A recent study by Pfizer, the makers of Zoloft, revealed the disturbing impact SSRIs and other anti-depressants are having on traditional blues music.

“I might as well join the Peace Corps,” said Jack Death, lead singer of The Armpit Salesman.  “After six months on Paxil, instead of jamming out to the blues, I would rather go to a ball game, fly a kite, or maybe spend some time in the park with my family.  It makes me fucking sick just thinking about it.” 

The Arm Pit Salesman’s latest CD, Skipping through the Sunshine has sold a record low four copies.

A recent poll suggests seven out of ten blues musicians find SSRI medications leave them feeling “way too perky.” Dr. Sterling Hogbein, of the Hogbein Institute and Spa, believes this is an avoidable side effect of SSRIs.  Research indicates that by adding a blues stabilizer to your current medications, most blues band members can get out of that Sunday dinner and back to those Bourbon Street dive-bar gigs.  Blueztacia, one such anti-anti depressant, is designed to counteract the positive effects SSRIs have on mood.

“I don’t think any one pill can counteract the severe detrimental impact anti-depressants are having on blues bands and their music,” said Hogbein, “but prescribing a number of expensive supplemental medications might get my kids through college.”