Dear Ghetto Shaman,

I am depressed, but I’m actually enjoying it. I just love sitting around and moping about and then following it up with some serious feeling sorry for myself time. Isn’t that paradoxical? Should I take meds? Or should I seek more traditional services?

Mindy

Dear Mindy,

I don’t have any “credentials” per se, but I believe I can help. You should celebrate your depression with my new product Spunk be Gone. It’s fast-acting so you’re slow acting ass never has to get off the couch ever again! You might augment your misery by purchasing my work Stillness Burps and Other Gastral Projections. This way you will learn how to look like you’re meditating when you’re actually sleeping. Chapter four really gets at the heart of your dilemma: I’m Pro-zac but Anti-Depressant.

The Ghetto Shaman