Sarcastically Salving Society
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July 24, 2014
THE NEXT PERSON WHO DOESN'T KNOW WHAT AQUAMAN UNDEROOS ARE, I'M JUST GOING TO PUNCH • NRA PLANNING "SOMETHING SPECIAL" FOR UPCOMING 75TH SCHOOL SHOOTING SINCE COLUMBINE • OIL TANKER EXPLODES OFF COAST OF JAPAN: NO GIANT MONSTERS CLAIM RESPONSIBILITY • TED CRUZ WINS REPUBLICAN STRAW POLL? THAT’S THE LAST STRAW POLL...YOU BROKE IT. • CLOSE GUANTONOMO: FIVE DOWN, 149 TO GO... I ADMIT THIS POSITION WON'T BE HORRIBLY POPULAR WITH HORRIBLE PEOPLE • IRONY ALERT: ICE FLOES DISAPPEARING FAST, REPUBLICAN THOUGHT GLACIALLY SLOW • OBAMA ASKS THE FIVE RELEASED TALIBAN PRISONERS TO "KINDLY RETURN TO GUANTANOMO" •
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Voter Victimization: How Do I Know When My Political Party is Abusive and Controlling?
By Mick Zano
Mick Zano

About a year ago, Pokey McDooris wrote an article championing the likes of Rush Limbaugh and Glenn Beck.  Either these guys have tanked even more, or Pokey got a hold of some unusually strong pot that week. Hydropundits? During my last trip to Las Vegas, I had to listen to Rush Limbaugh between Kingman, AZ and Boulder City, NV—a long stretch of highway not dissimilar in appearance to the moon. I lost the signal twice, hit search, and immediately found those invisible airwaves crackling with Rush. I couldn’t really find any common ground, though.  And I was actually trying to find some for the first hundred-miles or so.  It’s lonely on the moon. I felt like that dog from Chevy Chase’s Vacation. "He probably kept up for a mile or so…" (sniffle).  Limbaugh was shamelessly trying to rewrite history and defend the indefensible.   Overall, his "views" showed an astounding lack of insight.  Everything was painted…and a really off color.  There’s the act of painting the actual stars in the night sky (realism) then there’s Van Gogh’s version of the night sky (impressionism) and then there’s Limbaugh’s view, where you just vomit on the canvas at night and hope for the best (host-depressionism). 

The other day Glenn Beck over on Fox News said, "Progressives are all about evolution," as if that’s a bad thing. Sure I want to evolve.  Things have evolved for quite some time on this planet, until cable news came along.  I’ll tell you what, Glenn, you stay out my evolution and I’ll try to stay out of your stagnation.  Sound fair and balanced?  Yeah, well you don’t…  Of course, I do have more respect for Mr. Magoo, aka, Glenn Beck, than I do for Lush Bimbo.  Beck saw this collapse coming almost as soon as I did.  And he also at least tries to remind everyone—to the chagrin of his handlers—that this is not just a Dem created collapse.  But Project Fox has reached maximum velocity, so many initiates now only hear what they want to hear (see: A Crank and his Blog with Don Johnson).  But someone needs to review Glenn’s work before he pulls out that chalk board.  He sounds like he’s hitting on certain valid points at times, but the overall impression, well, a certain character from Tim Burton’s Alice in Wonderland comes to mind.  He’s just plain mad (hint: not the angry connotation). 

This may come as a surprise to you, but I am not that politically savvy, nor do I—as the Crank rightly points out—know squat about economics.  I just have the ability to see things objectively, which in today’s world can make you akin to a Nostradamus of your time.  I am miles ahead of the "leading thinkers" of this Tea Party movement, and that’s more of a slam on them than any praise for me. The problems this country faces are not going to be solved by handing power back over to those most culpable for our demise.  But any good integralist should be more understanding of all views.  I know, I know…I need to be a little more tolerant of all perspectives, even stupid ones.  I will meditate on this.  Stupid perspectives.  OK, I need to work on this.  Breathe…breathe…breathe. OK, I will start a Crankitude list to remind myself of the beauty and wonder of all of my fellow Americans—stupid perspectives.  

All right, let’s try to reach some common ground.  Beck and I agree on the preservation of the Constitution. The Constitution was designed to protect my progress and your lack thereof.  I also, like Glenn, have increasing sympathy for certain nutso conspiracy theories.  Beyond that, I’m having a hard time following your, ahem, logic.  I think you’re doing important work; I just want someone connecting the dots that isn’t sniffing so much at the magic markers, is all.  On most nights, Beck’s train of thought resembles the end of that Silver Streak movieI agree, the shadow side of green (certain liberals) might well do some damage to the Constitution, in the guise of an enlightened view.  I am particularly worried about the 1st and 2nd Amendments.    Sure most liberals have moved from an ethno to a world-centric perspective, but this does not mean they have all, or even any, of the answers to today’s problems.  Two words, Jimmy Carter.  We need to find a way to move into the 21st century without destroying ourselves.  The worst of the green perspective (liberals), doesn’t care if our economy and our society tanks, even irreparably so.  A certain level of collapse is imminent, but I am hoping we eventually re-emerge with innovation leading the way.  Like at Toyota, which seems to be breaking away from the pack (literally).  But I’m not holding my breath (though with conditions in the Valley today, I probably should).  America needs to show the world that a country can successfully shift to alternate fuel sources and make money in the process.  The liberal pluralists and eco-terrorists of the world don’t understand that by destroying ourselves, it won’t stop the rest of the world from polluting.

The Crank keeps implying that the Tea Party and I have a lot of similar complaints.  This may be true, but, on their current trajectory, the Tea Party will only succeed in returning Republicans to office in the mid-terms and beyond.  All the cheerleaders, for the right and left, are embarrassments at this point.  Olbermann on MSNBC talked about the culture of corruption when the Republicans were in charge, and rightly so, and now Hannity is talking about the culture of corruption on the left, and rightly so.  But to say it’s an individual aisle side issue (IASI) is staggering in 2010.  Throw the bums out should have a much broader meaning in the 21st century.  You can not limit corruption and stupidity to one side of the aisle at this point, unless you are corrupt and stupid.  Ooops, some name calling again.  I mean, Neuronically deficient.

 You know what we should do?  Kick all of those Dems out of office and get some GOP folks back in there.  My ass hasn’t stopped hurting yet since the last time the republicans were in orifice…but this time is going to be different, baby.  Apparently, it takes an average of seven times to leave an abusive relationship—unless we’re talking about political parties, in which case, add some zeros. 

I can see their campaign slogans now:  This time things are going to be different, honey.  Honest.  Vote R in the mid-terms.

It’s time for the Transcosmetic Party!  It’s time to embrace reason, or at least take reason out for a movie and some ice cream.  I hope reason isn’t wearing one of those difficult bra clasps. God, I hate those.  I still have nightmares…

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