Heaven, UP – After reading the Washington Monthly last week, God burst a nut (which proves God is a guy). God read a poll where the south still has a 45% approval rating for republicans. This is over 30% higher than the second place contestants, the Midwestern region of the U.S.
When God found out how many impoverished southerners opposed Obamacare, God said, “OK, they barely complain about a trillion dollars to some CEOs, but ME forbid someone tries to spend a trillion dollars on them…that’s it! I’m going to drown those patriotards once and for all.” (which proves God reads the Daily Discord, which really isn’t that impressive because he’s blognipotent.)
God is planning more rain in the forecast for the southeast until “those bananas wake up smell the karma” (which proves God is either Hindu or confused).
Our own Bald Tony asked God if this would be another forty-days and forty-nights thing, and God replied, “No, no. I really don’t have that kind of time.”
God hopes to hit them with all he’s got in kind of a Shock and Awe campaign.
“We’ll see how they like it.”
When Bald Tony pointed out how drowning hordes of uninsured patriotards seemed kind of ‘Old Testament’, God smote him and shit.