Sarcastically Salving Society
Home of the Transcosmetic Party
A Place for Raging Moderates, Tragic Optimists, and Integral Outcasts
January 30, 2015
OBAMA DECLARES WAR ON POISONOUS FLORIDA CATERPILLAR • PELOSI: REPUBLICANS ENDANGER CIVILIZATION • ZANO: PELOSI HAS RARE, ACCURATE STATEMENT • WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO SEND SHIT FOR THIS MARQUEE/TICKER THING, ZANO! JESUS, WHAT AM I NOT PAYING YOU FOR? —PIERCE WINSLOW • OBAMA ADMITS TO SPENDING ALL NATION'S FLEX-FUNDS ON GOLF, STARBUCKS AND BEER • CONGRESS APPROVES BILL TO...HA HA HAH! KIDDING! CONGRESS DOESN’T APPROVE BILLS • TOP LIBERALS STRESS DIPLOMACY WHEN NEGOTIATING WITH EBOLA VIRUS •
TopicsTopics
ContributorsContributors
FeaturesFeatures
Subscribe Now Subscribe Now
Search The Discord Search The Discord
About Us About Us
Contact Us Contact Us
Site Map Site Map
Be our friend...
...with benefits
Show us your tweets...
Follow The Daily Discord on Twitter
...and we'll show you ours
Follow The Daily Discord on MySpace
The Chronicles of Jack Primus Book 1
Presidential All Seeing Eye

Kiester Island

Khamenei Rork and Tattoo Ahmadinejad

Bill Clinton and his Asian Harem

Obama squares of with Gandalf the Gray over Health Care

Tactics to Draw Out Al-Qaeda in Afghanistan Questioned, Danish Mohammed cartoons for sale

Second Inconvenient Truth Linked to Al Gore’s Cross-Dressing

Moe-hammad
The Hand of God
Semi-Unified Conspiracy Theories
By The Crank
The Crank

There’s a lot going on today and with our media tanking it’s time we learned the truth! Conspiracy theories are rampant, yet what are we to make of the Age of Misinformation? The Daily Discord has paid me handsomely to get to the bottom of several of the leading stories of our time. I, The Crank, found most of the loose strings of a generation and tied them into a nice little bow. On that note, I could really use that case of Coca Cola now, Mr. Winslow. It would be better for everyone if it arrived soon…

It wasn’t planes that brought down the W.T.C. on 9/11, it was Rodan and Mothra. Fracking woke them from their subterranean slumber and now they’re pissed. Only good thing…at least now they’re heading toward Japan.

Bush is the space alien from area 51, and, yes, it IS all his fault. He is not in Texas, as they would have us believe. No one can "clear brush" for that long. He was called back to the Klingon Home World to answer for a failed mission. Just when exactly WAS the last time anyone has seen him?

Atlantis was located off the coast of New Jersey, and it was the largest landfill on Earth. It collapsed under the weight of untold tons of ancient shit. The whole Atlantis theory was an epic sewage fail cover-up by the prehistory Mafia. Even Plato alludes to the fact they built it with substandard rocks.

Justin Beiber is the next Anti-Christ and can only be beaten at the Apocalypse by a shirtless William Shatner. (Who has actually beaten Genghis Khan, Napoleon and Hitler in past Apocalypses, also shirtless)

If you play any Joe Walsh song backwards, it makes perfect sense.

The Most Interesting Man In The World is, in fact, Jewish. (Stay tzameh my friends?) Dos XX was originally called He-Brew.

The Etrade Babies are real!! They actually run Wall Street from tiny offices inside the Bull statue’s testicles…which is somehow fitting.

People who die while filming themselves for ‘Jackass’ all come back as MSNBC employees.

John Boehner is a pothead. Look carefully at him next time. Red, moist eyes, heavy lids, slurred speech, hyper emotional. Oh, and he was last sighted entering a secret area beneath the Capital steps with a copy of the Affordable Care Act, a half eaten bag of potato chips, and a rather large doobie. Much laughter/coughing heard later.

Mohammed reincarnated back as Barney Frank. Paybacks are a beeoch. (Fatwah anyone?)

Ronnie James Dio was an Italian Leprechaun. His rainbow ended at a Pot ‘o’ Sauce.

Donald Trump’s hair is actually a portal to an alternate universe where corporations run everything. Oh, wait, that’s here….

Bigfoot killed Kennedy because he "knew too much." The grassy knoll was some type of forest sprite that took the rap.

Rupert Murdoch is actually a Ferengi after ear reduction surgery. (Think about it…)

Ozzy Osborne sold his soul to the Devil. It was returned for a manufacturer’s defect. When he does reach and remain indefinitely in purgatory…well, that could make one hell of a reality television show.

Hidden in the Affordable Care Act is a new law making use of the term ‘epic fail’ taxable.

Zombies ARE real. "Attention shoppers and welcome to Wal Mart"

The Supreme Court Justices are naked under their robes, and have secret ties to Grounds Keeper Willy. That’s why they never smile. All except Justice Thomas. He smiles. He has reason to smile.

Primus makes music that has subliminal messages in it that make you dance like an idiot. Try it. You start out looking all cool, then within seconds your arms are flapping and your knees are bowing and you are clucking like a chicken. The military is currently trying to weaponize this technology.

I hope this clears some things up.

The Crank

Share on Facebook Share on Twitter Subscribe to the Discord
Discord Videos
A Slow News Day at Discord Headquarters
A Slow News Day at Discord Headquarters
Share on Facebook Share on Twitter Subscribe to the Discord


Westboro Baptist Church Vs. the Daily Discord and GOD
Westboro Baptist Church Vs. The Daily Discord and GOD
Share on Facebook Share on Twitter Subscribe to the Discord
 S.T.Q. EP 2: the Ghosts of Oatman
 The Final Final Ending of S.T.Q Episode 1
 The Exciting Conclusion of Search Truth Quest: Ep 1
 Search Truth Quest: EP 1 PT 4:
Speed Powder
More Videos...
Decrepit Discord
 Developing: Obama Set to Unveil New Keystone Pipeline Plan
 Why Don’t Folks Like the ACA? It’s Bullshit, Stupid
 Atheist Activists Can Learn a Lot From the Burgermeister
 Rogen and Franco Sent to N. Korea to Explain "Misunderstanding"
 Statler and Waldorf Weigh in on Torture
 Coach, What Do We Do If Stanton Can't Play?
 Final Thoughts on Ferguson, Torture, and Beyond
 Zano Hacks Rogen!
 Final Thoughts on the Culture War Zano Debate
 Big Government Is Bad but Big Government Torture Is Glug, Glug, Great!
 Pokey V Zano: Our Culture War for Dummies
 Einstein’s Special Theory of Terrortivity
 Conservative Think Tank Discovers Way to Get Plastic Bags Right From Your Store to a Dolphin's Face
 GOP Turns Focus of Benghazi Investigation to Giant Rock Near Spain
 Fox News Reacts to Allegations of Torture
 Lack of Evidence Only Emboldens Benghazi Truthers
 Polarization Nation Watch
 The Grand Old Potty
 Republicans Accuse God of Being "Weak on Terror"
 Final Biblical Prophecy Fulfilled!
 Dems Distance Themselves Further From Strengthening Economy
 Team S.T.Q. Asked to Hunt Down Vlad the Impala?
 S.T.Q. EP 2: the Ghosts of Oatman
 Obama Uses Executive Order to Overrule Turkey Pardon
 Cranky Crank’s Damage Repair
 The GOP: Putting the ID Back Into Ideology
 Interview With the Zanblogger
 Fat Albert and Several Cosby Kids Allege Cosby Abuse
 Stay Calm and Daily Discord
 Charlie Manson Upgrades Forehead Tattoo
 Discord’s Scotland Independence Post Deemed a Hoax
 Dear Hollywood, Please Get Post-Apocalyptic Vegas Right!
 Bush Senior: Wakes up Every Morning in Cold Sweat Asking, "Is George Jr Still in Charge?"
 Reptilican Virus Spreading in the Elderly
 Adults...Shouldn't We Just Keep Electing Them?
 Zano’s 21 Day of Self-Imposed Ebola Isolation Deemed 'Job Avoidance' Stunt
 Before the Most Interesting Man in the World...
 The Ebola Spring
 Somehow This Captures the Essence of the Midterms
 High Life in the Pines Indie Music Festival: Featuring Lit
 Post Midterms: Discord Reaches Potty Humor Capacity
 Zano: Inconsolable, Sobbing and Refusing to Leave Local Bar
 Republicans Seize the Dung! Crape Diem?
 The Final Final Ending of S.T.Q Episode 1
 Colorado's First Pot Related Fatality
 Congressman’s Protest in Front of Library Ends Poorly
 Typhoid Kaci? Will Obama Authorize Drone Strike on Quarantine-Violating Nurse?
 Jack Primus Thwarts Conservative Attempt to Reanimate Undead Voters
 Introducing the President and Vice President of the United States!
 Please Find Literate Folks to Defend the Constitution
 Second Hanks Lawsuit in As Many Weeks
 A Confused Canada Challenges ISIS to Pick up Hockey Game
 CDC Downplaying Ebola Victims Sudden Craving for Human Flesh
 Let’s Do the Time Warp Again
 Discord Endorses Warren Webb Ticket!
 Is the Constitution Obsolete in This Zano Nation?
 Discord Business Model Switching to "All Cats and Babies"
 The Exciting Conclusion of Search Truth Quest: Ep 1
 Discord Fast Approaching One Ad Per One Lawsuit Ratio
 Hundreds Washed to Sea During Cyclone Protest in India
RSS Subscriptions
Search
About Us
Contact Us