Sarcastically Salving Society
Home of the Transcosmetic Party
A Place for Raging Moderates, Tragic Optimists, and Integral Outcasts
October 1, 2014
OBAMA DECLARES WAR ON POISONOUS FLORIDA CATERPILLAR • PELOSI: REPUBLICANS ENDANGER CIVILIZATION • ZANO: PELOSI HAS RARE, ACCURATE STATEMENT • WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO SEND SHIT FOR THIS MARQUEE/TICKER THING, ZANO! JESUS, WHAT AM I NOT PAYING YOU FOR? —PIERCE WINSLOW • OBAMA ADMITS TO SPENDING ALL NATION'S FLEX-FUNDS ON GOLF, STARBUCKS AND BEER • CONGRESS APPROVES BILL TO...HA HA HAH! KIDDING! CONGRESS DOESN’T APPROVE BILLS • TOP LIBERALS STRESS DIPLOMACY WHEN NEGOTIATING WITH EBOLA VIRUS •
TopicsTopics
ContributorsContributors
FeaturesFeatures
Subscribe Now Subscribe Now
Search The Discord Search The Discord
About Us About Us
Contact Us Contact Us
Site Map Site Map
Be our friend...
...with benefits
Show us your tweets...
Follow The Daily Discord on Twitter
...and we'll show you ours
Follow The Daily Discord on MySpace
Betty Ford Center
Presidential All Seeing Eye

Kiester Island

Khamenei Rork and Tattoo Ahmadinejad

Bill Clinton and his Asian Harem

Obama squares of with Gandalf the Gray over Health Care

Tactics to Draw Out Al-Qaeda in Afghanistan Questioned, Danish Mohammed cartoons for sale

Second Inconvenient Truth Linked to Al Gore’s Cross-Dressing

Moe-hammad
The Hand of God
Stout and Java: the Next PB&J?
By Mick Zano
Mick Zano

Many years ago, when I saw the cast of Friends hanging out all night in some coffee shop, I thought, wow, here’s a fad that won’t last. I meant to say: Friends—an awful show—I knew coffee shops had a place in my future, in the same way that Jennifer Aniston and Courtney Cox probably did not.  I only came to appreciate coffee, and those gathering niches that serve it, after I actually owned the laptop myself.  Besides, what did we do in coffee shops before laptops?  Knit?

Back in the day, the only time I entered a coffee shop was nursing a hangover.  So, of course, my younger days of the barista were rather skewed, as I was typically nauseas, delirious, and often asked to leave.  Not too dissimilarly to the experience when frequenting bars the night before.  Heck, back then that was the usual routine to the Discord gang, when saddling up to any given establishment.  I only started getting into coffee and java joints later in life.  This transformation happened when my doctor said my liver was larger than some Greek Islands and that I might want to consider my own zip code for it.

On a business trip the other day, I drove about as far south as one can drive and still be in the U.S. and I ended up in a town called Bisbee—a little burg where Groom Lake (William Shatner, 2000) was filmed and the miserable flick was thankfully buried in a nearby mine shaft.  There are seven bars worth entering in Bisbee.  I know, because I went into all of em’. But they were mostly empty, aside from one where William Shatner was bullying tourists into booking with Price Line.  I even sent Winslow an email from the Copper Queen Hotel, where I sat outside sipping a 90 Shilling IPA.  I was writing that really awful faux article about the Polish plane crash. If Dante’s version of the afterlife is correct, then that politically incorrect yuck-yuck should drop me down a level or two.

My first thought upon rolling into town was, "Who the hell put Jerome, Arizona here?"

So, after my solo bar tour, I decided on a coffee crawl.  You see, as you get older, the headaches and hangovers don’t wait until the next morning.

The Bisbee Coffee Company did not disappoint.  A great Americano!  I don’t know if it’s Seattle’s influence or what, but the coffee out west beats the shit out of the east coast equivalent.  It’s strange, because in my NY family someone went to get the best bread, some else was sent to the best butcher, and someone else was sent to the best bakery…but then we drank watered down Maxwell House.  Why is good coffee so hard to come by in the, otherwise, land of plenty?  En route to the Bisbee Coffee Co., I was nearly run over by a biker gang.  While I hit the can, the bikers beat me to the counter, where I had to watch these leathery clad gents order a round of mocha latte crappachinos.  Real men drink espresso.

The barista asked, "leave room for cream?" and I immediately countered with "Whip cream is for burly biker types"

I got a rare laugh while I snuck a peak over my shoulder to make sure the bikers didn’t hear me.  After all, I will die for a good joke. I think there are few things people who know me would agree upon, that’s probably one of them.  Today, most people don’t get my humor.  OK, never mind, it’s always been like that.

Speaking of which, I bought a nice cigar in Prescott last week.  I always say last week.  It was probably in the seventies.  I watched the young lady behind the humidor masterfully clip off the end of my Ashton Churchill and then somehow slid that bitch right back into the thin plastic sleeve that it came in.

I said "Damn, I’ve never been able to master that maneuver." 

She called security.

Now back in the day, Drew Carey had a show…forget the name of it.  Anyway, his beverage of choice was always some beer and java combo.  His motto was why not mix your favorite two things, or some such.  I tried that once—cost me two relationships.   The mixture of coffee and stout beer is actually growing in popularity and, at the time, I thought Drew Carey was mad.  Whatever happened to that guy anyway?  Wasn’t he kicked off a Southwest flight recently?  Anyway, about four years ago, (AKA the seventies) Otto’s Brewery in State College, PA started brewing a Sumatra stout.  Certain batches were amazing—one of the best beers I’ve ever had! My wife is not much of a beer drinker.  She prefers to hang out with whip cream toting Harley types.  But, boy, she could suck down those coffee stouts.  She could pound those puppies like Dick Cheney.  Dick doesn’t like beer much either, but he loves to pound puppies. 

As I sat in that Bisbee coffee shop, I wondered what would happen if you just mixed a stout with a coffee?  I really do think this way.  My neurologist says it’s due to head trauma and pot use, but that’s another story—a tale that ended with some chick breaking a skull bong over my head (which might explain a couple of things). I figured the best place to put this deductive gem into effect was in Prescott, as Flagstaff has a great coffee shop and a great brewery right across the street from each other.  But my experiment wouldn’t work there unless I wanted to practice my alchemy while avoiding oncoming traffic.  In Prescott there’s The Raven, which always has wonderful beer on tap and a great Sumatra coffee brewing (free refills).  So, in that same establishment, I would discover the true art of mixing a great stout with a superb cup of joe.  Fuck the brewing process.  It’s overrated anyway.  So, I will return to this article this Saturday at The Raven with a brew and a bold steamy cup in front of me.  See you at The Raven.  Never more… 

Well, here I am atop one of the greatest drinking establishments this side of the Rio Grande.  They recently opened up a roof top bar. Arggg! They don’t have any stouts on nitrous. Last time I was here, Max had more stouts on tap.  Stupid spring.  So I tried it with an imperial stout from Sierra Nevada and the Raven’s espresso.  I mixed a small sample of the concoction as not to wreck the whole drink and….here we go.

Er, I think I will try this again someday when they get the Left Hand Milk Stout back—an imperial stout just won’t cut it.  I need nitrous (who doesn’t, right?).  All right, that was not horribly inspiring…like most of my work.  Now what should I do?  I think I will mix flirting with alcohol.  Yeah, that’s the ticket.  Probably a better mix anyhow…  

Share on Facebook Share on Twitter Subscribe to the Discord
Discord Videos
Search Truth Quest: EP1 Part 3: Lair of the Hot Barista
Search Truth Quest: EP1 Part 3: Lair of the Hot Barista
Share on Facebook Share on Twitter Subscribe to the Discord


Search Truth Quest: Part 2 EP 1: Undulating Maggots of Doom
Search Truth Quest: Part 2 EP 1: Undulating Maggots of Doom
Share on Facebook Share on Twitter Subscribe to the Discord
 Search Truth Quest: Part 1 EP1: Chud Vendetta
 Camera Down! Now Maybe He'll Have Some Time for Our Editing.
 Discord One Step Closer to Pulitzer for Beiber Coverage
 Discord's Daily Discharge
More Videos...
Decrepit Discord
 Prescott’s Haunted Hotel St. Michael: Oops, Ghost Found
 Burger King Abandons U.S. for Canada!
 Discord CEO Moves All Reporters Into a 1957 Winnebago
 Rand's Brand Banned in Fox Land
 Search Truth Quest: Part 2 EP 1: Undulating Maggots of Doom
 Another Controversial Discord Ad
 Putting the 'Fun' Back Into Fundamentalism
 This Day in Future History: President Perry Bombs U.N.
 Orson Calling Mork: Orken Spacecraft Surround Earth!
 Parmesan Cheese Newest Tool in Battle Against Drug Addiction
 Obama Asks Bush About That Mission Accomplished Banner
 Flagstaff’s McMillan Pub: the Good, the Bad, and the Zano
 Lauren Bacall, Best Known for Her Role in Scooby-Doo: the Goblin King, Is Dead at 89
 Homer's Touching Tribute to Robin Williams
 Malaysia Unveils Plans for New Global Rail System
 Discord Moment of Silence for Robin Williams
 Christie Warns: "I Will Shoot the Next Reporter Who Mentions Bridgegate in the Face"
 I’m Not Joining the Discord, Zano, so Kindly Fuck Off!
 Obama Denies Ordering Airstrikes on Iraq
 Search Truth Quest: Part 1 EP1: Chud Vendetta
 Gaza Psychologist Just Doing End of Life Therapy
 Negativity Bias, Interpersonal Circumplexes, and Other Political Psychobabble
 Homer Simpson: the Most Interesting Meme in the World
 Another Shopper Vanishes Into the Bloomingdale Triangle
 Bloom Vs Bieber: High Elf Vs Low Life
 Artificial Self-Esteem Bolstering for Dummies
 Theory Emerges After Appearance of Third Siberian Sinkhole
 Man Taken Aboard the Loch Ness Monster by Alien Bigfoots
 Discord Interpretation of Recent News Headline Questioned
 The Forces of Yig Gain Major Foothold in the Crawdad Apocalypse War
 Local Teen Sleuths Solve Casey Case-um
 To Summarize the Distraction That Is the GOP
 Immigrant Children Transformed Into Renewable Energy Source
 Russia Standing by 10-Minute Rocket Launcher Tutorial for Rebels
 Mizpah Hotel in Tonopah: Ghost Adventures V Ghost Blunders
 Impeachment: You're Doing It Wrong
 Yes, It’s All Part of a Vast Left Wing Conspiracy, Called Thinking
 This Just in From Crank Headquarters
 Read Between the Lies
 Secretaryian Violence Increases in Syria
 The 2-Million Tons of Unaccounted for Plastic in Our Oceans Found
 Women Will Eventually Rule: Zano Interpretation of the Ukraine Ceasefire
 The Iraq War and the Edge of Harshness
 What Were Republicans, Daddy?
 Obama: the Worst President Never
 The Day Obi-Wan Really Started to Worry About His Apprentice
 Gays Forcing Nationwide Califabulous
 Sarah Palin Speaks...Badly
 Breaking Vlad?
 Stewart Destroys Discord in Daily Show Diatribe
 Breaking: Alex Bone Has an Alien Chest-Buster Living Inside Him
 GOP Now Deems ‘Painfully Obvious’ Comments Insightful
 Apology VXIC: Yes, We Can No Longer Count This High in Roman Numerals
 After Supreme Court Ruling Discord Mistakenly Attacks Chick-fil-A
 GM Claims Fiery Crash New Feature Not Design Flaw
 Ah, to Be a Republican Website for a Day
 Guided by Voices: Crescent Ballroom, Phoenix 6/15/14
 Should the Discord Have an Age Limit?
 Mount Rushmore: What Went Right and Wrong
 Battle of Biden Hill: Poor Poor Pitiful D?
RSS Subscriptions
Search
About Us
Contact Us