Athens, GR—The final insult to a once proud civilization came today when Angela Merkel of Germany downgraded Greece to a countrytoid. The Prime Minister formally kicked them out of the EU and with a word banished the lot to Northern Africa. Germany is funding the €27 billion project to have Greece towed south across the Mediterranean Sea.

Merkel told the world today, “I did not come to this decision lightly, but it’s kind of like when you are in a division we’re each night your team gets pummeled. Once in Northern Africa, Greece will find itself winning some games, at least comparatively. And, if and when they earn their first €27 billion, we will be happy to reconsider their EU application and the logistics of their return trip.”

The Greek President, Karolos Papouplias, warns that the God Zeus is prepared to come to his country’s aid.

Zeus later denied this claim, “Look, I generally like to turn into an assortment of animal forms and hump some mortal women now and again. That’s pretty much my whole itinerary these days.”