Top Ten Slogans Rejected By Amazon

Jeff Bezos is currently the second richest man in modern history (just behind C. Montgomery Burns), so his company, Amazon, is obviously doing pretty well. However, since Amazon is always looking to get a hold of more of your hard-earned cash, they are searching for some new-eye grabbing slogans. Here is a list of the ones that died on the editor’s chopping block, but that I managed to get a hold of:

  1. Amazon: you don’t have to need clothes to buy ’em.
  2. New Alexa app spends your whole paycheck for you! 
  3. By 2020 you’re working for us, and by 2021 you’re replaced by a cyborg. 

   4. Amazon: give us your money.

   5. Blow your yearly budget from the privacy of your own home.

   6. No need to feel guilty about not shopping locally, because now you can.

   7. We help promote homogeny worldwide.

   8. New app allows you to receive packages before you order them.

   9. Amazon: help destroy the middle class, effortlessly!

  10. Keep buying shit, or Bezos might go all Musk.

 

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Alex Bone

Alex Bone

Alex Bone (Michael D. Griffiths) is a man who likes to keep busy, too bad it mostly involves cleaning squirrels. In the past, his writing has been published in numerous periodicals and anthologies sometimes even published by someone else. He was awarded first place in Withersin’s 666 contest, which he was told will later give him the Golden Ticket tour of the third plane of Hell. He is on the staff of The Daily Discord, Cyberwizard Productions, SFReader, and on the Board of Directors for the Society of Advanced Humans that Seek to Live as Viking Ninjas. His series The Chronicles of Jack Primus is available through Living Dead Press. After being bitten by a zombie, his attentions have turned toward the walking dead and he has begun a new Zombie Apocalypse series called the Eternal Aftermath. When he discovered that he was a cloned from Eric the Red’s DNA, he wrote the Science Fiction series Skinjumpers. Later while experimenting with strange fungus, he slipped into a Fantasy world ruled by the mad mage Dalsala Den. 

  2 comments for “Top Ten Slogans Rejected By Amazon

  1. August 25, 2018 at 4:51 PM

    After you posted this, my Alexa keeps telling me to play with sharp things while drinking.

    • Mick Zano
      August 25, 2018 at 4:53 PM

      OMG. As if you’re not already…

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