Sarcastically Salving Society
Home of the Transcosmetic Party
A Place for Raging Moderates, Tragic Optimists, and Integral Outcasts
April 17, 2014
AS PART OF A LIBERAL PLOY, COASTAL CITIES ACROSS THE GLOBE DUMPING BILLIONS INTO "CLIMATE CHANGE" FLOOD PREVENTION • DEPRESSION INCREASES CHANCE OF SADNESS IN COSTLY DISCORD STUDY • RETRACTION: OUR HEADLINE "MICK ZANO TO REPLACE JOHNNY CARSON" SHOULD HAVE READ "STEPHEN COLBERT TO REPLACE DAVID LETTERMAN" • FOX NEWS POLL: ONLY FOUR PEOPLE ON OBAMACARE AND THEY ALL HATE IT • FRANTIC MESSAGE FROM FLIGHT 370'S BLACK BOX, "BATTERY RUNNING LOW. PLEASE PLUG IN THE AC ADAPTER." • OBAMA PROMOTES ECONOMIC OPPURTUNTIES FOR WOMEN "BUT NOT IN THIS COUNTRY" • BONO'S U2-MAPS COMPANY COLLAPSES: MAIN COMPLAINT "I STILL HAVEN'T FOUND WHAT I'M LOOKING FOR, HERE, WHERE THE STREETS HAVE NO NAME" •
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The Chronicles of Jack Primus Book 1
Presidential All Seeing Eye

Kiester Island

Khamenei Rork and Tattoo Ahmadinejad

Bill Clinton and his Asian Harem

Obama squares of with Gandalf the Gray over Health Care

Tactics to Draw Out Al-Qaeda in Afghanistan Questioned, Danish Mohammed cartoons for sale

Second Inconvenient Truth Linked to Al Gore’s Cross-Dressing

Moe-hammad
The Hand of God
Under Siege! Top 10 Reasons Seagal Should Not Be AZ’s Governor
Under Siege! Top 10 Reasons Seagal Should not be AZ’s Governor

1. He’s Half Past Dead (2002), or is that our senior Senator?

2. He’s Chosen the Path Beyond Thought (2001). See anything on Fox News.

3. He’s got a Fire Down Below (1997)...which could be syphilis.

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The Daily Discord’s Top 10 Dictatorial Sitcoms of All Time

1. Despot Housewives

2. It’s Always Sunny in Damascus

3. Arrested Dismemberment

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Ted Cruz's Top 10 Role Models

1. That guy who flew his plane into IRS headquarters.

2. That woman who drove her car into the White House barrier.

3. That guy who voted for The Surge in Iran (he meant Iraq, God love him).

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Top 10: the Aftermath of NYC Comic-Con

1. Surrounding neighborhoods see 90% drop in wedgies, nuggies, and wet willies.

2. Batman captured and arrested by NYPD...a lot (bat utility belts prove ineffective)

3. Best costume goes to Homeless Mantis

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Top Ten Pierce Winslow Pet Peeves
  1. Mick Zano
  2. Plural of RPM is RPM, not RPMs moron
  3. The same thing goes for MPG
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Ghetto Shaman’s Best Smeller List
  1. Happy Hour Healer: A Shaman’s Ale
  2. The Tao of Skull Fucking, Editor’s Edition (rare)
  3. The Healing Powers of Certain Massage Parlors        
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Top Ten Worst Bar Names
  1. The Bewildered Skank
  2. The Scrotum and Mallet
  3. In Through the Out Door (named after a gay Led Zeppelin cover band)
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Top 10 Real Reasons Sarah Palin Resigned
  1. She is Having Mitt Romney’s Love Child
  2. Press About to Release Fact: She Really Can’t See Russia from There
  3. Busy Planning Hunt for Levi Johnston from Her Chopper
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Newly Discovered Seuss Manuscripts Are Troubling
  1. The Cat in Arafat
  2. Green Eggs and Hamas
  3. One Fish, Two Fish, White Fish, Jew Fish
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Top Ten Inspirational Rock Songs
  1. Queen’s Flash (he saved every one of us!)
  2. Zappa’s Don’t You Eat that Yellow Snow (it works on so many levels)
  3. Wang Chung’s Everybody Have Fun Tonight, Everybody Wang Chung Tonight (not rock, but never truer words were spoken)
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Top 10 Butch Rocksters Showing Their Feminine Side
  1. Traffic’s Low Spark of High Heeled Boys (where to even begin…)
  2. Van Halen’s Jump (Jump the shark is more like it.)
  3. Def Leppard’s Pour Some Sugar on Me (This coming from a pack of rock-god-posers who couldn’t even kill off their drummer properly.)
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The Daily Discord’s Top 10 Survival Guide
  1. Continue to procreate, you may need to eat your young
  2. Watch Survivor Man and remember which bugs are edible
  3. Start planting food now, like lasagna trees (are Hot Pockets annual or perennial?)
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Top Ten Reasons Why the Government Should Not Nationalize Anything
  1. HI
  2. I'M
  3. FROM
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Top Ten Things We Should Nationalize Before They’re Gone
  1. The National Hockey League (national is already in it!)
  2. The Lesbian Gladiator Website (I’m begging you here)
  3. The Daily Discord  (Soon to be America’s Only News Source)
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Top 10 Social Programs Even Obama Won’t Fund
  1. Fighting Childhood Obesity One Fat Little Fuck at a Time
  2. Moms for Masturbation (MfM)
  3. The Social Inclusion Club (members only)
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Top 10 Jobs Created by the Stimulus Package
  1. Bankruptcy Lawyer
  2. Crises Worker
  3. Suicide Hotline Operator
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Discord Horoscope

Aries (March 21-Aril 19) Your Hyundai will explode leaving a better handling black thing in your driveway. Bad week to eat licorice.

Taurus (April 20-May 20) You will be controlled by aliens from Rigel 4. They will make you act out the funnier American Idol episodes.

Gemini (March 21-Aril 19) Avoid dangling midgets.

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Our Obama Wish List: Please Restore...
  1. My 401K
  2. My House
  3. The Constitution
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Top Ten Fictitious Drinks and Places to Enjoy Them
  1. The Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster – The Restaurant and the End of the Universe
  2. Fudd– The Beer & Brawl, Spittle County
  3. Moloko– Korovs Milk Bar (for all your ultra-violence needs)
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The Official Crank Manifesto 2008 “This Smells Like Ass” Top Fifteen
  • 1. Any bailout of anything (with the exception of boats?)
  • 2. Not seeing perp walks of Dodd, Franks, Paulson, Bernanke, Reid and Pulosi (don’t go away angry, just go away).
  • 3. Four more years of the Clinton administration, minus the guy who made it all work (Slick Willie, where are ya?).
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Top 10 things I learned at college
  • 10. Sincerity – I am a one girl man, Kim
  • 9. Diplomacy— It got me out of bar fights with men called Psycho.
  • 8. Persuasion – Helped me to get others to type, research, and edit my term papers.
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Top Ten Failed Football Mascots
  1. The Boston Stranglers
  2. The Detroit Gusty Autumn Breezes
  3. The Seattle Strap-Ons
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Top 10 Things to Slap on Back of Friend’s Unattended Laptop
  1. Shhh! Downloading Kiddie Porn
  2. Proud Inappropriate Toucher
  3. Hello Sailor
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The Rock Gods Fatal Flaws
  1. The Beatles (went to extremes to impress Jodie Foster)
  2. Led Zeppelin (shocked by death of drummer—didn’t they watch Spinal Tap?)
  3. The Rolling Stones (hired zombie/pirate to play lead guitar)
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Top Ten Worst Documentaries Of All Time
  1. Southwest Airline's Great Baggage Screening Outtakes Reel
  2. Going Up? The Musak Story
  3. The Accidental Martyr (starring Abdul "I strapped on what?" Rahman)
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Worst Rock Solo Careers of All Time
  1. David Lee Roth (Hello Yankee Rose—Goodbye Diamond Dave!)
  2. Art Garfunkle (Hello silence my old friend)
  3. Oats of Hall & Oats: (The Just Oats Tour)
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Fox's Tentative Fall Line-Up
  1. Survivor Tijuana: Anyone who makes it all night without a tattoo or an S.T.D. wins passage back to U.S.
  2. Coyote for a Day: contestants are tested on how many illegals they can sneak over the border.
  3. Pimp my Fridge Carton: The show that proves you don't have to live in a house to have bling.
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Top 10 Dictatorial Sitcoms
  1. Despot Housewives
  2. Extreme Homo Makeover (a lighthearted look at Iran's gay re-education program)
  3. Everybody Loves Chavez
See All 10...
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Discord Videos
Coming Soon! Summer of 2014! or Thereabouts
Coming Soon! Summer of 2014! Or Thereabouts
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Discord's Daily Discharge
Discord's Daily Discharge
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 Arizona Cable Company Airs Our 1st Commercial!
 The Lowell Observatory Incident: Putting the Ass Back Into Asstronomy
 Breaking News Into Tiny Shards of Sensationalism
 Startling Ineptness Haunts Discord Ghost Investigation!
More Videos...
Decrepit Discord
 Your Pets Don't Love You
 Mitch McConnell "Man of Mystery" Meme Takes Net by Storm
 Discord Staff Vows to Repeat the Mistakes of Last St. Patrick's Day
 And the Winner of the Dumbest Quote of the 21st Century Goes To...
 A Despondent Obama Last Seen Wandering Toward Columbia Heights
 How Obama Earned His 41% Approval Rating, or at Least Is Renting to Own
 Why Didn’t They Handout Aluminum Foil Hats at CPAC? an Oversight?
 Mr. Smith "Nearly Done" Reading the Affordable Care Act
 Al Gore Releases More Ozone-Depleting Gases Into the Atmosphere
 Discord to Move Away From Content in Favor of 24/7 Pledge Drives
 CPAC Run!
 U.S. Deploys Cast of Game of Thrones to Crimea
 I Didn’t Leave the Discord, the Discord Left Me: Oh, and I Didn’t Have Email
 Investigation Uncovers Problem With Sochi Opening Ceremony
 After "No Hell" Bomb, Pope Tweets "And the Bible's Kind of a Shit Show"
 And the Tasteless Joke of the Year Goes To...
 Star Trek V Space Case
 Discord Celebrates First Accurate GOP Prediction of 21st Century
 The Captain and Tennille Split Up: Millions Rejoice
 The 80's Called and They Want Their Bad Joke Back
 Arizona’s SB1062: Fabulous Ousts Crabulous
 Benghazi Isn’t a Scandal, It’s a Cry for Help
 Top 10 Guinness Pours in Tucson Revealed!
 On News of Death Zano Downplays Ramis/Discord Feud
 Dolphin Mothers Boycott Discord
 The Case for Obama's Impeachment, Part Five: NSA
 Disaster Strikes Last Day of Olympics
 The Case for Obama's Impeachment, Part Four: Benghazi
 The Case for Obama's Impeachment, Part Three: Obamacare
 The Case for Obama's Impeachment, Part Two: Fast & Furious
 The Case for Obama's Impeachment, Part One: IRS
 Train Transporting Crude Oil Doesn’t Blow Up
 Satellite Confirms the Only Light in N. Korea Is a Motel 6
 Pope
 Deport Every Politician Thwarting Obama on Iran
 Market Crashes As Yellen Giggles and Farts Through Confirmation Hearing!
 93,000 Liters of Beer Are Lost Each Year in Facial Hair in the UK Alone
 Ticket Emerges That Finally Captures the GOP’s Values
 Discord's Daily Discharge
 Religion Added to DSM-V
 Reaganomics: Don't Let an Economist Tell You Different
 Stock in Grumpy Cat Collapses
 Haunted Tucson: the Hotel Congress
 Have You Spoken to Your Kids About Benghazi?
 A Confused Putin Pardons Justin Bieber
 Discord Super Game Coverage
 The Main Reason Republicans Will Lose the Future
 Hef and the Dead
 During SOTU Obama Mentioned Alimony 14 Times and Chardonnay 37 Times
 Rosetta Scandal: Obama’s Blunders Deciphered!
 Egypt Builds Cage for Prospective Leader...Just in Case
 God Implicated in Climate Change Hoax
 Obama Sells Arizona Back to Mexico
 ObamaCare Unveils New "Fun Size" Healthcare Enrollments
 As Arizona’s CPS Closes Brewer Opens the "Jan-Line"
 Hillary Asks Discord to "Stop Helping!"
 Arizona Cable Company Airs Our 1st Commercial!
 Journalism Lives!…umm, on the Left
 In Rare Show of Force Zeus Blasts Jesus
 Koch Industries Acquires Umbrella Corporation and Skynet
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