The Transcosmetic Party:  No. We Don’t Necessarily Wear Dresses

Mick Zano

It’s time for a third party, a truth seeking party, a truly independent party, a Transcosmetic Party!  There is certainly a movement in America, but currently it’s brainless and leaderless (hint: when Sarah Palin is your keynote speaker, your movement needs a major laxative).  Our zombie zeitgeist moans on as the Teabag movement only adds to the unrest.  Having forty-percent of America ready and willing to vote-in any chimp with the tallest pointy white cap is not encouraging. Let me know how that Brown thing works out for you Massivetwoshits.  Populous outrage is one thing, but misguided populous outrage is quite another. 

Teabaggers want to rally all those independent thinkers and then vote Republican?  Great idea.  I don’t want any dems or republicans in my movement.  I like to pick on my conservative friends, but, let’s be clear here, the liberals suck too. We need only the best of both worlds for this growing Transcosmetic Party…you know, both of us.  Like any good integralist, I want to keep what works and what’s right from every perspective and level.  Modern conservatism and modern liberalism have little to offer, however.  Liberals are class-one enablers, far too prone to moral relativism, but they are right about the importance of equality and being good stewards of our environment. Then, on the other side of the aisle, there is little of value espoused on Fox News.  They will cheer on any short term spike in their stock options, nothing more.  But, they are right to defend our 1st and 2nd amendment rights and to champion fiscal responsibility—even though they currently suck at it.

Fact, politicians can’t cut obvious waste because the strongest lobbyists prevail and invariably the strongest lobbyists are the biggest crooks (Zano’s Theorem).  Sorry, Cranko, but gutting nearly all behavioral health for the most severely mentally ill will cost Arizona dearly.  Saving a penny by losing a nickel somewhere else is not being fiscally conservatism.  It’s being stupid.  Thankfully, since my last post, our republican governor in Arizona is raising sales tax amidst this great recession.  See?  It is possible.  She can’t cut critical services.  She understands that—oh, wait…she’s doing it to fund that Cubs spring training complex in Mesa?  Hmmmm. Have fun trying to access that wonderful healthcare system you’re championing, Cranko, with an emergency room full of loons.  But, then again, it will be nice to see the Cubs above .500 this season. 

So let’s get the best, non partisan thinkers on the same team. Come on, people. Both parties have left the building.  Why are you still defending them?  They are lying to you.  If Obama comes up with a surefire way to finish us off, MSNBC will applaud it, and if he comes up with a surefire solution to pull us out of this mess, Fox will condemn it.  Neither group deserves our support.  We need at least a few integral thinkers to look at our current State of the Union from what Ken Wilber terms All Quadrants and All Levels (AQAL).  Hey, a rare genuine acronym alert (ARGAA). 

Damn, that didn’t last long…

So how does a new movement, seasoned with some semblance of objectivity, emerge in this climate of coo-coos?  I don’t have a freak’n clue.  America always chooses poorly.  They’ll get it wrong every time.  Beta over VHS, IBM over Apple, football over hockey, Leno over Conan.  The examples are endless. The best is always sidelined by empty suites.  I think for 2012 it should be John Edwards vs. Sarah Palin and let’s be done with it.  Hey, don’t knock this plan.  At least we’ll know we’ve hit bottom.  Poor education and a media from hell have brought us to this mind-numbingly clueless crossroads we now find ourselves. 

It is hard to see how a higher perspective will ever prevail.  Look at the religions that thrive.  If people are given choices over time, we tend to divert to the least common denominator.  If this trend continues, we won’t find ourselves piercing deeper into integral thought, but we’ll be executing Danish cartoonists.  Europe is dying, in part, because people just stop procreating as much at some point; they certainly procreate less than our tribal and fundamental friends.  They are also more tolerant, which often leads to

societal and cultural suicide. But the tragic optimist in me says, with crises come opportunities.  Unfortunately, that part of me also says drink buckets of gin.

Even integralists are squatting on a mat somewhere contemplating their navel instead of third-eyeing that hot yoga booty right in front of them.  So it’s hard to see—with our education system and this pervasive mindset in real America—how we can ever survive the changes and challenges to come.  The dopiest remain stuck in a state of perpetual Limbaugh and even the smartest remain mired in scientism and super capitalism.  None have real insights for our future growth, future sustainability, and future survival. 

Enter Zano.  All hail the Zano King.  He can do anything!  So I am holding a rally in Nowhere, AZ next week.  One like-minded person will be joining me (not yet confirmed).  The Crank might come (to play the Zano’s advocate).

We (or I) will be meeting for this sweeping movement over at that Nowhere bar, locked amidst those curvy AZ switchbacks.  And I’m planning to drink while I think.  I won’t stop this Transcosmetic think tank party, until I have solved all of the world’s problems, or I end up in the drunk tank.   Yep, the think tank Nowhere drunk tank rally for the Transcosmetic party starts soon (acronym removed for space sake).  Join this real revolution today and leave your teabags at home, folks. 

In the immortal words of the Ghetto Shaman, I hope this helps. 

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Mick Zano

Mick Zano

Mick Zano is the Head Comedy Writer and co-founder of The Daily Discord. He is the Captain of team Search Truth Quest and is currently part of the Witness Protection Program. He is being strongly advised to stop talking any further about this, right now, and would like to add that he is in no way affiliated with the Gambinonali crime family.