Sarcastically Salving Society Home of the Transcosmetic Party A Place for Raging Moderates, Tragic Optimists, and Integral Outcasts
December 9, 2013
IS BENGHAZI THE NEW PEARL HARBOR? WE DISTORT, YOU DECIDE • LONG TERM STUDY CONCLUDES LONG TERM STUDIES TAKE TOO LONG • A CONFUSED ALEX BONE CONFRONTS NASA HEAD, "WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO STOP LISTENING IN ON OUR CONVERSATIONS!" • MONTY PYTHON REUNITES! EXCEPT YOKO ONO... STOP! THIS MARQUEE SCROLLER THING IS GETTING FAR TOO SILLY • LATEST TREE TO SWERVE IN FRONT OF LOHAN'S CAR IS BELIEVED TO HAVE ACTED ALONE • ANOTHER FLORIDA SINKHOLE OPENS UP UNDER OBAMACARE • DESPITE REPUBLICAN OPPOSITION ICEBERG SIZE OF SINGAPORE BREAKS FROM ANTARCTICA •
Topics Arts & Culture  Not Again! Lohan Careens Into La Brea Tar Pits  Pythons Reunite! Except Yoko Ono  After Latest Deer Attack Daryl Wanted for Questioning    To Boldly Punch Someone in the Face  Walkers: They Have Always Been Among Us  Look, All the Mad Hatters Are at the Tea Party  Hi I’m Daryl. This Is My Zombie Larry and My Other Zombie Larry  Cluster Blank: the Movie  Manscaping: You're Doing It Wrong More... News & Politics  Sardines Complain of Cramped Packing Conditions  Can I Please Place Sanctions on Congress?  Another Load of Joy Set to Arrive From Japan for the Holidays  What Keeps Me up at Night, Besides Jolt Cola  The Daily Discord’s Top 10 Dictatorial Sitcoms of All Time  Did Pardoned Turkey Rejoin Anti-Thanksgiving Extremist Group?  Is Real News Becoming a Distraction From Benghazi?  If Website Not Fixable 2nd White House Being Constructed to Hide Obama  Palin Chugs Bucket of Hydrogenated Oil for 'Free the Trans Fats' Protest  The Tea Party Band Has All Your Block-a-Billy Favs! More... Science & Technology    Ancient Alien Secrets Revealed!  Timber Wolf Mistakenly Reintroduced Into Mall of America  Due to Warming Scientists Move Doomsday Clock!  Huge Stone Egg Discovered Under Notre-Dame Gargoyle  Hormel Suing for Always Ending up in "The Folder"  Study: Dolphins Capable of “Swearing Like Sailors”  Ant Invasion: Them! Them!!  Godzilla Accused of Racial Profiling  Tunguska Blast Mystery Solved? NASA: "It Was a Space Fart" More... Spirituality & Enlightenment  Proof of an Evolution of Consciousness?  Vatican Sets up Special Child Abuse Committee  Pope Accused of Spying on God  The Popes Come Out! Demand to Be Married in Church!  New DSM-V Adds Religion As a Funde-Mental Disorder  Return of Squidthulhu!  So What If I Pissed Off Parapsychologist Dean Radin?  Ask the Ghetto Shaman  The Horny Goat Weed Question  Ask The Ghetto Shaman More... Sports  Putin Determined to Butch-Up Olympics  NHL to Skip to Playoffs for 2013-2014 Season  US Men’s League Opening Doors for Ousted European CHL Goalies  Beasts & Men with Tits: Unsung Heroes of the NFL  Oprah Admits to Using Ratings Enhancing Drugs  The Annual Pine Forest Pick-Up Games Commence  New London Connecticut Mistakenly Prepares for Olympics  Kings Draft New Assistant Coach  Knowing No Hockey Customs, L.A. Kings Just Stare at Stanley Cup Until Fans Leave  Garbage Basketball a Lost Art for One Man More... Weird & Haunted Travel  The Brewery Trap: "Let’s Get a Little One"  Ghost Busted: Team Discord Bested by Rank Amateur  HIKE:  A Four Letter Word for a Reason  Bart Simpson Claims responsibility for "Nightmare Cruise"  The Haunted Palace at Prescott’s Whiskey Row  Plight of the Phoenix: How I Stopped Worrying About On-Coming Traffic and Learned to Love the Valley  Interview by a Vampire  Durango and the Haunted Hotel Hatrick  Haunted Silverton: A Grand Imperial Poltergeist  Ouray’s Western Hotel: A Very Brady Slaughter House More... Contributors Mick Zano    Can I Please Place Sanctions on Congress?  Another Load of Joy Set to Arrive From Japan for the Holidays  What Keeps Me up at Night, Besides Jolt Cola  The Daily Discord’s Top 10 Dictatorial Sitcoms of All Time  The GOP: What Doesn’t Kill Them Only Makes Them Wronger  The Tea Party Band Has All Your Block-a-Billy Favs!  Isn’t That the Pot Calling the Ketamine Crack?  Palin to Ride From Plymouth Reliant to the Gettysburg Address Warning of Health Care Reform  Climate: Keep the Change More... Sean Kelsey  Walkers: They Have Always Been Among Us  Look, All the Mad Hatters Are at the Tea Party  BP Spends 1.3 Billion on Oil Gusher Video Makeover  Being the Worst NHL Fans Year after Year  You Shall Not Pass!!!!  Try Stealing This One American Digest!  Did Darwin's Family Influence His Theory?  Parachuting from Responsibility to Profit    I Don't Care What You Do to Me... More... The Crank  Cluster Blank: the Movie  Umm, We Don’t Do Rebuttals Anymore, Crank  Extreme Politics: the Baghdad Bob Syndrome  Ant Invasion: Them! Them!!  Star Trek: Into Beigeness  My Life in Retail: Part One  New York Guido Meets Arizona Gun Show  Beasts & Men with Tits: Unsung Heroes of the NFL  The GOP: Snatching Defeat from the Jaws of Victory  Cranky Predictions for 2013 More... Alex Bone  Tobacco Lobbyists Introduce Spokesman Kenny the Crawdad  New DSM-V Adds Religion As a Funde-Mental Disorder  Discord Faces Hostile Invertebrate Takeover  COMING SOON!  Taser Parties: Tase Me Again, Bro!  Crawdads Protest Outside of Discord Tower  Alex Bone’s Get Poor Quick Scheme  Thai Porn Restaurants Linked to Dolphin Exploitation  Amazon Buys Out All Major Grocery Store Chains  Men Officially Concede Battle of the Sexes More... Pierce Winslow  The Daily Discord Presents  Empire's Austerity Measures Impacting Sith Recruitment  Yoda Turns to the Dark Assad  I See You! and Will Take Your Mordor Order!  Israeli Site Rape or: How I learned to Stop Worrying and Love Surveillance  Space For Sale  It's Alive, It's ALIVE!  GOP Reveals Vision For Upcoming Budget Negotiations  GOP Furious with Obama's Permanent Changes to the Capitol Building  Aliens Determined to Gangnam Style! More... Tony Ballz  Titties and Jesus  Record Store Day  LSD, Wilco, and the Monte V: A Cautionary Tale  The Worst Song Ever Written  Brah!!  Beer And Bloating In Camp Verde  Zombienomics or Night of the Living Prez  It's The Water!  Beyond Irony or Rickrolling in A Pink Unicorn T-shirt  A-Crock-O-Shit Now More... Erisa Brahe  Antpocalypse Now: Crazy Ants Drive out Fire Ants  New Technology Lets Blind See Porn  Pope Seeks Retirement Advice from Emperor Palpatine  Dino Farts the Cause of Prehistoric Global Warming?  Cannibals Offended by the Name Zombie  Russian Prehistoric Lake Drilling Unleashes Zombie Plague! The Ghetto Shaman  Ask the Ghetto Shaman  Ask The Ghetto Shaman  Ask The Ghetto Shaman  Ask The Ghetto Shaman  Ask The Ghetto Shaman  Ask The Ghetto Shaman  Ask The Ghetto Shaman  Ask The Ghetto Shaman  Ask The Ghetto Shaman  Ask The Ghetto Shaman More... 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Look, All the Mad Hatters Are at the Tea Party Hi I’m Daryl. This Is My Zombie Larry and My Other Zombie Larry Cluster Blank: the Movie Manscaping: You're Doing It Wrong Rocky the Rollout Rodent to Explain Website Fail Bone Knocks Block Off Scout Leader Blockhead Walking Dead Cast Party Ends With Deaths, Injuries, Head Shots Ted Cruz's Top 10 Role Models Johnny, Rosin up Your Bullshit: the Charlie Daniels Effect Stones Admit to Cameos in Every Walking Dead Episode Obamacare.com Lacks Geek Squad Support Yoda to Host Fashion Reality Show Tobacco Lobbyists Introduce Spokesman Kenny the Crawdad Top 10: the Aftermath of NYC Comic-Con Our Country Started With a Tea Party and Will Likely End by One On Eve of Nation's Destruction GOP Makes Final Demands Amidst Shutdown Washington Monument Sold to Chinese New Development Rocks Muppet World! Umm, We Don’t Do Rebuttals Anymore, Crank You’re Blaming Obama for the Shutdown?! Nerd Uprising! Shutdown Closes Comic-Con The Daily Discord Presents Missing Toddler Found Anchoring on Fox News Soylent Stock Soars on D.C. Dysfunction Polarization Nation: Thanks for Ending Our Democracy Roddenberry's Tactics During Original Series Questioned Remember When the GOP Just Sucked While in Office? Haunted Weatherford ACA Exchanges Open: Obamalypse Now!! And Now for the GOP's Next Trick You’re Being Called Anarchists Because You’re Anarchists Mr. Burnses of the World Unite Against Obamacare Was Churchill’s Speech Really About Zombies? Black Parliament Member’s Dinner With Merkel Bombs Zano Initiates Operation Gloat and Jeer Empire's Austerity Measures Impacting Sith Recruitment Obama Makes Impassioned Plea to Bomb Heaven The Popes Come Out! Demand to Be Married in Church! 25 Conservatives: 37 Psych Diagnoses Ancient Alien Secrets Revealed! Timber Wolf Mistakenly Reintroduced Into Mall of America Yoda Turns to the Dark Assad Titties and Jesus Epic Colorado Flooding Blamed on Dems Attempt at Gun Control Wait, I Can See Affleck As Batman Syria: Operation "Point and Glare" Enters Third Straight Day You Don’t Know Why It’s Bush’s Fault? Syriaously? Obama Takes Moment of Silence and Reflection on 9/11 Before Blowing Shit Out of Syria Nation’s 1% Gather in Subterranean Bunker for "Holy Shit We’re All Going to Die!" Summit With Israel Mocking U.S. Weakness Kerry Initiates Operation Point and Glare Extreme Politics: the Baghdad Bob Syndrome Syria: Why Wait on Long Lines at Universal to See This Kind of Shit? Nicki Minaj: Weird Science Gone Bad Voyager: Sends Back First Images From Beyond Solar System Arson at Yosemite? Short Cowboy Sought for Questioning
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