Super Game XXVIIV

Mick Zano

Las Vegas, NV–What’s better on Valentine’s Day than some old football coverage?! Somehow I am back in Vegas for the third time already in 2011, which is three more reasons Bald Tony is considering relocating. I am back at the Riviera covering this Super Game, knowing little about football and even less about roman numerals.

Why am I here, you ask? Well, Tony keeps getting free shit and when he gets free shit, he knows that’s my price. If you read Tony’s article on pizza last week, he mentioned I took this meditation detox challenge thingie…uhh, then he gets three more nights at the Riviera, free booze and food at a Super Game party, and, lo and behold, I fumble the detox challenge. Come to think of it, I don’t believe the detox gods were ever on my side, now Dionysius and Bacchus, those cats have my back (now if only they had my liver).

When Winslow heard we would be at the Super Game party at the Riviera, he insisted one of us cover the event. The bastard. I actually feel other sports are for people who don’t play hockey, but Mr. Winslow can be persuasive…in a Sith Lord kind of way.

2:10 PST – Prior to the big game, Bill O’Reilly interviewed Barak Obama. I had no idea football fans were so informed. I couldn’t hear one word over the rabble at the Queen Victoria Pub, but I’m sure it was fair and balanced.

2:16 PST – It’s time to finish our pints and head to the event. Tony decided to mess with me almost immediately. He vowed not to help me understand the game in any way. The bastard. He won’t even tell me who’s playing. The cheese-headed people wandering about lead to me believe there is a Wisconsin team involved and I thought the other team was the Dallas Cowboys …maybe because the game is being held in Dallas?! But I’m beginning to question this conclusion with all the Steelers fans milling about (have I mentioned I hate football?).

2:22 PST – My pint of liquid coverage is down. It is time to drop off the laptop in the hotel room, grab the old fashioned paper and pen, and report to the Grande Ballroom for the first pitch.

God would want us to cover this important game
God would want us to cover this important game

2:26 PST – Neither Tony or I have any paper or any writing implements of any kind. So Bald Tony opts to take some pages out of the hotel Bible.

2:34 PST – Pens were obtained even more heretically and then back downstairs and over to the event. The line to enter the Grande Ballroom is long. I’m losing my buzz. Somewhere Jim Morrison is singing your ballroom days are over, baby.

3:23 PST – Did she sing “twilight’s last reaming?” Hmmm. In retrospect it would have been better to live tweet this bitch.

3:31 PST – Announcer states, Packers v Steelers, as if you needed another reminder. OK, so it’s the Packers v the Steelers. Now we’re getting somewhere.

3:35 PST – Thank god the game started, the buffet line is finally clearing.

4:25 PST – At critical point in the action I called fellow Discordian, and avid Steeler fan, Dave Atsals, and told him, “Stop everything you’re doing! I need a picture of Michele Bachman with a penis on her head for an article that posts tomorrow!” Heh, heh.

4:26 PST – People in the immediate vicinity seem perplexed why I shouted “penis on Michele Bachman’s head” into my cell phone.

4:47 PST – Beware of free invitations. Here’s my view during the 7th inning stretch.

4:55 PST – Something just happened. No more guacamole at the bean dip bar!

5:00 PST – Discovered something important and switched from Bud Light from the server to rum and cokes over at the bar.

5:15 PST – Something is happening in the game, but I just tried to use the stirrer as a straw. No liquid has emerged despite my best efforts.

????? – In the end the team with the yellow pants won.

????? – Some minor damages back in the hotel room. Don’t tell Tony…

The next day it was tough to figure out this picture.  Not sure, exactly. It was either part of the half time show, or there was something in the bean dip that shouldn’t have been. 

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Mick Zano

Mick Zano

Mick Zano is the Head Comedy Writer and co-founder of The Daily Discord. He is the Captain of team Search Truth Quest and is currently part of the Witness Protection Program. He is being strongly advised to stop talking any further about this, right now, and would like to add that he is in no way affiliated with the Gambinonali crime family.