Ron Paul Admits to “Partial Erection” after U.S. Announces Aid Cuts to Pakistan

Ron Paul Admits to "Partial Erection" after U.S. Announces Aid Cuts to Pakistan

Springfield, VA—This week’s announcement from the White House that aid to Pakistan will be cut $33 million was followed by a proud statement from Ron Paul’s headquarters in Springfield Virginia.

Paul pole supporter, Peter Johnson, told the press, “Our fearless leader reported considerable wood after the exciting news.” He went on to call this a “half mast event” not seen since the Republican’s full-blown attack on Planned Parenthood funds.

Ron Paul later confirmed initial reports, “A partial erection at my age represents a significant amount of blood flow to my penis.”

His son, Senator Rand Paul, is concerned, “If they cut all aid to other foreign countries and then send our troops home, they might have to rush my dad to the hospital again.”

Were that to occur, Mr. Paul agreed the Washington Monument would have some competition, and he vowed, “If I do get a full erection, I will personally screw the Federal Reserve into the dirt.”

Paul is denying rumors his slogan has been changed to “I might have lost the election, but not my—.”

“Hardly,” said Paul.

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Mick Zano

Mick Zano

Mick Zano is the Head Comedy Writer and co-founder of The Daily Discord. He is the Captain of team Search Truth Quest and is currently part of the Witness Protection Program. He is being strongly advised to stop talking any further about this, right now, and would like to add that he is in no way affiliated with the Gambinonali crime family.