Sarcastically Salving Society
Home of the Transcosmetic Party
A Place for Raging Moderates, Tragic Optimists, and Integral Outcasts
April 19, 2014
OCD MEETUP GROUP TO MEET AT 1PM, 2PM, 3PM, 4PM, 5PM, 6PM. 7PM, 8PM, 9PM, 10PM, 11PM, 12AM, 1AM, 2AM..........(MARQUEE BUFFERING) • AS SNEEZING DEATHS RISE IN 14 STATES, CONSERVATIVE THINK TANK LINKS BRUTAL ALLERGY SEASON TO OBAMACARE • AS PART OF A LIBERAL PLOY, COASTAL CITIES ACROSS THE GLOBE DUMPING BILLIONS INTO "CLIMATE CHANGE" FLOOD PREVENTION • DEPRESSION INCREASES CHANCE OF SADNESS IN COSTLY DISCORD STUDY • RETRACTION: OUR HEADLINE "MICK ZANO TO REPLACE JOHNNY CARSON" SHOULD HAVE READ "STEPHEN COLBERT TO REPLACE DAVID LETTERMAN" • FOX NEWS POLL: ONLY FOUR PEOPLE ON OBAMACARE AND THEY ALL HATE IT • FRANTIC MESSAGE FROM FLIGHT 370'S BLACK BOX, "BATTERY RUNNING LOW. PLEASE PLUG IN THE AC ADAPTER." •
TopicsTopics
ContributorsContributors
FeaturesFeatures
Subscribe Now Subscribe Now
Search The Discord Search The Discord
About Us About Us
Contact Us Contact Us
Site Map Site Map
Be our friend...
...with benefits
Show us your tweets...
Follow The Daily Discord on Twitter
...and we'll show you ours
Follow The Daily Discord on MySpace
Dick Cheyney: In My Pants
Presidential All Seeing Eye

Kiester Island

Khamenei Rork and Tattoo Ahmadinejad

Bill Clinton and his Asian Harem

Obama squares of with Gandalf the Gray over Health Care

Tactics to Draw Out Al-Qaeda in Afghanistan Questioned, Danish Mohammed cartoons for sale

Second Inconvenient Truth Linked to Al Gore’s Cross-Dressing

Moe-hammad
The Hand of God
Semi-Unified Conspiracy Theories
By The Crank
The Crank

There’s a lot going on today and with our media tanking it’s time we learned the truth! Conspiracy theories are rampant, yet what are we to make of the Age of Misinformation? The Daily Discord has paid me handsomely to get to the bottom of several of the leading stories of our time. I, The Crank, found most of the loose strings of a generation and tied them into a nice little bow. On that note, I could really use that case of Coca Cola now, Mr. Winslow. It would be better for everyone if it arrived soon…

It wasn’t planes that brought down the W.T.C. on 9/11, it was Rodan and Mothra. Fracking woke them from their subterranean slumber and now they’re pissed. Only good thing…at least now they’re heading toward Japan.

Bush is the space alien from area 51, and, yes, it IS all his fault. He is not in Texas, as they would have us believe. No one can "clear brush" for that long. He was called back to the Klingon Home World to answer for a failed mission. Just when exactly WAS the last time anyone has seen him?

Atlantis was located off the coast of New Jersey, and it was the largest landfill on Earth. It collapsed under the weight of untold tons of ancient shit. The whole Atlantis theory was an epic sewage fail cover-up by the prehistory Mafia. Even Plato alludes to the fact they built it with substandard rocks.

Justin Beiber is the next Anti-Christ and can only be beaten at the Apocalypse by a shirtless William Shatner. (Who has actually beaten Genghis Khan, Napoleon and Hitler in past Apocalypses, also shirtless)

If you play any Joe Walsh song backwards, it makes perfect sense.

The Most Interesting Man In The World is, in fact, Jewish. (Stay tzameh my friends?) Dos XX was originally called He-Brew.

The Etrade Babies are real!! They actually run Wall Street from tiny offices inside the Bull statue’s testicles…which is somehow fitting.

People who die while filming themselves for ‘Jackass’ all come back as MSNBC employees.

John Boehner is a pothead. Look carefully at him next time. Red, moist eyes, heavy lids, slurred speech, hyper emotional. Oh, and he was last sighted entering a secret area beneath the Capital steps with a copy of the Affordable Care Act, a half eaten bag of potato chips, and a rather large doobie. Much laughter/coughing heard later.

Mohammed reincarnated back as Barney Frank. Paybacks are a beeoch. (Fatwah anyone?)

Ronnie James Dio was an Italian Leprechaun. His rainbow ended at a Pot ‘o’ Sauce.

Donald Trump’s hair is actually a portal to an alternate universe where corporations run everything. Oh, wait, that’s here….

Bigfoot killed Kennedy because he "knew too much." The grassy knoll was some type of forest sprite that took the rap.

Rupert Murdoch is actually a Ferengi after ear reduction surgery. (Think about it…)

Ozzy Osborne sold his soul to the Devil. It was returned for a manufacturer’s defect. When he does reach and remain indefinitely in purgatory…well, that could make one hell of a reality television show.

Hidden in the Affordable Care Act is a new law making use of the term ‘epic fail’ taxable.

Zombies ARE real. "Attention shoppers and welcome to Wal Mart"

The Supreme Court Justices are naked under their robes, and have secret ties to Grounds Keeper Willy. That’s why they never smile. All except Justice Thomas. He smiles. He has reason to smile.

Primus makes music that has subliminal messages in it that make you dance like an idiot. Try it. You start out looking all cool, then within seconds your arms are flapping and your knees are bowing and you are clucking like a chicken. The military is currently trying to weaponize this technology.

I hope this clears some things up.

The Crank

Share on Facebook Share on Twitter Subscribe to the Discord
Discord Videos
Coming Soon! Summer of 2014! or Thereabouts
Coming Soon! Summer of 2014! Or Thereabouts
Share on Facebook Share on Twitter Subscribe to the Discord


Discord's Daily Discharge
Discord's Daily Discharge
Share on Facebook Share on Twitter Subscribe to the Discord
 Arizona Cable Company Airs Our 1st Commercial!
 The Lowell Observatory Incident: Putting the Ass Back Into Asstronomy
 Breaking News Into Tiny Shards of Sensationalism
 Startling Ineptness Haunts Discord Ghost Investigation!
More Videos...
Decrepit Discord
 Committee Calls "Mulligan" on 2014 Winter Olympics
 New Evidence Emerges for Flight 370: the Plot Stiffens
 Your Pets Don't Love You
 Mitch McConnell "Man of Mystery" Meme Takes Net by Storm
 Discord Staff Vows to Repeat the Mistakes of Last St. Patrick's Day
 And the Winner of the Dumbest Quote of the 21st Century Goes To...
 A Despondent Obama Last Seen Wandering Toward Columbia Heights
 How Obama Earned His 41% Approval Rating, or at Least Is Renting to Own
 Why Didn’t They Handout Aluminum Foil Hats at CPAC? an Oversight?
 Mr. Smith "Nearly Done" Reading the Affordable Care Act
 Al Gore Releases More Ozone-Depleting Gases Into the Atmosphere
 Discord to Move Away From Content in Favor of 24/7 Pledge Drives
 CPAC Run!
 U.S. Deploys Cast of Game of Thrones to Crimea
 I Didn’t Leave the Discord, the Discord Left Me: Oh, and I Didn’t Have Email
 Investigation Uncovers Problem With Sochi Opening Ceremony
 After "No Hell" Bomb, Pope Tweets "And the Bible's Kind of a Shit Show"
 And the Tasteless Joke of the Year Goes To...
 Star Trek V Space Case
 Discord Celebrates First Accurate GOP Prediction of 21st Century
 The Captain and Tennille Split Up: Millions Rejoice
 The 80's Called and They Want Their Bad Joke Back
 Arizona’s SB1062: Fabulous Ousts Crabulous
 Benghazi Isn’t a Scandal, It’s a Cry for Help
 Top 10 Guinness Pours in Tucson Revealed!
 On News of Death Zano Downplays Ramis/Discord Feud
 Dolphin Mothers Boycott Discord
 The Case for Obama's Impeachment, Part Five: NSA
 Disaster Strikes Last Day of Olympics
 The Case for Obama's Impeachment, Part Four: Benghazi
 The Case for Obama's Impeachment, Part Three: Obamacare
 The Case for Obama's Impeachment, Part Two: Fast & Furious
 The Case for Obama's Impeachment, Part One: IRS
 Train Transporting Crude Oil Doesn’t Blow Up
 Satellite Confirms the Only Light in N. Korea Is a Motel 6
 Pope
 Deport Every Politician Thwarting Obama on Iran
 Market Crashes As Yellen Giggles and Farts Through Confirmation Hearing!
 93,000 Liters of Beer Are Lost Each Year in Facial Hair in the UK Alone
 Ticket Emerges That Finally Captures the GOP’s Values
 Discord's Daily Discharge
 Religion Added to DSM-V
 Reaganomics: Don't Let an Economist Tell You Different
 Stock in Grumpy Cat Collapses
 Haunted Tucson: the Hotel Congress
 Have You Spoken to Your Kids About Benghazi?
 A Confused Putin Pardons Justin Bieber
 Discord Super Game Coverage
 The Main Reason Republicans Will Lose the Future
 Hef and the Dead
 During SOTU Obama Mentioned Alimony 14 Times and Chardonnay 37 Times
 Rosetta Scandal: Obama’s Blunders Deciphered!
 Egypt Builds Cage for Prospective Leader...Just in Case
 God Implicated in Climate Change Hoax
 Obama Sells Arizona Back to Mexico
 ObamaCare Unveils New "Fun Size" Healthcare Enrollments
 As Arizona’s CPS Closes Brewer Opens the "Jan-Line"
 Hillary Asks Discord to "Stop Helping!"
 Arizona Cable Company Airs Our 1st Commercial!
 Journalism Lives!…umm, on the Left
RSS Subscriptions
Search
About Us
Contact Us