Farewell Jon Stewart, You Propaganda Spewing Buffoon!

Mick Zano

I’ve read a lot of articles about Jon Stewart’s departure and most of them seem unusually harsh. Both left and right seem ready to see him go, for decidedly different reasons of course. Republicans don’t like Maher or Stewart because there’s nothing like them on the right, but the left’s whining is sad and unexpected. Kidding, SNL’s Doug and Wendy have nothing on libs.

Comedy doesn’t really work on the right because being constantly angry, wrong and paranoid just isn’t the best recipe for humor, but there’s way more criticism from the left than I would have expected. Slate Mag says get lost here and The Daily Banter says good riddance here.  The gist of the Slate article is that Stewart is too centrist and should have been even more of a liberal attack dog. The Daily Banter article is just critical that he didn’t hire more transgender eco-feminist minorities, or some dipshit. Wow. Okay.  Guffawrmative action?

Regardless of the topic, the best fodder always comes from the right. You can set your don’t watch by it. This wonderful bash came courtesy of HotAir: Stewart Sacrifices his remaining Credibility Defending Brian Williams? And the New York Post-Journalism brings us: How Jon Stewart Turned Lies into Comedy and Brainwashed a Generation. It says it was written by a guy named Kyle Smith but I’m thinking his main source for this one was Charlie Sheen after a yearlong Rave party. Of course, there’s no actual examples of lying or brainwashing in the article, but let’s give Kyle some credit, or at least a V for Vendetta.

Funny how republicans always say “You Lie!” and then invariably fail to explain said lie. Remember that guy who yelled “You Lie!” to Obama while Congress was in session? According to PolitiFact that was wrong too, but who’s counting? No, really, they don’t believe in math either.

Similarly the only ‘lies’ that Mr. Smith offers involves Stewart’s handling of the Brian Williams affair:

“Finally, someone is being held to account for misleading America about the Iraq war. It might not necessarily be the first person you’d want held accountable on that list. But never again will Brian Williams mislead this great nation about being shot at in a war we probably wouldn’t have ended up in if the media had applied this level of scrutiny to the actual f*cking war.”

—Jon Stewart

Apparently this is a lie, except for the whole being true part. After lambasting Stewart for not understanding the complexity of the Iraq War, he then attacks him for defending his friend to a fault. This is the only dirt you could come up with in 16 years? Really? Either Jon Stewart is the full-Cronkite or you didn’t do your homework. Stewart admitted Williams screwed up and was disappointed. I guess Stewart just lacked the necessary zeal to tear his friend to shreds like a grizzly at a trout farm. Speaking of fish, then Smith jumps the shark:

“Thanks to polemicists and clowns, the myth that ‘Bush lied’ has caught on, and now a majority of Americans believe it. Stewart-ism won the day.”

—Kyle smith

People believe Bush lied us into war for the simple fact that Bush lied us into war. Smith, yet again, blames the intelligence community for the invasion of Iraq. Bush should be retroactively impeached for Iraq and should hang for torture, in either order. That is not hyperbole that is what international law demands.

A Wholly Unnecessary Iraq Summary Alert:

  1. We have the transcripts of the Downing Street Memos, which essentially say:

Hey Blair,

Help me come up with an excuse to blow the shit of Iraq.

Love George

P.S. Oh, and can I get to drive one of those big red buses?

  1. I personally remember when inspector Hans Blix was begging to continue his work. He said that Hussein was cooperating and it didn’t look like there was any WMDs present. Bush essentially said, “Wrong answer. Get out of Dodge, Hans. It’s time for operation Shuck & Guffaw!”


“The invasion of Iraq was indeed a massive failure of intelligence, just not the kind you think.”

—Mick Zano

I know you forgot that part, Mr. Smith, in the same way you and your ilk conveniently forget every lesson from history of any significance. Jon Stewart is a comedian, yet he’s brighter and more journalistic than just about anyone on your team. While Jon understands the main points of the 21st century, you and your ilk simply do not. 

Then comes this gem:

“College students, of course, are both little acquainted with realities of adult existence and walled off from conservative views, so they’re the perfect audience for Stewart’s shtick, which depends on assumptions that are as unquestioned as they are false.”

Then Mr. Smith must have gone to Washington, because he kind of forgets to mention any of these false assumptions, aside from the Iraq thing (which is your own, sir). False assumptions on the right are more prevalent than snowflakes at Fenway, yet this is your argument for the left’s delusions? Is there anything of substance spoken on your side of the aisle, ever?

So this Counts as Brainwashing a Generation:

Being on the air for 16 years as a comedian and 1.) Accurately understanding Bush’s deception during the lead up to the war in Iraq. 2.) Admitting your friend lied but not attacking him like grizzly in a trout farm.

And this doesn’t:

Fear Porn 4 Scared Fucks
Fear Porn 4 Scared Fucks

Okay, I can see that. I believe over the years that I have made a strong case that Fox News is a brainwashing machine while you, Mr. Smith, need to find another hobby. Journalism…you’re doing it wrong.

When Bush left office there was an endless list of lies and real scandals. By contrast, when one of Fox’s arch enemies retires, you can’t even muster a beer fart? An article that mentions zero actual lies is pretty sad—even for you people.

Will the right ever acknowledge their own lack of any insight? That’s a rhetorical question. As long as they run cover for each other, this will never end. They will always have a false comparison on the ready. I might write something like ‘study suggests Fox News viewers are least informed’ followed by a link to said study, and they will forever counter with Zano is a Lying Asshole. They will then back up this claim by citing some other guy who watches Fox News and also believes that to be the case. In truth, I cannot defend the ‘asshole’ part. See? Even when I make up a fake headline, it ends up being half true. So how do they never stumble upon even a half-truth once in a friggin’ while? WTF?!

Summary Alert:

Stewart is a comedian and Fox News is a joke.

Stewart has skewered Fox News over the years and he will be missed for exposing their lies. His top ten takedowns here. Conversely they seem to have nothing on him…and did I mention he’s a comedian? I will miss your antics, Jon, and your important contribution to this War on Reason. Oh, and by the way, Jon Stewart also does retractions. The only thing the rightwing media has retracted in the 21st century is the word retraction. On the bright side, Fox News’ 24-hour news cycles have helped lower overall unemployment rates as PolitiFact and their ilk have had to quadruple their staff to keep up with their constant stream of bullshit. This may have been key to getting Obama re-elected, so thanks.

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Mick Zano

Mick Zano

Mick Zano is the Head Comedy Writer and co-founder of The Daily Discord. He is the Captain of team Search Truth Quest and is currently part of the Witness Protection Program. He is being strongly advised to stop talking any further about this, right now, and would like to add that he is in no way affiliated with the Gambinonali crime family.