Washington, DC—For his 2nd term, President Barack Obama has decided to just piss off Republicans. He doesn’t feel our system is horribly functional right now, so annoying the GOP is his highest priority. He started by bowing to Admiral General Aladeen, the Tyrant of Wadiya, earlier today. Obama plans to spend lots of taxpayer money while bowing to other world leaders across the globe.
Obama told reporters, “Look, instead of helping to fix the damage they caused, the GOP made its primary mission to make me a one term president, so screw ‘em.”
Vice President Joe Biden plans to create an actual death panel for the Affordable Care Act. They will have the power to, not only deny treatment for certain conditions, but they will have the authority to eliminate targeted healthy people as well.
The President plans to go on a nonstop world vacation in the guise of a business trip. “Not only am I going to bow to everyone and anyone,” said Obama, “I may do some oral sex photo simulations as well. And this term we’re really going to focus on hindering small businesses. Enough of this tax breaks and helping them shit. I may even park my motorcade in front of some to block traffic. The best part is, we’ve designed a machine that allows food stamps to literally fall out of my ass while I walk. Heh, heh.”
When asked what he would be apologizing for this round, the President said, “Biden.” He then added the word, “Duh.”