Jesus Tells Obama to “Grow a Pair”

Jesus Tells Obama to "Grow a Pair"

In an exclusive interview, the Son of God interviewed Barak “Messiah” Obama.  Christ almost immediately called Obama a “whiner” and said today’s political climate was “child’s play” compared to his own experiences.

“You try transitioning mankind from the Old Testament to the New Testament some time,” said Jesus.  “Now that’s change you can believe in.  When I came into power people were stoning gays to death, and God was smiting this and smiting that.  He was taking out whole towns, for My sake.”

When Obama questioned how he handled economic issues, Jesus said, “I, quite literally, turned the tables on the economic gurus of the time.”

But Jesus admitted he was out of control that day, which he attributes to consuming too much “Blood of Me.”  Jesus has never been able to forgive himself for his actions, because “Forgiveness is not my scene, man.”

“Look,” said Jesus, “they can’t do anything worse to you than they did to me.”

When Obama asked him to recount his final moments, Jesus said, “Well, it was a lot better than Mel Gibson’s portrayal in the Passion of the Christ but it was a lot worse than Monty Python’s version in Life of Brian.”

Jesus also admitted the Shroud of Turin was a fake, but that the grilled cheese image from Carolina was legit.

“I just happened to be in town and thought, fry not?” 

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Mick Zano

Mick Zano

Mick Zano is the Head Comedy Writer and co-founder of The Daily Discord. He is the Captain of team Search Truth Quest and is currently part of the Witness Protection Program. He is being strongly advised to stop talking any further about this, right now, and would like to add that he is in no way affiliated with the Gambinonali crime family. 

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