You, Dave Atsals, have listened to the liberal rational for socialized health care.  You’ve drank the proverbial Kool Aid, so to speak, and it’s a batch the Ghetto Shaman wouldn’t even touch.  Like a good Pelosi minion, you’ve accepted the premise that we’ve survived the last 240 years in spite of free-market capitalism. How could we ever have survived the Revolutionary War, the War of 1812, the Civil War, the Spanish American War, two World Wars, Korea, Vietnam, Persian Gulf twice, pandemics, the depression, polio, and yes, even eight seasons of American Idol?!  Without Obamacare, this country should have been dead 200 years ago.  How the hell did we ever survive without the chosen one?  …without the Messiah, the once and future clown? If our healthcare system is so horrible, then why do we have people coming to America for medical treatment from all over the world…for what?…the hospital Jello?  Granted, the hospital Jello is good and there are so many places in a hospital room where a green cube of Jello would look great stuck to, but I really think there is more to it than that.  I know there are other colors, but you’re making light of an important topic, Dave, and I won’t have it!  Frankly, this issue is beyond the scope of all gelatin products and their derivatives. 

We need reform, Dave, but we need the kind of reform that gets government regulation out of the healthcare industry, entirely.  No Jello for you!  It has no business being there, kind of like you have no business frequenting those ‘clubs’ of yours (which reminds me, Dave, we really need to talk).

We need to be able to buy insurance across state lines; we need to get rid of trial lawyers, liberal judges, and their junk science that makes malpractice insurance premiums unaffordable for doctors, who then have to pass the cost of these premiums onto their patients because some dumb-assed broad was stupid enough to put her coffee between her legs instead of the car cup holder.  Can you say Scarbucks?  She should have been liable for being a moron, nothing more.  Hey, that’s an idea. Instead of taxing our healthcare, let’s tax stupidity. I’m afraid such a tax won’t bode too well for you, Dave.  You may have to move back in with your parents.  Oh, that’s right, you’re already back with your parents.  You see, no harm done.

But back to taxing stupidity, I think I need another blood pressure pill. Maybe if I become a good democrat, I can get some rich guy to pay for it.  Cubes of Jello all around folks, on someone else. 

Did you know that if you rip a Jello cube in half, it sticks to the ceiling better?  No shit.  It really does.  Try it when you’re in a hospital bed and having some other tax payer flip for the whole inpatient stay.  Just flip the Jello right off the spoon, well, half the Jello (you must cut it in half, remember. It’s like you’re not even listening) and then you can count how long it sticks to the ceiling.  Stay as long as you want in that room.  Get all the tests you want.  Have them X-Ray the damn Jello for all Obamacare.   Maybe there are bones in Jello.  It’s worth a few extraneous MRIs.  Don’t worry, you’re probably not paying for it.