course of the last several years.

“It’s just fun…the torture, not the Baywatch episodes,” clarified Twinge.

Dr. Twinge faces seventeen counts of animal cruelty, most of which can be attributed to the particular Baywatch episodes in question.

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Mick Zano

Mick Zano

Mick Zano is the Head Comedy Writer and co-founder of The Daily Discord. He is the Captain of team Search Truth Quest and is currently part of the Witness Protection Program. He is being strongly advised to stop talking any further about this, right now, and would like to add that he is in no way affiliated with the Gambinonali crime family.