The Frozen North—Al Gore is at it again. Our favorite former Vice President is back in the news today after taking on the Heat Miser head on. Gore claims the Heat Miser’s little heat demons are working overtime to warm parts of the Arctic and Antarctic. “The Miser’s in clear violation of basic Labor & Industry Standards and his actions are undeniably contributing to global warming,” said Gore.
The Heat Miser is refusing to release important HR files and replied to the request by sending a series of fire balls hurling toward Al Gore’s mansion. “Nice try,” said Gore, “but most of your energy was captured by my impressive array of solar panels. It will keep me in cognac hot totties for months!”
Republicans, meanwhile, are accusing the Snow Miser of employing undocumented marionettes, some originally from Canada. John Q. Republican told the press today, “Gore attacked the Heat Miser, an act of war, without Congressional approval. He’s the hothead, the Miser is just doing his job. If Al Gore is going to start an unprovoked war, maybe he should turn over that Nobel Pizza thingie. Besides, ‘warming’ is a hoax. There’s still ice in my freezer, in fact, I have been forced to defrost it at periodical intervals. I think the Earth is a lot like my freezer, sometimes shit just needs to thaw so we can find cool glacier stuff floating around, or in the case of my freezer, fish sticks.”
Al Gore plans to respond to the barrage of fireballs that rained down on him with a scathing documentary of the Heat Miser’s questionable business practices. “I understand the Heat Miser’s plight,” said Gore, “Sometimes I still want to see Florida underwater too, but not this way…not this way.”