Washington, DC—Obama sent his sincerest apologies to Benjamin Netanyhu after his speech to congress was plagued with explosions and endless drumming. The Rotunda room, the room located directly in front of where the Israeli Prime Minister gave his speech, had two simultaneous events. Someone had double-booked punk drummer tryouts and a 4th of July “practice” display.
Obama told the press, “We are looking into how this could have happened. Whoever double booked two such important events will be hearing from me personally, or at least a personalized text from me sent by my Secretary of Texting. I could barely hear the drummers over the firework display. This simply will not do. The buck stops here and, as a direct result, I have decided to relinquish command in 2016. Mostly.”
Explosions rocked Congress as Netanyahu pleaded with Congress over the sound of bombs and sifting dust. “This is what I’m talking about. If America chooses to sit on its hands idly and allow Iran to get their own fireworks display, you will have to get used to this kind of thing.”
The lead guitarist for the Armpit Salesman, Nigel Scourge, said, “Congress really needs to keep it down. Nuclear proliferation is important but so is finding this year’s drummer. Peace.”
The Armpit Salesman tend to go through drummers about once a year and have a clear goal of surpassing Spinal Tap’s total number of drummers by 2017. “Because our drummers go to 11,” added Scourge.
The President added, “I don’t want to be part of the reason The Armpit Salesman don’t reach their lofty goal. I don’t think anyone does.”