Some things have been bothering me lately, like alternate street parking.   I have been trying to wrap my head around all the things impacting our country.  It’s better than what I used to do to with my free time.  Oh, and Potter County Police, you’ll never find her by the river, you bastards!  Mwahahahhaha!

We, as a nation, really need to change our focus and our priorities.  Fact: many countries do things more cost-effectively and more efficiently in a great number of areas.  The U.S. has slipped in our ratings almost across the board.  So here are a few things you might not have thought of to help restore our country to greatness (or not):

1. Bottle Feeding—a tit is always better than plastic unless the plastic supports the betterment of the tit.  And, by the way, at 40 I know my preferences in this matter.  Although, the binky is a close second.
2. Homework—I just spent all day listening to your boring text book crapola, Mr. Aimsflunk. I filled out your “worksheets”, and helped you justify your state mandates. Now you’re gonna impose upon my free time? Show me the study Professor Fallsfarbelow, otherwise leave them kids alone.
3. Anti-evolutional academic sequencing (AEAS)—Don’t force kids to judge their social identity on academics, especially if the child is not developmentally prepared for success.  I am proud to be in all emotional support classes and welcome the occasional time-out or detention stint.  And, I am not my ADD diagnosis—hey, it’s snowing!
4. Quantified Social Praise (QSP)—I don’t care about your grades, just keep learning from everybody and everything (except Discord staff). The world is filled with stupid straight-A bureaucrats and Magna Cum Lessas.
5. Cell Phones—although cell phones have been directly linked to brain cancer, there has yet to be a link determined between brain cancer and Discord articles….but it’s coming.
6. Electronic entertainment—these are simply distractions from a meaningful life, dulled into neurological and imaginative mush.  Yeah, I’m talking about the Daily Discord again.  Remember when we used to read to our children?  If my dad had read Penthouse Forum to me more often, it would have helped me avoid a number of embarrassing adolescent situations.   Speaking of which, you’ll never find her, coppers!
7. Failed Abortions—on the bright side, advances in abortion technologies promise to bolster success rates.
8. The Daily Discord—I am all about 1^st Amendment Rights, but, everything has an exception, and I believe this e-zine is it.