Zano Initiates Operation Gloat and Jeer

Mick Zano

Less than 48-hours after I posted my Syria feature, Assad struck a deal to start handing over his WMDs.  Apparently, the single message of the U.S., Russia, and The Daily Discord proved too much for the evil tyrant. As for what the rest of you were thinking, umm, I’m afraid you had a case of the Grand Old Propagandas. Despite the implications, republicans are still trying to make this the most poorly handled foreign intervention ever. And to this I say, amen.

So you’re not sure what happened in Syria? Just apply my handy dandy opposite-of-what-the-GOP-thinks formula and voila! Obama’s intervention was amazing! See how easy that was?

Republicans: Our Resident Authorities on All Things Complicated
Our Resident Authorities on All Things Complicated

Just for a moment, can’t republicans stop being partisan hacks and say, “Wow! Nice! Not sure why that worked but, groovy baby!” At the onset of this Syrian decision the Foxeteers were predicting World War III and the outcome is likely to be: we will share the cost of destroying Assad’s chemical weapons. Here’s what I posted shortly before the deal was struck:

“Obama tends to waffle and waiver and then does something for about nine dollars that gets all of our goals met without breaking an F-ing fingernail, so by all means waffle away, sir.”

—Mick Zano

Here’s what Obama said a couple of days later:

“Had we rolled out something that was very smooth and disciplined and linear, they would have graded it well, even if it was a disastrous policy. We know that, because that’s exactly how they graded the Iraq war.”

– Barack Obama

If only Bush had had the wherewithal to pull off Iraq in a similarly befuddled manner:

  1. 4,000 Americans would still be alive.
  2. Upwards of a million Iraqis would still be alive.
  3. The U.S. would still have something called credibility [kred-uh-bil-i-tee].
  4. Iraq would not be descending into civil war a decade after the famous “Surge”.
  5. We would have likely avoided a global recession that nearly ended the financial world as we know it.

But lest we forget four dead in Libya. No zeros after that…it’s just a four…er, and it occurred in Libya. This is apparently still news to some people. Oh, but Iraq didn’t have WMDs like Syria, so I guess. Wait? What?

Summary Alert:

You’re criticism of Obama during his Syrian intervention is, wait…what the F is wrong with you people?

If we hadn’t learned what not to do during the Bush years the right’s belief system would not be so offensive to me, but WTF?!  WMD WTF? This goes far beyond a coordinated defunding of education. Jesus. Well, never mind, Jesus wanted Obama to nuke Syria. That guy is such a neocon (weapons of Messiah destruction?). I think I already used my Sarin on the Mount joke. Damn it! How about blessed are the mustard gas? No? I’ll work on that one.

“It’s been awesome to watch today as all the jerking knees quieted a little and all the instant judgments of the past month ceded to a deeper acknowledgment of what had actually been substantively achieved: something that, if it pans out, might be truly called a breakthrough – not just in terms of Syria, but also in terms of a better international system, and in terms of Iran.”

Andrew “knee jerking” Sullivan

Also known as:

“Here’s to you, Mick Zano, for consistently showing a keen political insight and for your endless stream of Affleck/Batman jokes.”

—Said no one ever

Yeah, it’s a thankless blog. Meanwhile, Sullivan was shitting a brick. I have always been impressed with Obama’s ability to navigate these foreign minefields. Republicans, on the other hand, tend to just kick every rock…with their dicks (Cheney joke omitted by editor). Thankfully our president can reassess, change in the moment and weigh options in real time…w/ Bill Maher.

Both the lead up to Syria and Iraq exemplify the very reason I won’t support a republican in the White House for the foreseeable future. Their coverage leading up to Iraq was unbelievable, yet somehow their coverage of Syria was worse. See my dismantling of Hannity here. Could you imagine if the GOP was in charge? I can… it’s why I blog.

Republicans think Syria was handled worse than Iraq and they think Benghazi was a bigger intelligence failure than the real 9/11. Republicans make that guy in my town—the one who talks to lamp posts—seem well grounded.

Summary Alert:

The estimated end cost of the Afghanistan War: 3.5 trillion dollars

The estimated cost of the Iraq War: 2.5 trillion dollars

Knocking off al-Qaida’s leadership, virus bombing Iran’s nuclear facilities, and winning Libya and Syria for about the price of Obama’s combined vacations?


Or, as Andrew Sullivan recently put it:

“Meep Meep Mother Fuckers”
“Meep Meep Mother Fuckers”

I don’t know how the Syria or the Iran thing is going to go down, but amen we have someone with a brain pursuing all the alternatives. I have a feeling we’re going to be okay. You know the difference between the GOP and Wile E. Coyote? Wile E. knows when he missed the bird, but I will continue to enjoy watching our Commander-in-Meep as he collectively flips you one. In the context of what he came into and what he has managed to accomplish despite this endless sea of patriotic anarchists remains nothing short of remarkable.

*War estimates based on the high end of Harvard University’s Kennedy School recent study.

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Mick Zano

Mick Zano

Mick Zano is the Head Comedy Writer and co-founder of The Daily Discord. He is the Captain of team Search Truth Quest and is currently part of the Witness Protection Program. He is being strongly advised to stop talking any further about this, right now, and would like to add that he is in no way affiliated with the Gambinonali crime family.