Sarcastically Salving Society Home of the Transcosmetic Party A Place for Raging Moderates, Tragic Optimists, and Integral Outcasts
June 18, 2013
NEWS FLASH: DAILY DISCORD NOW SPORTING NEW FORMAT, VIDEOS, ETC....AND I POSTED IT NAKED (TRUE STORY) • ON PRESSURE FROM HOMELAND SECURITY DISCORD CANCELS ITS "HUG A SUICIDE BOMBER DAY" • BUTTON FLY JEAN COMPANY ESTABLISHES NO FLY ZONE OVER GAP • FIRST DISCORD ORIGINAL VIDEO "BONEFOOT" IS SET TO PREMIERE ON JUNE 19TH RIGHT HERE! CHECK YOUR SPAM FOLDERS • MAN TASERED 423 TIMES BY POLICE CLAIMS LAST 72 TIMES "UNNECESSARY" • ALICE KRAMDEN TO BE AMONG FIRST ON VIRGIN FLIGHT TO MOON • IS THE DAILY DISCORD SECRETLY SUPPLYING SYRIAN REBELS WITH JOKES? •
Topics Arts & Culture  47-Year-Old Discovers Function of Cart Corrals  COMING SOON!  Taser Parties: Tase Me Again, Bro!  Ninja Porn Now Available On The Discord  Discord Apology XXII: Into Retractness  Star Trek: Into Beigeness  Ghetto Shaman Vows to be the First to Fly 23-Ton Lego X-Wing Model  Boy Scouts Recognize Gay Youths!  Crawdads Protest Outside of Discord Tower  The Worst Song Ever Written More... News & Politics  Fast & Furious Organizers Selected to Arm Syrian Rebels  Israeli Site Rape or: How I learned to Stop Worrying and Love Surveillance  Snowden Releases All Personal Emails from X-Girlfriends  Eric Holder’s I Purged Myself Today Tops Charts  GOP Strains Something Trying to Link Obama to IRS Scandal  GOP: Debt, Delusion, and Drudge  Michelle Obama’s Heckler Added To Terrorist Watch…  Bloomberg Responds to Operation: Glazed Donut Greasewich  If I Had a More Powerful Telescope, Amy...  Threatening Letters to Bloomberg Test Positive for Saccharin More... Science & Technology  Antpocalypse Now: Crazy Ants Drive out Fire Ants  Massive Ice Deposits Found in Man’s Freezer  As An Avid Shark Week Watcher...  New Technology Lets Blind See Porn  Has Anyone Seen My Contact Lens?  Voted Best Product 2012: Tens of Thousands of Zombie Feeders Recalled  Putin Downplaying Lake Vostok Zombie Outbreak  WHO: A New Wave of Superbugs Pose Dire Threat  WARNING: Cialis May Cause Public Bathing in Seperate Bathtubs   More... Spirituality & Enlightenment  Ask the Ghetto Shaman  The Horny Goat Weed Question  Ask The Ghetto Shaman  I Don't Always Invent Obama Scandals  God Targeting the Tea Party with Hail and Shit  Ask The Ghetto Shaman    Space For Sale  My Life in Retail: Part One  Alex Bone’s Get Poor Quick Scheme More... Sports  Beasts & Men with Tits: Unsung Heroes of the NFL  Oprah Admits to Using Ratings Enhancing Drugs  The Annual Pine Forest Pick-Up Games Commence  New London Connecticut Mistakenly Prepares for Olympics  Kings Draft New Assistant Coach  Knowing No Hockey Customs, L.A. Kings Just Stare at Stanley Cup Until Fans Leave  Garbage Basketball a Lost Art for One Man  Go Coyotes! No, Really...You Can Move to Seattle  Uh Oh, Tebow's Getting Weird  Winnipeg Wilderness Wipes out Warm Weather Wussies More... Weird & Haunted Travel  Ghost Busted: Team Discord Bested by Rank Amateur  HIKE:  A Four Letter Word for a Reason  Bart Simpson Claims responsibility for "Nightmare Cruise"  The Haunted Palace at Prescott’s Whiskey Row  Plight of the Phoenix: How I Stopped Worrying About On-Coming Traffic and Learned to Love the Valley  Interview by a Vampire  Durango and the Haunted Hotel Hatrick  Haunted Silverton: A Grand Imperial Poltergeist  Ouray’s Western Hotel: A Very Brady Slaughter House  Haunted Colorado or Rocky Mountain High-Ya-Yay More... Contributors Pierce Winslow  Israeli Site Rape or: How I learned to Stop Worrying and Love Surveillance  Space For Sale  It's Alive, It's ALIVE!  GOP Reveals Vision For Upcoming Budget Negotiations  GOP Furious with Obama's Permanent Changes to the Capitol Building  Aliens Determined to Gangnam Style!    Another 2012 Apocalypse Theory  We Should Win A Pulitzer for This!  Twitanic More... Alex Bone  COMING SOON!  Taser Parties: Tase Me Again, Bro!  Crawdads Protest Outside of Discord Tower  Alex Bone’s Get Poor Quick Scheme  Thai Porn Restaurants Linked to Dolphin Exploitation  Amazon Buys Out All Major Grocery Store Chains  Men Officially Concede Battle of the Sexes  Gun Enthusiasts Use Zombie Threat to Justify Arsenals  Alien Invaders Distressed Over Failed Apocalypse  Discord Resorts to Black Magic to Increase Ratings More... Mick Zano  COMING SOON!  The Horny Goat Weed Question  Ghost Busted: Team Discord Bested by Rank Amateur  Scandal Quest: Would the Real Scandal Please Stand Up  Mother Road Brewing and Deschutes Unite!  A Victory for Gun Owners or for Gun Sellers?  Conservative Legacies: Just Say No  The "Media Research" Center  The Republican Scandal Identifier Kit  The Darker Corner of The TwiRight Zone More... The Crank  Star Trek: Into Beigeness  My Life in Retail: Part One  New York Guido Meets Arizona Gun Show  Beasts & Men with Tits: Unsung Heroes of the NFL  The GOP: Snatching Defeat from the Jaws of Victory  Cranky Predictions for 2013  Catitude: The Cat's Domestication of Mankind  Plight of the Phoenix: How I Stopped Worrying About On-Coming Traffic and Learned to Love the Valley  You Bastards! You Blew It All to Hell!  Dear Fox News More... Erisa Brahe  Antpocalypse Now: Crazy Ants Drive out Fire Ants  New Technology Lets Blind See Porn  Pope Seeks Retirement Advice from Emperor Palpatine  Dino Farts the Cause of Prehistoric Global Warming?  Cannibals Offended by the Name Zombie  Russian Prehistoric Lake Drilling Unleashes Zombie Plague! The Ghetto Shaman  Ask the Ghetto Shaman  Ask The Ghetto Shaman  Ask The Ghetto Shaman  Ask The Ghetto Shaman  Ask The Ghetto Shaman  Ask The Ghetto Shaman  Ask The Ghetto Shaman  Ask The Ghetto Shaman  Ask The Ghetto Shaman  Ask The Ghetto Shaman More... Tony Ballz  The Worst Song Ever Written  Brah!!  Beer And Bloating In Camp Verde  Zombienomics or Night of the Living Prez  It's The Water!  Beyond Irony or Rickrolling in A Pink Unicorn T-shirt  A-Crock-O-Shit Now  Opinions on Politics by a Non-Voter  Records Are Great  NERDS!!!!! More... Bald Tony  HIKE:  A Four Letter Word for a Reason  Chinatown Vegas: You Go Now!  Vegas San Gennaro: Leave the Feast, Take the Cannoli  Another One Bites the Dust  And now for Something Completely Celtic  The First Rule of Pizza Club is Don’t Talk About Pizza Club  Flagstaff’s Big Red Poor  The Heart Attack Grill Charged with Assisted Suicide: No Charge, Cash Only  Porn Free: One Cabby’s Vegas Tail  The Danger and Intrigue of Live Girl Billboards: Turning Road Rage into Road Raging Hard Ons More... Features By Type  Cartoons  Spoof News  Articles  Top Ten Lists  Advice Columns  Video Clips  Faux Ads Distinguished Discord, The Best Of  Cartoons  Spoof News  Articles  Advice Columns Discord Dream Cabinet Discord Disciples (Companion Sites) Subscribe Now Search The Discord About Us Contact Us Site Map Be our friend... ...with benefits Show us your tweets... ...and we'll show you ours		47-Year-Old Discovers Function of Cart Corrals "I always thought carts were herd animals." Enlarge... Eric Holder’s I Purged Myself Today Tops Charts Better than his We Are Never Ever Getting Back the Freedom Enlarge... Ninja Porn Now Available On The Discord Spot the naked ninjas for cash prizes! Enlarge... Michelle Obama’s Heckler Added To Terrorist Watch… Never mind; drone strike successful Enlarge... If I Had a More Powerful Telescope, Amy... We could see all the way to the GOP base Enlarge... Ghetto Shaman Vows to be the First to Fly 23-Ton Lego X-Wing Model Enlarge... Boy Scouts Recognize Gay Youths! Operation Shock and Wedgie to commence Enlarge... Obama Linked to Irish Potato Famine of 1845 "We are not ruling out Obama's role in the blight of 1690" — Mitch McConnell Enlarge... I Don't Always Invent Obama Scandals But when I do the IRS audits ME! Enlarge... “Beware the Irrational, However Seductive” —Christopher Hitchens Enlarge... Enlarge... Enlarge... Let's Combine Nationalism, Religion, and Propaganda! What could possibly go wrong? Enlarge... It's Alive, It's ALIVE! Twinkie Resurrection 2013 Enlarge... “Why is the President afraid to use the word terrorist?” --Dennis Miller Um, maybe he’s too busy killing them? Enlarge... W Says Jeb is the Man for 2016 Because nepotism has worked out so well in the past Enlarge... The Cycle of Wife She starts off horny and then someone always gets hurt Enlarge... Discord Musical Quest for Fiber Flops! Well, it beat their Silence of the Cramps Enlarge... As An Avid Shark Week Watcher... ...wearing underwear full of chum on your head is bad. Enlarge... Ghidorah vs. Mozilla Flops At Box Office! Well, it was better than Flight of the Netscape Navigator Enlarge... Republicans Look to Return to a Simpler Time Don't worry, they say it can't be more than 6,000 years Enlarge... Has Anyone Seen My Contact Lens? I think it rolled over by those people I just crushed Enlarge... The Shroud Of The Dirty War Has Fallen... Begun The Pope War Has! Enlarge... CPAC Summary: This Time Let's Get Crazy Right! How do we sell our bad ideas to a broader audience? Enlarge... GOP Reveals Vision For Upcoming Budget Negotiations Beats their "Deliverance" version Enlarge... WHO: A New Wave of Superbugs Pose Dire Threat Remember: service guarantees citizenship! Enlarge... YES, I Realize the Media is Going Down the Shitter… But Fox has already reached the ocean Enlarge... Bart Simpson Claims responsibility for "Nightmare Cruise" Vows, "You’re next QE Poo!" Enlarge... GOP Denies Collapse Of "Conservative Intelligentsia" "Hell, we don't even know what that means" Enlarge... Zano Says It’s Time For Simpson-Bowls! And the "Free Eric Cartman Now" Committee Enlarge... Pope Incinerates Hundreds During Last Public Appearance Final words: "I will watch Rubio's career with great interest" Enlarge... Angered by the Pope's Resignation God Fires Warning Shot Across Our Bow Enlarge... Jindal on Republican Stupidity Crusade! Proposes Operation GOP/GED Enlarge... Can't Ever Seem to Rent That One Place... Enlarge... WARNING: Cialis May Cause Public Bathing in Seperate Bathtubs Enlarge... The Discord Will Attend This Event! Enlarge... I Have a Teleprompted Dream! Enlarge... GOP Furious with Obama's Permanent Changes to the Capitol Building Yeah, well you should see what he did to the Lincoln Memorial Enlarge... Aliens Determined to Gangnam Style! So far they suck at it. Enlarge... Oprah Admits to Using Ratings Enhancing Drugs Armstrong never got a word in edgewise Enlarge... Israel Warns The Ghetto Shaman is Within a Year of Weaponizing the New Age Movement Enlarge... Joe Biden Wrestles Water Pistol From Child's Hand "The journey of a 1,000 weapons begins with that little shit who squirted me." Enlarge... Republicans Discovered on Galaxy NGC-922 It's the one waaaaay to the right Enlarge... Clinton Creates Nano-Blood Clot to Avoid Testifying What will those diabolical Dems think of next? Enlarge... Homeland Security Bans Seven of Ten Ghetto Shaman New Year's Resolutions The FDA bans the other three Enlarge... After The Next Congress Recess What If We Just Change All The Locks On The Capital Building? Enlarge... "Why did the Mayans Build the Fiscal Cliffs in the first place?" "They were probably Republicans." Enlarge... Man Blows Mayan Apocalypse Plan "Fire? Isn't this the long count that ends with flooding?" Enlarge... Enlarge... The Crank Weighs in On Hostess' Recent Liquidation "Mmmm, liquidation" Enlarge... GOP's 'Fiscal Cliff" Negotions Start Where They Should Have A Year Ago Waking from a coma isn't easy... Enlarge... They're Still Heading for the Fiscal Cliffs of Insanity? INCONCEIVABLE!! Enlarge... Another 2012 Apocalypse Theory The Twinkie Mother Ship Returns...Angry Enlarge... We Should Win A Pulitzer for This! Check our NRA version, "From my cold, dead Ho-Hos!" Enlarge... Apu Weighs In On Hostess Debacle "It's almost as bad as the Great Squishee Shortage of '97" Enlarge... Cause of Massive Solar Flare Linked to Petraeus, Benghazi, and Obama And possibly Solyndra Enlarge... I Remember A Time When Scandals Weren’t Imaginary And they were made right here in America Enlarge... Twitanic Enlarge... Some of the Magic We Missed Romney tells neighbor his fav justice pick Enlarge... You Don't Have Romney to Kick Around Anymore Thank the comedy gods Bachmann is still in Enlarge... Sandy vs Marilyn Enlarge... Klingons Mourn the Loss of a Kindred Spirit Today Klingons Vow to Avenge Romney! Enlarge... Enlarge... Happy Halloween from the Discord Staff! Enlarge... I Hope Mitt Lets Me Out Of His Binder Soon Enlarge... The Tea Party Enlarge... Could you imagine what would have happened to Palin if they'd unleashed the Biden in 2008? Enlarge... The 2nd Presidential Debate: Not as good as Brokefact Mountain Enlarge... Enlarge... Mitt Romney Has the Invisible Plan Opening January 20, 2013 (maybe) Enlarge... Romney to "Clean Up" Sesame Street Will the Count lose his castle? "I'm 1, 2, 3 payments behind mwah, hah, hah." Enlarge... You Are Trapped in an Invisible Chamber of Energy Origin of the Jedi mime trick Enlarge... Rover Finds Life On Mars! Jesus, would you Google people give it a rest?! Enlarge... I Don't Always Appear on The Daily Discord But when I do, their server crashes me Enlarge... Tomb of the Unknown Candidate Let no man say he did not give 53%! Enlarge... Romney Campaign Blaming Chief Strategist In his defense, he did already fire Dr. Evil Enlarge... Sidewalk Artist Hoax: Squats Near Real Sinkhole! Dozens fall to their death with hilarious consequences Enlarge... If you do not bring forth what is within you, what you do not bring forth will destroy you. Jesus on holding in your farts Enlarge... Awwe, They're So Cute Until You Turn on the Water Retinas grow back, right? Enlarge... Umm, What Are You People Selling Exactly? Enlarge... GOP Reveals Its Vision Warning: don't wear if you're from this reality Enlarge... If This Is Going To Be A War of Ideas... ..Isn't it time Republicans got some? Enlarge... The Annual Pine Forest Pick-Up Games Commence Shirts and skins decided, awaiting the coin toss Enlarge... Last Data from Curiosity... "Ahhh, irony" Enlarge... Fukushima's Mutant Butterflies are they a precursor to Mothra? Enlarge... The Other Grover's Tacks Pledge... "I'll remove these when Cookie Monster can eat what he wants!" Enlarge... Romney Palin 2012 See? The GOP really hasn't learned a fucking thing. Enlarge... Romney Having a Hard Time Relating to Voters Note to self: kiss the baby, don't crush Enlarge... Can the Ghetto Shaman Save American Idol? We sure hope not... Enlarge... At This Point Wild Horses Probably Could Just sayin'... Enlarge... Massive Home Scrotal Defibrillator Recall! Today's incident brings new meaning to the words "goodness gracious great balls of fire." Enlarge... Regime Change at Penn State! Enlarge... Katie Holmes' Appearance on Oprah Tomkat downgraded to Scatkat Enlarge... Kings Draft New Assistant Coach To keep our 'Beeker Week' rolling along Enlarge... God Angered By Obamacare Ruling! DC plunged into darkness Enlarge... Chewy Defeats Thurman! Enlarge... Is this How Gonzorhea Starts? Or Kermitiya? Just don’t play banjo music around Miss Piggy Enlarge... Mubarak Lives but Hasn't Gone Near the Hamster Wheel or his Water Bottle for Days Enlarge... Art's Worst Comeback Attempt Yet? Beeker & Garfunkle release of Bunsen Burner Blues explodes onto the scene Enlarge... Evidence of Obama's Fascism Emerges! Gibbs' goosestepping never covered by lame stream media Enlarge... Knowing No Hockey Customs, L.A. Kings Just Stare at Stanley Cup Until Fans Leave Chant of "Lift it Assholes!" fell on deaf ears Enlarge... Cost of War in Iraq: $1 Trillion Cost of War in Afghanistan: $2 Trillion Dismantling the al-Qaeda network for the price of about 57 drones: priceless Enlarge... Edwards Admits to his Friends, his Family and the World How He Really Wanted to Nail Juror Seven Enlarge... Jesus was a Republican! "Lost Gospel of Palin" Discovered! Reveals God's plan: energy, tax cuts, and lift American spirits Enlarge... Paleontologists Admit, "We Just Made this F'ing One Up" Enlarge... In the Mail Today Enlarge... Mid-Flight Aircraft Mating Rituals Baffle Scientists Enlarge... Taken Outside Cokie McGrath's Place She has that effect on frozen water particles Enlarge... Is Bathroom Technology Becoming Sentient? Enlarge... Enlarge... Vetting Process Not Going Well for Christie You should see what they did to Rubio Enlarge... Altoona Abe Predicts 12 More Months of Darkness Enlarge... Sure the Dark Knight Rises... But does he use Bat Enhancement pills? Enlarge... The Land Speaks and We Listen... Unless the land says "jump in front of a bus." Then we're like "Fuck you land!" Enlarge... Sole Survivor of Japanese Tsunami "Ghost Ship" Speaks! He kept saying, "Gojira!! Gojira!!!" Enlarge... Obama Dispatches Enterprise to Persian Gulf... ...replacing foreign oil with controlled matter/anti-matter reaction Enlarge... A Long Time Ago in a Galaxy Far, Far Away... Sith Protective Services intervened, but not before Vader was traumatized Enlarge... Sarkozy Bitten by Werewolf! Hopes to court the Vampire Diaries, Being Human, and Twilight votes. Enlarge... Secretaryian Violence Increases in Syria Why are their Secretaries so angry? Enlarge... Cheney's Doctor Speaks Out on His Controversial Operation Enlarge... Dick Cheney "Doing Great" after Heart Transplant Although his breath is magnified and a little raspy Enlarge... Enlarge... Shocking New DNA Evidence of Wolverine’s Origins! Enlarge... Eight of Ten Surveyed Prefer the Backdoor Steakhouse Enlarge... What did you expect? Welcome, Sonny? Thanks for nabbing Bin Laden? Thanks for avoiding a depression? Enlarge... The Discord Caption Contest Winners Are: Get your stinking paws off me you damn dirty ape (C. Heston) It’s said her balls grew 10 sizes that day (Dr. Seuss) Right idea, wrong finger (The Crank) Enlarge... Man Admits He's Not a Huge Paul Fan "I just can't beat this damn OCD." Enlarge... Dingo Did Not Take Baby: Age Old Mystery Solved? Focus of investigation now on this man Enlarge... New GOP Frontrunner Land of the Lost's Chaka!! Slogan 'Yes Chaka Khan' under copyright scrutiny Enlarge... Santorum? No. No, we haven't seen him Brought to you by Polar Bears for Climate Change Awareness Enlarge... Enlarge... Gomez-Fester 2012 A dead chicken on every door! Enlarge... Did Romney Pander to Vegas Voters? And was ziplining Fremont St. painted like the Blue Man Group too much? Enlarge... Brewer Queen of the Desert Enlarge... Republicans STILL Seeking Likeable, Dangerously Incompetent Candidate This headline is as valid today as when we wrote it...427 debates ago Enlarge... Is Gingrich Practicing his 'Knock Out' Campaign Promise on Lesser Dems? Enlarge... Obama and Cheney Finally Agree! "Everbody deserves a fair shot." Enlarge... One Percenter Donates $7.5 Million to Repair Washington's 'All Seeing Eye' Enlarge... The Ghetto Shaman's 'Barely Legal Kundalini Cruise' has been Indefinitely Suspended Enlarge... Yes We Have No Bananas... Sure we do. Enlarge... 2012: The Choice between Smart Unconstitutional Power, or Incompetent Unconstitutional Power Enlarge... DON'T TAUNT DR. EGO!!!! Enlarge... Bachmann Hires North Korean Criers After Stunning Loss in Iowa Enlarge... Actually, This is When the North Koreans Started Crying Enlarge... Fibonacci Was a Fruit Loop Ahh, but those yummy fructose fractal flakes... Enlarge... Godzilla Always Has Trouble with Bra Strap Enlarge... Uh Oh, Tebow's Getting Weird Well, weird—er Enlarge... Where is the Supercommittee Now? Who the hell cares? Enlarge... Cain Funds Time Machine in Effort to Not Grope Women in Past Enlarge... Georgia Woman Claims, "Despite My Advances, Cain Was Never Inappropriate" Enlarge... After the utility belt "incident" Batman could finally hit those high notes Enlarge... Uh Oh, looks like that 1% has an expiration date Enlarge... Stunning Volcano Spews Hot Air and Lava Miles into the Air Enlarge... This is a fractal look at the internet; the core is, of course, hard core. Enlarge... What We All Can Agree On Enlarge... Bill Maher Admits He's Joe Walsh on Weekends Joe Walsh Admits He's Bill Maher on Weekdays Enlarge... We are Discord! We occupy space Enlarge... Cain-Burns 2012 You're all worthless and weak! Enlarge... This Week on Appetizer Death Match Sample Platter Batter! Enlarge... Meet the New Faces of Para-Abnormal Reseach Sometimes the truth is really, really out there Enlarge... Man's Attempt to Snort the Gobi Desert Ends Poorly Enlarge... Eric Holder's Amazon Purchases Hacked! At least he bought some Anne Rice porn too. Enlarge... Cantaloupe Attacks More Brazen! Fruit threat level raised to orange Enlarge... Another Job Lost But was he anywhere near Obama? Enlarge... Palin Not Running: Prefers to be "an Outsider" Also considering becoming a Warrior or a Sweathog Enlarge... Are Christie and Huntsman Too Smart for the GOP? Will an IQ over 100 and a tenuous grip on reality disqualify them? Enlarge... Chris Christie Should Not Run!! He should walk first and work up to a slow jog Enlarge... Hogwarts? Shit...this can't be right Enlarge... Mayans Little Known 2013 Earth-Ovum Prediction Buick-sized sperm to burrow to Earth’s core! Enlarge... "You've Got a Friend in Cheez-it" Campaign Causes Controversy Enlarge... NASA Releases New Photos of Apollo Moon Landing Site Enlarge... Bed Bugs on the Rise? What about Yosemite Salmonella? Enlarge... Cheney Reveals his Post 9/11 Undisclosed Location in New Book Enlarge... A Story of One Man's Incompetence...and Incontinence Enlarge... Never Mind those Mayans... Enlarge... Discord's Winner of the Triple-Phallus Toon Award 2011 Enlarge... Squidthulhu! For those three Spongebob/Lovecraft fans out there Enlarge... Perry Trump in 2012 PAID FOR BY THE COMMITTEE TO RE-ELECT BARACK OBAMA Enlarge... Right-Wing Blow-Hards Lead the Charge It's all about our Christian values... Enlarge... Ethics committee questions the Forcing a Monkey's Head Through a Chain Link Fence study Enlarge... England has the right idea... I said venti, bitch! Enlarge... Local Man is First in Nuclear Nasal Fusion Wife lives in constant fear of next sneezing fit Enlarge... Egypt: Mubarak Faces Lethal Dose via Water Dispenser All hamster ball and wheel activities indefinitely suspended. Enlarge... Enlarge... Working for TSA = $46K/Year Getting to pat down the former Secretary of Defense = priceless Enlarge... The Faces of Math Don't be a statistic Enlarge... Enlarge... And yet when I get a good Buzz, I can't even get a Woody Enlarge... In a Perfect World... Shouldn't lighthouses be referred to as beach boners? Enlarge... Shop VoldeMart! Where we slash prices...and muggles Enlarge... South Sudan Independent! Great, now Africa has 54 countries that SUCK Enlarge... I don't always read the Discord But when I do I throw up my Dos Equis Enlarge... Famous Jesus Outtakes: "No man cometh unto the Father, but by me, which alloweth me to charge a hefty cover" Enlarge... Romney's Handlers Upgrade to the Romney3000 after this model siezed for nearly an hour during a book signing Enlarge... Obama, "Our Borders are Secure!" Now he's working on Barnes & Noble Enlarge... Methodology of Latest Discord Study Questioned Enlarge... Today's Conservative "Thought"... Aren't they just adorable? Enlarge... Etch A Scotch By the Makers of MagnaDewars Enlarge... TSA Unveils New Airport Security Screening Portals Enlarge... Jimmy Makes a Fatal Mistake "You wanna play rock, paper, pincers?" Enlarge... 2012 Palin Presidency Prophecy! MSNBC During the Inauguration Enlarge... On Closer Inspection, Maybe the Birthers were Right! Enlarge... Pakistanis Are Furious Beiber not Appearing in Islamabad I would hate to be that kid Enlarge... Discord Responds to Dems & Republicans...Release the CRANKEN!!! Enlarge... Dems Respond... Release the FRANKEN!!! Enlarge... We Have No Good Nominees? This Late? Release the KRAKEN!!! Enlarge... Siberian Alien Proven a Hoax! And may have been photoshopped by Discord staff Enlarge... Bin Laden Death Photo Creates More Questions than Answers has it been doctored? Enlarge... Due to Continued Al-Qaeda Threats to the Daily Discord... Our terrorist threat level was raised from Waterboarded to Shot in the Head Enlarge... Instead of an Islamic funeral, can't we just shove a bomb up his ass and drop him on Kaddafi? Enlarge... Pope John Paul II's Body Exhumed for Beatification Yep, a relevant rerun Enlarge... Should I be Concerned? This "degree" was on my therapist's wall Enlarge... Eden Trial WikiLeaks Dump Revelation! (Not to be Confused with Revelations) "I'm tellin' ya, boss, the bitch gave me the apple" Enlarge... The Daily Discord... For some piece of mime Enlarge... Despite Extreme Cosmetic Gesture, Aflac Refusing to Rehire Gottfried Enlarge... Ancestry.com: You Don't Need to Know What You're Looking For... You just need a shovel Enlarge... Etrade Baby Arrested on Insider Trading Charges Will he be tried as an adult? Enlarge... Burger King Mascot Fails in Libya Time to call in "The Captain" Enlarge... NASA Discovers Planet Where Republican Views Make Sense Enlarge... The Grudge Report An ideological curse that spreads from headline to headline Enlarge... Mattel to Introduce Moose Murder Barbie! Beverly Akerman MSc: Sarah Palin: Moose Murder Barbie Steeps at Mega Tea Party Enlarge... Obama Sends Fleet to Head off Japanese Radiation Plume Obama doesn't want to appear weak on Homeland Radioactivity Enlarge... Critics Accuse NRA of Marketing to Children Well, it's better than ballis-tic-tac-toe Enlarge... Info from Japan's Nuclear Incidents Unreliable? What else aren't they telling us? Enlarge... Why Were We All so Suprised that Judas Priest Guy was Gay? Enlarge... Egypt's Aftermath: Looters Make Off with the Great Pyramid And didn't the Sphinx have a nose? Enlarge... Send in the Envoy: If anyone can talk Gaddafi down, it's the Burger King mascot Enlarge... Intelligence Suggests Gaddafi Seeking Plutonium He is also pressuring Narnia for military secrets Enlarge... Decision 2012, The New Face of Roulette I'll take barrel #4 Enlarge... Is Our Scientific Research Becoming too Suggestive? Enlarge... Meet Available Discord Singles in Your Area See their controversial topless Craigslist photos! Enlarge... Source of Night Terrors Discovered Enlarge... The Leslie Nielsen Foundation Suing Christina Aguilera for Plagiarism Although they admit, "the reaming part was a nice touch" Enlarge... Vince Shlomi of ShamWow Fame’s Infomercial Mix Up Dan Rooney, owner of the Steelers, said "We're embarassed, even more so than by Reed, Holmes, and Rothlisburger." Enlarge... The Prince of Darkness and the Anti-Christ! Ozzy understandably nervous meeting the 'Big Guy' Enlarge... Cairo Unhappy with New Value Menu You should see what they did to the Denny's Enlarge... Obama Apologizes to Pakistan for Next Dozen Drone attacks Enlarge... Opinion on Over Fishing: "Everytime we catch a fish, we should plant another one" Enlarge... The Discord's Beatifcation of Pope John Paul II Enlarge... Biden Reassures the Country of Afghanistan... "They've put a time limit on how long I can talk" Enlarge... Eric Holder: Not Exactly Sure Where His Keys Are Enlarge...