The Rise and Propofall of Michael Jackson

Nowhere, AZ – Look, when Elvis died I understood all of the hoopla.  After all, he was The King.  In fact, he was more than that, he was the once and future King.  The guy destined to return when the land is in most need of sequins.  The Presley Priests remain in their traditional garb all across the Vegas strip in anticipation of the return of the King.  Elvis Presley deserved his following and he deserved the media frenzy associated with his tragic, but less than dignified, demise (but I think he should have killed Lancelot for what he did to Queen Priscilla of the Desert).  Now Jackson on the other hand… If I have to sit through one more Jacko, fashion is dead, freak-show hell-montage as the cable experts enlighten me on the latest developments…UGG.  It makes me want to shoot my face off.  I did it!  I killed him. I made him shotgun all those Big Jug Extra forties that night.  It was a drinking game!  Arrest me already, just please get back to the Michael Vick stuff.  When famous people die, there should be a separate channel for the aftermath.  We can have old commentators prerecord all of the sappy goodness about everyone famous and then only air it after they’re both dead.  They can call it the 24 hour a day Remember These Fuckers Channel (RTFC).  I don’t want this channel anywhere near any station that I might actually want to watch (like maybe up by Comedy Central).   The news coverage should entail about five minutes when they die and maybe another five minute follow-up when we find out who done it.  You don’t see the Daily Discord going on and on and on about…OK, bad example.  But how about limiting it to one day of coverage, so I can get back to the more traditional ‘Senator sleeps with horse’ stuff that usually constitutes my evening news.  Geez.

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Mick Zano

Mick Zano

Mick Zano is the Head Comedy Writer and co-founder of The Daily Discord. He is the Captain of team Search Truth Quest and is currently part of the Witness Protection Program. He is being strongly advised to stop talking any further about this, right now, and would like to add that he is in no way affiliated with the Gambinonali crime family. 

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