Oklahoma Earthquake: Millions of Kernels Still Trapped under Downed Cornstalks!

Oklahoma Earthquake: Millions of Kernels Still Trapped under Downed Cornstalks!

Oklahoma City, OK—Authorities fear the 5.6 magnitude earthquake that rocked Oklahoma this week has yet to claim all of its victims. Time is running out for an estimated 17-million corn kernels still buried under an area of fallen corn stalks rescue workers estimate to be “the size of Corn-necticut.”

Many believe we are facing a “creamed corn scenario of unprecedented proportions.”

Oklahoma City officials are thankful their state is flat or the resulting pyroclastic flows of high fructose corn lava could have consumed entire towns.

“But luckily we don’t have many of those either,” said Mayor Cobb Huskins. “But make no mistake, we’ve been cornholed for sure.”

Some locals are taking advantage of the quake through looting, “It’s a cornucopia out there,” said one stalker. “The real thing is just so much better than internet corn.”

The Green Giant and Little Sprout were unavailable for comment.

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Mick Zano

Mick Zano

Mick Zano is the Head Comedy Writer and co-founder of The Daily Discord. He is the Captain of team Search Truth Quest and is currently part of the Witness Protection Program. He is being strongly advised to stop talking any further about this, right now, and would like to add that he is in no way affiliated with the Gambinonali crime family. 

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