Sarcastically Salving Society
Home of the Transcosmetic Party
A Place for Raging Moderates, Tragic Optimists, and Integral Outcasts
March 30, 2015
I GAVE UP GIVING UP THINGS FOR LENT FOR LENT • OBAMA DECLARES WAR ON POISONOUS FLORIDA CATERPILLAR • PELOSI: REPUBLICANS ENDANGER CIVILIZATION • ZANO: PELOSI HAS RARE, ACCURATE STATEMENT • WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO SEND SHIT FOR THIS MARQUEE/TICKER THING, ZANO! JESUS, WHAT AM I NOT PAYING YOU FOR? —PIERCE WINSLOW • OBAMA ADMITS TO SPENDING ALL NATION'S FLEX-FUNDS ON GOLF, STARBUCKS AND BEER • CONGRESS APPROVES BILL TO...HA HA HAH! KIDDING! CONGRESS DOESN’T APPROVE BILLS •
TopicsTopics
ContributorsContributors
FeaturesFeatures
Subscribe Now Subscribe Now
Search The Discord Search The Discord
About Us About Us
Contact Us Contact Us
Site Map Site Map
Be our friend...
...with benefits
Show us your tweets...
Follow The Daily Discord on Twitter
...and we'll show you ours
Follow The Daily Discord on MySpace
Four Flags
Presidential All Seeing Eye

Kiester Island

Khamenei Rork and Tattoo Ahmadinejad

Bill Clinton and his Asian Harem

Obama squares of with Gandalf the Gray over Health Care

Tactics to Draw Out Al-Qaeda in Afghanistan Questioned, Danish Mohammed cartoons for sale

Second Inconvenient Truth Linked to Al Gore’s Cross-Dressing

Moe-hammad
The Hand of God
The John Conner Interview
By Alex Bone
The John Conner Interview
Alex Bone

I caught up to John Conner, of Terminator fame, in an abandoned WWII weapons testing range. His mother, Sarah, was off hunting radioactive rabbits with a sling shot, so I was able to speak with him without her breaking my jaw...like last time.

John: You know this interview could be jeopardizing my life as well as the entire human race, right?

Bone: Relax, I heard that the Borg only watch Fox News so I think you’ll be safe.

John: Umm, you mean Terminators. Sounds like someone’s been doing his homework.

Bone: That was just a Star Wars joke.

John: Trek.

Bone: Whatever, look, let’s get started before your mother shows up and kicks my ass again.

John: OK, but make this quick, mom has me jogging a double marathon, practice shooting, and crickets don’t pickle and can themselves, you know.

Bone: So has Judgment Day already happened?

John: (after a long stare) Ah, no.

Bone: Will there still be beer after the apocalypse?

John: What? I don’t know maybe some, but it will be popular.

Bone: That sucks. Will it be easier to get chicks into bed? You know you could do the whole ‘we’re both about to die anyway, baby’ kind of thing.

John: Since Judgment Day hasn’t happened, how would I know this?

Bone: But you should be an expert in theoretical post-apocalyptic poontang (APP). Could you program a bunch of terminators to turn levers that work turbines in power plants, like that superhero does in that School House Rock video, and solve the energy crisis?

John: Huh? Where are you coming up with this crap?

Bone: Well, Terminators are the ones who go ex-terminator, ex-terminator, right?

John: Those are Daleks and they say exterminate. Jesus, dude. Shouldn’t you be asking me about what each person could be doing to help us avoid Judgment Day?

Bone: I’ll ask the questions. Now, if say you’re dating this hot futuristic chick, but when you went back in time you ended up having sex with her mother....that could add whole new verses to that song, "I’m my own grandpa." Or what if she’s like sixty-five when you return and all nasty looking? And would you tell your girlfriend that you slept with her mom or just burn the old photos up in her attic?

John: You’re an idiot. No wonder my mother punched you. Now I should really let everyone know about this certain Terminator weakness we discovered where—

Bone: Yeah, yeah, and that lawsuit with Sarah is still pending. So if they made a super hot terminator chick, like Boomer, would you sleep with her?

John: (Smiling) I’ve already done that, man, but again it’s a Terminator...Boomer is a Cylon.

Bone: Babylon 5?

John: Battlestar Galactica.

Bone: Oh, well you got some cyber nukkie, so high five, bro! Now let’s get back to the whole beer issue. Shit here comes your mom! I have to go. Oh no, she has that sling shot and it’s filled with cholla!

I barely escaped and, due to certain well targeted missiles, I was forced to type this whole interview standing. So after Judgment Day, there will be beer, but much less of it. But the chicks will be easier, so stock up on beer now and, wow, the apocalypse could rock! Thank you for visiting the Discord’s Science Department, where non-fiction meets considerable friction.

Share on Facebook Share on Twitter Subscribe to the Discord
Discord Videos
A Slow News Day at Discord Headquarters
A Slow News Day at Discord Headquarters
Share on Facebook Share on Twitter Subscribe to the Discord


Westboro Baptist Church Vs. the Daily Discord and GOD
Westboro Baptist Church Vs. The Daily Discord and GOD
Share on Facebook Share on Twitter Subscribe to the Discord
 S.T.Q. EP 2: the Ghosts of Oatman
 The Final Final Ending of S.T.Q Episode 1
 The Exciting Conclusion of Search Truth Quest: Ep 1
 Search Truth Quest: EP 1 PT 4:
Speed Powder
More Videos...
Decrepit Discord
 How Did the GOP Become Such Koch Suckers?
 Manmade Vs God-Given Rights
 As Keystone XL Bill Approaches GOP "Outraged" by Obama Pun Prank
 Our ‘Unalienable Rights’ Have Nothing to Do With Ancient Aliens, Zano
 Niagara Fails: Man's Attempt to Go Over Falls in Igloo Ends Badly
 Mysterious Martian Haze Identified
 New Psychedelic Drug Shows Promise for Unicorn Research
 Farewell Jon Stewart, You Propaganda Spewing Buffoon!
 Southwestern Drought Threatens Sheriff Joe’s Waterboarding
 50 Shades of Grey Crayons Are a Marketing Bust
 The Koch Brothers Solve Donor Summit Dilemma
 Republicans Can Have High IQs Too, WTF?
 After Six Months of Bombing Shit Out of ISIS Obama Requests Authorization to Bomb Shit Out of ISIS
 Integral Thought Doesn’t Have a Prayer
 Man Fakes Seizure at Restaurant After Tip App Fails
 White House Lawn Drone "Acted on Own"
 9/11 Was an In-Saudi Job!
 Japan to Release Monster-X on ISIS
 Romney Out: "I'm Determined to Pave Way for an Even Less Viable Candidate"
 Arizona’s Wall to Nowhere
 Is the GOP Losing Their Midterm Erection?
 Paranormal Entities Sue Discord Over Rights Infringements
 A Slow News Day at Discord Headquarters
 Boehner Breaches Protocol Again!
 Discord Captures Essence of Netanyahu Visit
 Judge Sentences Michelle to Four Semesters of Her Own School Menu
 Climate Stability and Conservative Thought: What Are Two Things Not Happening
 Zano Deciphers Trickle-Down Economics
 The Kennedy Center Nominees Looked Like a Strange Bunch This Year
 With New Romney Campaign Comes New Approach to the 47%
 Please Don’t Bring the Shit-Show Here
 Reality Show Package Deals Now Available!
 Discord Reacts to Cruz’s New Oversight Position
 A Tale of Two Stations
 Expedition for Remote Yields Cache of Froot Loops
 Kansas to Be Divided Into Neighboring States
 Live From the Discord's Weather Center in Flagstaff
 Confirmed Hoax: Latest Plesiosaur Sighting Blue Whale in Plesiosaur Costume
 Jeb Bush "Terminates" Ties to All Evil Corporations
 Isn't It Time to Disband Sith Majorette Tryouts?
 Is Anyone Outside of Fox Surprised "The Pause" and "Climategate" Are Both Bullshit?
 N. Korea Vows to Unleash Rare Edition Charzard on U.S.
 What President John Q. Republican Would Do "from Day One" in 2016
 Local Man Has “Explanation” for Rectum Firework ER Visit
 Obama Flip Flops on The Interview Decision
 The Daily Discord Vows to Drop the Ball in 2015
 Al Gore Stokes Anti Heat Miser Rhetoric
 So What If the Majority Whip Spoke to White Supremacists?
 Westboro Baptist Church Vs. the Daily Discord and GOD
 The Bush Administration Did Get Something Right
 Developing: Obama Set to Unveil New Keystone Pipeline Plan
 Why Don’t Folks Like the ACA? It’s Bullshit, Stupid
 Atheist Activists Can Learn a Lot From the Burgermeister
 Rogen and Franco Sent to N. Korea to Explain "Misunderstanding"
 Statler and Waldorf Weigh in on Torture
 Coach, What Do We Do If Stanton Can't Play?
 Final Thoughts on Ferguson, Torture, and Beyond
 Zano Hacks Rogen!
 Final Thoughts on the Culture War Zano Debate
 Big Government Is Bad but Big Government Torture Is Glug, Glug, Great!
RSS Subscriptions
Search
About Us
Contact Us