Sarcastically Salving Society
Home of the Transcosmetic Party
A Place for Raging Moderates, Tragic Optimists, and Integral Outcasts
July 6, 2015
I GAVE UP GIVING UP THINGS FOR LENT FOR LENT • OBAMA DECLARES WAR ON POISONOUS FLORIDA CATERPILLAR • PELOSI: REPUBLICANS ENDANGER CIVILIZATION • ZANO: PELOSI HAS RARE, ACCURATE STATEMENT • WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO SEND SHIT FOR THIS MARQUEE/TICKER THING, ZANO! JESUS, WHAT AM I NOT PAYING YOU FOR? —PIERCE WINSLOW • OBAMA ADMITS TO SPENDING ALL NATION'S FLEX-FUNDS ON GOLF, STARBUCKS AND BEER • CONGRESS APPROVES BILL TO...HA HA HAH! KIDDING! CONGRESS DOESN’T APPROVE BILLS •
TopicsTopics
ContributorsContributors
FeaturesFeatures
Subscribe Now Subscribe Now
Search The Discord Search The Discord
About Us About Us
Contact Us Contact Us
Site Map Site Map
Be our friend...
...with benefits
Show us your tweets...
Follow The Daily Discord on Twitter
...and we'll show you ours
Follow The Daily Discord on MySpace
Kallisti Publishing
Presidential All Seeing Eye

Kiester Island

Khamenei Rork and Tattoo Ahmadinejad

Bill Clinton and his Asian Harem

Obama squares of with Gandalf the Gray over Health Care

Tactics to Draw Out Al-Qaeda in Afghanistan Questioned, Danish Mohammed cartoons for sale

Second Inconvenient Truth Linked to Al Gore’s Cross-Dressing

Moe-hammad
The Hand of God
Cannibals Offended by the Name Zombie
By Erisa Brahe
Erisa Brahe

USA – There are many reports of bizarre and carnivorous crimes sweeping the country, from a nude Miami-man gnawing on his victim’s face, to a New Jersey man wielding his own intestines as a weapon against police, to a local Shaman doing inappropriate things to people’s skulls.

There are many who fear these are precursors to a full blown Zombie Apocalypse. While this has many Doomsday Preppers running to their cat-food-filled bunkers with glee, the uproar has left one neglected demographic insulted and alienated: your friendly neighborhood cannibal.

The pro-cannibal program, Cannibals for Humans as an Ethical Food Source (CHEFS), is working diligently to defend the civil rights of cannibals within the U.S. and promoting awareness of this unique life style choice.

President of CHEFS, Manny Tacos, told the Press today, "A zombie is a fantastical creature that is the animated remains of a deceased human with an insatiable craving for the brains of the living. Cannibals, on the other hand, are living humans who consume all of the succulent cuts of flesh from all hominids and deserve to be treated with the same rights and respect as any other minority group." 

With their slogan, "If you are what you eat, umm, connect the fucking dots already!" CHEFS’ past efforts have covered a wide range of issues from Florida’s Stand Your Ground Meat Laws, to promoting organ donations, to helping develop Huftu (Human-flavored Tofu).

"Some of my friends only eat Vegans," said Mr. Tacos, "which I think is a noble gesture. And, in a show of good faith, we have dropped our lawsuit against the makers of the Manwich for false advertising."

Currently, CHEFS is producing a massive ad campaign designed to inform and reassure the public that "Mostly harmless cannibals, not zombies, are devouring folks."

Mr. Tacos feels it’s similar to the Wanda Syke’s, "When you say, ‘That’s so gay.’ Do you realize what you are saying?" ad.

CHEFS has funded a series of ads and billboards designed to calm the masses, with slogans like, "We’re not Zombies. Please don’t flee," and "Become an organ donor...today!"

"Calling a cannibal a zombie is like calling a Republican a Democrat, a pirate a ninja, a Fox News anchor a journalist, or a journalist a Discord contributor," said Tacos, who then left to retrieve some fava beans and a dry Chianti from his pantry.

This gave me enough time to chew though my bonds and escape the human-sized cooking pot in his kitchen. I’m Elisa Brahe, reporting for The Daily Discord, happily not the other white meat.

Share on Facebook Share on Twitter Subscribe to the Discord
Discord Videos
Zano V Rhythm
Zano v Rhythm
Share on Facebook Share on Twitter Subscribe to the Discord


A Slow News Day at Discord Headquarters
A Slow News Day at Discord Headquarters
Share on Facebook Share on Twitter Subscribe to the Discord
 Westboro Baptist Church Vs. the Daily Discord and GOD
 S.T.Q. EP 2: the Ghosts of Oatman
 The Final Final Ending of S.T.Q Episode 1
 The Exciting Conclusion of Search Truth Quest: Ep 1
More Videos...
Decrepit Discord
 U.S. Convinces Iran to Turn Nuke Program Into Brewery
 Let's Give Zano Partial Credit on This One
 Cosby’s Giving Me a Woody
 Colorado's First Pot Related Fatality
 20% of All Colorado Pot Diverted to Make Last Old Spice Commercial
 Cheney Yells "This Is Torture!" Before Strangling Kitten
 Aaron Hernandez Sentenced to One Date With Jodi Arias
 Dear GOP, What Is Your Infatuation With People Who Are Always Wrong?
 Research: Hunting With AK47s Helped Early Humans Outsmart Neanderthals
 Say Hello to the Third Amigo!
 Cruz to Redirect NASA Funds to "Global Space Fence"
 Since the Government Has My Dic Pics...
 Hipsters
 God Claims Responsibility for Devastating Tornado
 From Common Core to Common CAIR
 Western Breweries Fight Drought With New Extra Dry IPA
 Kerry Blames "Extended Iran Negotiations" on "Urinating in Public" Charge
 Study: Republican Party Dropped on Head As Child
 Glenn Beck and the Emperor's New Caliphate
 Ayatollah Adamant Iran: "Not Seeking Bomb"
 Rand Paul Requests: "That List of Crazy Shit I Have to Say to Win Primary"
 The Civil Wrong Movement
 Ted Cruz Compares Himself to Galileo
 Caliphates and Terror and Russian Bears, Oh My!
 Only 595 Days Until Hillary
 Chimpanzees Now Capable of Legislating
 Spring Is in the Err
 Six Climbers Missing After Attempting to Scale Bill O'Reilly's Ego
 Congress Takes Aim at Last Functional Aspects of Government
 NASA Agrees to Ignore Climate Change If Cruz Agrees to One-Way Mars Mission Reality Show
 My Shitty Kids
 Stephen Hawking Names Daily Discord "Greatest Threat to Mankind"
 The AM Radio Circus: Fire-Breathing Clowns Juggling Elephant Poo
 Boehner Orders Cooler Do-Nothing-Congress Chair
 Florida Bans Words ‘Climate Change’ in Favor of ‘Tidal Terrorism’
 47 GOP Senators: Treason or Just a Felony?
 Harrison Ford's Explanation Raises More Questions
 Music Is Still Free!
 How Is ISIS Radicalizing Our Children?
 A Couple of Quick Points
 Netanyhu Follows up Famous "Bomb" Diagram With "Iran Plan"
 Brevity Is the Soul of Wit so I Will Keep This Rebuttal Under Twenty Pages
 Obama Apologizes to Netanyahu for Adjacent Firework Display/Rock Drummer Tryouts
 Final Solution for Harry Reid's Eye Troubles Unveiled
 That Which We Call a Radical by Any Other Name
 To Refute Global Warming Senator Pulls Testicle Off Defenseless Snowman
 Scott Walker Has "No Idea Where All This Blood Came From"
 How Did the GOP Become Such Koch Suckers?
 Manmade Vs God-Given Rights
 As Keystone XL Bill Approaches GOP "Outraged" by Obama Pun Prank
 Our ‘Unalienable Rights’ Have Nothing to Do With Ancient Aliens, Zano
 Niagara Fails: Man's Attempt to Go Over Falls in Igloo Ends Badly
 Mysterious Martian Haze Identified
 New Psychedelic Drug Shows Promise for Unicorn Research
 Farewell Jon Stewart, You Propaganda Spewing Buffoon!
 Southwestern Drought Threatens Sheriff Joe’s Waterboarding
 50 Shades of Grey Crayons Are a Marketing Bust
 The Koch Brothers Solve Donor Summit Dilemma
 Republicans Can Have High IQs Too, WTF?
 After Six Months of Bombing Shit Out of ISIS Obama Requests Authorization to Bomb Shit Out of ISIS
RSS Subscriptions
Search
About Us
Contact Us