Los Angeles, CA—Shortly after getting the word he would not be starring in the upcoming Rambo television series, Sylvester Stallone struck out to make is his own reality television series. Only blocks from Entertainment One Studios, where the fate of the new Rambo series is being decided, Stallone opened fire on passersby. Seventeen people, including two republicans, were killed and five died later of embarrassment.
Amidst the carnage Stallone stumbled over bodies repeatedly calling, “Adrienne, Adrienne!” until he was picked up by LAPD, who later claimed, “You need a permit to shoot that many people dead on the street.”
Stallone is currently residing at the Arkham Psychiatric Hospital and is being treated for Post Theatric Stress Disorder as any explosions tend to send him flashing back to scenes from Rambo, Knighthawks, or Cobra.
“It’s like living a nightmare,” said Stallone. “Some of those movies sucked.”
Stallone’s prognosis is good and he has begun a type of exposure therapy. He is gradually being reintroduced to his movies in a more positive setting, with his therapist by his side as well as some popcorn and soda.
“The good news is he should make a full recovery,” said his therapist. “The bad news is that’s still not very good.”