Sarcastically Salving Society Home of the Transcosmetic Party A Place for Raging Moderates, Tragic Optimists, and Integral Outcasts
July 26, 2014
THE NEXT PERSON WHO DOESN'T KNOW WHAT AQUAMAN UNDEROOS ARE, I'M JUST GOING TO PUNCH • NRA PLANNING "SOMETHING SPECIAL" FOR UPCOMING 75TH SCHOOL SHOOTING SINCE COLUMBINE • OIL TANKER EXPLODES OFF COAST OF JAPAN: NO GIANT MONSTERS CLAIM RESPONSIBILITY • TED CRUZ WINS REPUBLICAN STRAW POLL? THAT’S THE LAST STRAW POLL...YOU BROKE IT. • CLOSE GUANTONOMO: FIVE DOWN, 149 TO GO... I ADMIT THIS POSITION WON'T BE HORRIBLY POPULAR WITH HORRIBLE PEOPLE • IRONY ALERT: ICE FLOES DISAPPEARING FAST, REPUBLICAN THOUGHT GLACIALLY SLOW • OBAMA ASKS THE FIVE RELEASED TALIBAN PRISONERS TO "KINDLY RETURN TO GUANTANOMO" •
Topics Arts & Culture  Gays Forcing Nationwide Califabulous  Stewart Destroys Discord in Daily Show Diatribe  Breaking: Alex Bone Has an Alien Chest-Buster Living Inside Him  Apology VXIC: Yes, We Can No Longer Count This High in Roman Numerals  Guided by Voices: Crescent Ballroom, Phoenix 6/15/14  Should the Discord Have an Age Limit?  Mount Rushmore: What Went Right and Wrong  Discord Standing by Their Controversial Kasem Coverage  Loaded Gun Found in Toy Store Deemed Legal in Arizona  Obama Visits Last Operational 80s Video Store More... News & Politics  Russia Standing by 10-Minute Rocket Launcher Tutorial for Rebels  Impeachment: You're Doing It Wrong  Yes, It’s All Part of a Vast Left Wing Conspiracy, Called Thinking  This Just in From Crank Headquarters  Read Between the Lies  Secretaryian Violence Increases in Syria  The 2-Million Tons of Unaccounted for Plastic in Our Oceans Found  Women Will Eventually Rule: Zano Interpretation of the Ukraine Ceasefire  The Iraq War and the Edge of Harshness  What Were Republicans, Daddy? More... Science & Technology  Immigrant Children Transformed Into Renewable Energy Source  Mysterious Crap Circles: Alien Messages or Intestinal Flu?  Timber Wolf Mistakenly Reintroduced Into Mall of America  New Theory of T-Rex Anatomy Emerges  New Alzheimer’ Research Helps Mice Find Where They Left Their Car Keys  Archeologist Dates Great Pyramid of Vegas to 1991 AD  Al Gore Releases More Ozone-Depleting Gases Into the Atmosphere  Massive Home Scrotal Defibrillator Recall!  Are Fish Getting Hooked the Wrong Way?  The Lowell Observatory Incident: Putting the Ass Back Into Asstronomy More... Spirituality & Enlightenment  After Supreme Court Ruling Discord Mistakenly Attacks Chick-fil-A  Guy Named Francis Excommunicates Mafia?  Atheism: It’s What’s for Last Supper  Atheism Is Dead: Don’t Believe the Unbelievers  After "No Hell" Bomb, Pope Tweets "And the Bible's Kind of a Shit Show"  Pope  God Implicated in Climate Change Hoax  In Rare Show of Force Zeus Blasts Jesus  God Furious Over Latest Discord Cartoon  Three Wise Men, Two Shepherds, One Camel Arrested for Crimes Against Secularism More... Sports  Bettman Refuses to Relinquish Cup!  Camera Down! Now Maybe He'll Have Some Time for Our Editing.  Investigation Uncovers Problem With Sochi Opening Ceremony  Disaster Strikes Last Day of Olympics  Discord Super Game Coverage  Putin Determined to Butch-Up Olympics  NHL to Skip to Playoffs for 2013-2014 Season  US Men’s League Opening Doors for Ousted European CHL Goalies  Beasts & Men with Tits: Unsung Heroes of the NFL  Oprah Admits to Using Ratings Enhancing Drugs More... Weird & Haunted Travel  Mizpah Hotel in Tonopah: Ghost Adventures V Ghost Blunders  Top 10 Guinness Pours in Tucson Revealed!  The Brewery Trap: "Let’s Get a Little One"  Ghost Busted: Team Discord Bested by Rank Amateur  HIKE:  A Four Letter Word for a Reason  Bart Simpson Claims responsibility for "Nightmare Cruise"  The Haunted Palace at Prescott’s Whiskey Row  Plight of the Phoenix: How I Stopped Worrying About On-Coming Traffic and Learned to Love the Valley  Interview by a Vampire  Durango and the Haunted Hotel Hatrick More... Contributors Mick Zano  Russia Standing by 10-Minute Rocket Launcher Tutorial for Rebels  Mizpah Hotel in Tonopah: Ghost Adventures V Ghost Blunders  Impeachment: You're Doing It Wrong  Yes, It’s All Part of a Vast Left Wing Conspiracy, Called Thinking  This Just in From Crank Headquarters  The 2-Million Tons of Unaccounted for Plastic in Our Oceans Found  Women Will Eventually Rule: Zano Interpretation of the Ukraine Ceasefire  The Iraq War and the Edge of Harshness  What Were Republicans, Daddy?  Obama: the Worst President Never More... Pokey McDooris  Read Between the Lies  Total (Over) Lording Deniers  Atheism Is Dead: Don’t Believe the Unbelievers  Crying in the Grocery Store Coffee Shop  The Manchurian Gutter Ball  I Didn’t Leave the Discord, the Discord Left Me: Oh, and I Didn’t Have Email  Institutional Inhibitors to US Development: Stand Back & Embrace the Suckage  Cultural Facilitation for Dummies  The Good Opinions of Others  The Transcosmetic Party: Evolve or Dissolve More... Pierce Winslow  Secretaryian Violence Increases in Syria  Who Is the Sith Lord and Who Is the Sithy Boy?  Discord Staff Vows to Repeat the Mistakes of Last St. Patrick's Day  Duck Dynasty’s Downfall: It’s Mallard Time  The Daily Discord Presents  Empire's Austerity Measures Impacting Sith Recruitment  Yoda Turns to the Dark Assad  I See You! and Will Take Your Mordor Order!  Israeli Site Rape or: How I learned to Stop Worrying and Love Surveillance  Space For Sale More... Alex Bone  Breaking: Alex Bone Has an Alien Chest-Buster Living Inside Him  Bike Rider’s Blues: Schwinning!  Dolphin Mothers Boycott Discord  Religion Added to DSM-V  Obama Sells Arizona Back to Mexico  Tobacco Lobbyists Introduce Spokesman Kenny the Crawdad  New DSM-V Adds Religion As a Funde-Mental Disorder  Discord Faces Hostile Invertebrate Takeover  COMING SOON!  Taser Parties: Tase Me Again, Bro! More... Tony Ballz  Guided by Voices: Crescent Ballroom, Phoenix 6/15/14  Your Pets Don't Love You  The Captain and Tennille Split Up: Millions Rejoice  Pope  Hef and the Dead  Titties and Jesus  Record Store Day  LSD, Wilco, and the Monte V: A Cautionary Tale  The Worst Song Ever Written  Brah!! More... Pete Christensen  Mount Rushmore: What Went Right and Wrong  Give Them Exactly What They Deserve  Declare War Not Bankruptcy The Crank  Only Your $ Stays in Vegas  Cluster Blank: the Movie  Umm, We Don’t Do Rebuttals Anymore, Crank  Extreme Politics: the Baghdad Bob Syndrome  Ant Invasion: Them! Them!!  Star Trek: Into Beigeness  My Life in Retail: Part One  New York Guido Meets Arizona Gun Show  Beasts & Men with Tits: Unsung Heroes of the NFL  The GOP: Snatching Defeat from the Jaws of Victory More... Dave Atsals  Eternal Damnation, Probably  Pope Incinerates Hundreds During Last Public Appearance  You Don't Have Romney to Kick Around Anymore  Umm, What Are You People Selling Exactly?  Last Data from Curiosity...  Can the Ghetto Shaman Save American Idol?  Join the Unemployed to Help Romney’s Chances  Sarkozy Bitten by Werewolf!  Apparently, Two Beers and a Free Meal = $48.50  Did Romney Pander to Vegas Voters? More... 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Oil Tanker Sinks Off Coast of Japan: No Monsters Take Responsibility Syria Disarms, Despite Republican Opposition Benghazi Is an Important Scandal: a Republican One Guy Named Francis Excommunicates Mafia? GOP Unveils New Plan to Take Back White House Sage-like Prophets Predict Iraqi Problems...in 2007 Who Is the Sith Lord and Who Is the Sithy Boy? Give Them Exactly What They Deserve Discord Standing by Their Controversial Kasem Coverage Bettman Refuses to Relinquish Cup! Obama Visits World's Smallest Museum David Brat Seems Pretty Okay for a Tea Bagger Obama Condemns Own Drone Strike on 60s Band Procol Harum David and GOPliath? Zano Playing Ouija With John Lennon Again Loaded Gun Found in Toy Store Deemed Legal in Arizona Alternate Timeline: Fox Ramps up Ridicule Over Failure to Rescue Bergdahl Why I Preferred the GOP When They Were Bombing the Wrong Country Obama Visits Last Operational 80s Video Store Deceased Mime Appointed White House Press Secretary Most Interesting Man in the World Linked to Climate Change Where Climate Change Is Likely to Hit the Hardest Ten Children Vanish During Jackson Cirque Du Soleil Performance Discord Staff Turns in Combined 401Ks for Godzilla Endorsement The GOP: You’re All Glenn Beck Now Russian Rocket Falls Back to Earth Onto Putin Rival Biden Refuses Prom Request Obama to Begin "Tough" Action on Head of Veterans Affairs Mysterious Crap Circles: Alien Messages or Intestinal Flu? McDonald's PR Pyro Nightmare GOP Critical of Japanese Response to Giant Lizard Wanna’ Fix This Country? Prescribe Low-T for the Dems and Ginkoba for the GOP Obama Visits Leesburg Lunch Pail Museum This Day in History: Elias Issa Heads to Salem After Allegations Surface of Witchcraft Dean and Sterling? Wonder Twins Unite! Form of Intolerance Total (Over) Lording Deniers Fox News Finally Charted by the Combined Efforts of Captain Nemo and Sinbad Timber Wolf Mistakenly Reintroduced Into Mall of America Iran Claims to Have Successfully Copied U.S. Drone Bigfoot Subpoenaed to Testify on Benghazi Discord Summarizes Evolution of Benghazi Hearings Bike Rider’s Blues: Schwinning! Lewinsky's Secret Revealed in Discord Exclusive R.V. Krugan Adds Painting to "Thrown Shoe" Collection Upgrade for Fortune Cookies Now Available Declare War Not Bankruptcy Family of Botched Executionee Set to Sue Oklahoma Camera Down! Now Maybe He'll Have Some Time for Our Editing. Dear Fox News: Your Obamacare Lies Are Working! Latest Search for Republican Thought Comes up Empty Before Duty Secret Service Agents Must Blow Into TelePrompter Artist Rendition of Hillary's 2020 Presidential Run Discord One Step Closer to Pulitzer for Beiber Coverage Feds: Assassinated Nevada Cows Linked to Al-Qcattle and Heffbollah Atheism: It’s What’s for Last Supper Colorado Annexes Nearby Circle-K's Atheism Is Dead: Don’t Believe the Unbelievers Former Yahoo COO: "$58-Million Severance Will Interfere With My Medicaid and Food Stamps." New Theory of T-Rex Anatomy Emerges Obama Finally Has Putin Where He Wants Him
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