Taos, NM — Sterling Hogbien, of the Hogbein Institute and Laundromat, is asking his fellow Americans to destroy all forms of bacon brownies.
“This highly unstable compound must be deleted from your hard drives and removed from your recipe folders,” said Hogbein.
Remember in the movie The Princess Bride that ‘Pit of Despair’ machine that could take years off your life? Hogbein posits the Man in Black was actually being force-fed bacon brownies intravenously.
“This singularly fatal dessert could be the tipping point that destroys healthcare,” warned Hogbein. “Our emergency rooms will be overrun if this nefarious concoction is unleashed on the masses!”
Military personnel believe it shouldn’t be too hard to track pork shipments in the Middle East. And the government is boasting at least one successful predator drone attack on a known Al-Qaeda Baking Camp in North Waziristan.
Dr. Hogbein believes bacon brownies might have led to the disappearance of the Mayans, the Atlantians, and parts of Fat Bastard.
“Besides, I had to take an extra Lipitor just to read the ingredient list.” Hogbein insists these pastries constitute an act of war. “Now that their recipe has been downloaded into Americana, all the terrorists would need to do now is bomb Pfizer, the makers of Lipitor, and we would be completely defenseless.”
Did I just say that out loud?