Washington, DC—Discord reporter, Cokie McGrath is live today from the National Mall, where an estimated “shit load” of people are arriving for the Ghetto Shaman’s Rally to Retrieve the U.S. Soul. “There is mass confusion here, however, as other events seem to be occurring simultaneously,” said McGrath. “There are other posters circulating, similar in design to the Shaman’s. Not sure if this is splinter group, or a tribute, or something more sinister.”
In an effort to save America, the Shaman planned to enter an alternate dimension by ingesting six Ziploc bags of ground nutmeg and six flasks of Banana Red Mad Dog 20/20. McGrath had a chance to talk to the Shaman before his departure from this realm.
The Shaman reportedly said, “Wooh hoooh, bitches!” before stumbling down the steps outside of the Lincoln Memorial into the hands of security personnel.
Some theorize the Ghetto Shaman was doused in baby oil to lessen the friction between dimensions, whereas others believe he is just a sick bastard. Did his altered state of consciousness allow him to complete his task? Is our country’s soul safely back in one piece? We may never know the truth, or at least not until Winslow makes his bail again.