Sarcastically Salving Society
Home of the Transcosmetic Party
A Place for Raging Moderates, Tragic Optimists, and Integral Outcasts
October 2, 2014
OBAMA DECLARES WAR ON POISONOUS FLORIDA CATERPILLAR • PELOSI: REPUBLICANS ENDANGER CIVILIZATION • ZANO: PELOSI HAS RARE, ACCURATE STATEMENT • WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO SEND SHIT FOR THIS MARQUEE/TICKER THING, ZANO! JESUS, WHAT AM I NOT PAYING YOU FOR? —PIERCE WINSLOW • OBAMA ADMITS TO SPENDING ALL NATION'S FLEX-FUNDS ON GOLF, STARBUCKS AND BEER • CONGRESS APPROVES BILL TO...HA HA HAH! KIDDING! CONGRESS DOESN’T APPROVE BILLS • TOP LIBERALS STRESS DIPLOMACY WHEN NEGOTIATING WITH EBOLA VIRUS •
TopicsTopics
ContributorsContributors
FeaturesFeatures
Subscribe Now Subscribe Now
Search The Discord Search The Discord
About Us About Us
Contact Us Contact Us
Site Map Site Map
Be our friend...
...with benefits
Show us your tweets...
Follow The Daily Discord on Twitter
...and we'll show you ours
Follow The Daily Discord on MySpace
The Chronicles of Jack Primus Book 1
Presidential All Seeing Eye

Kiester Island

Khamenei Rork and Tattoo Ahmadinejad

Bill Clinton and his Asian Harem

Obama squares of with Gandalf the Gray over Health Care

Tactics to Draw Out Al-Qaeda in Afghanistan Questioned, Danish Mohammed cartoons for sale

Second Inconvenient Truth Linked to Al Gore’s Cross-Dressing

Moe-hammad
The Hand of God
Cannibals Offended by the Name Zombie
By Erisa Brahe
Erisa Brahe

USA – There are many reports of bizarre and carnivorous crimes sweeping the country, from a nude Miami-man gnawing on his victim’s face, to a New Jersey man wielding his own intestines as a weapon against police, to a local Shaman doing inappropriate things to people’s skulls.

There are many who fear these are precursors to a full blown Zombie Apocalypse. While this has many Doomsday Preppers running to their cat-food-filled bunkers with glee, the uproar has left one neglected demographic insulted and alienated: your friendly neighborhood cannibal.

The pro-cannibal program, Cannibals for Humans as an Ethical Food Source (CHEFS), is working diligently to defend the civil rights of cannibals within the U.S. and promoting awareness of this unique life style choice.

President of CHEFS, Manny Tacos, told the Press today, "A zombie is a fantastical creature that is the animated remains of a deceased human with an insatiable craving for the brains of the living. Cannibals, on the other hand, are living humans who consume all of the succulent cuts of flesh from all hominids and deserve to be treated with the same rights and respect as any other minority group." 

With their slogan, "If you are what you eat, umm, connect the fucking dots already!" CHEFS’ past efforts have covered a wide range of issues from Florida’s Stand Your Ground Meat Laws, to promoting organ donations, to helping develop Huftu (Human-flavored Tofu).

"Some of my friends only eat Vegans," said Mr. Tacos, "which I think is a noble gesture. And, in a show of good faith, we have dropped our lawsuit against the makers of the Manwich for false advertising."

Currently, CHEFS is producing a massive ad campaign designed to inform and reassure the public that "Mostly harmless cannibals, not zombies, are devouring folks."

Mr. Tacos feels it’s similar to the Wanda Syke’s, "When you say, ‘That’s so gay.’ Do you realize what you are saying?" ad.

CHEFS has funded a series of ads and billboards designed to calm the masses, with slogans like, "We’re not Zombies. Please don’t flee," and "Become an organ donor...today!"

"Calling a cannibal a zombie is like calling a Republican a Democrat, a pirate a ninja, a Fox News anchor a journalist, or a journalist a Discord contributor," said Tacos, who then left to retrieve some fava beans and a dry Chianti from his pantry.

This gave me enough time to chew though my bonds and escape the human-sized cooking pot in his kitchen. I’m Elisa Brahe, reporting for The Daily Discord, happily not the other white meat.

Share on Facebook Share on Twitter Subscribe to the Discord
Discord Videos
Search Truth Quest: EP1 Part 3: Lair of the Hot Barista
Search Truth Quest: EP1 Part 3: Lair of the Hot Barista
Share on Facebook Share on Twitter Subscribe to the Discord


Search Truth Quest: Part 2 EP 1: Undulating Maggots of Doom
Search Truth Quest: Part 2 EP 1: Undulating Maggots of Doom
Share on Facebook Share on Twitter Subscribe to the Discord
 Search Truth Quest: Part 1 EP1: Chud Vendetta
 Camera Down! Now Maybe He'll Have Some Time for Our Editing.
 Discord One Step Closer to Pulitzer for Beiber Coverage
 Discord's Daily Discharge
More Videos...
Decrepit Discord
 Prescott’s Haunted Hotel St. Michael: Oops, Ghost Found
 Burger King Abandons U.S. for Canada!
 Discord CEO Moves All Reporters Into a 1957 Winnebago
 Rand's Brand Banned in Fox Land
 Search Truth Quest: Part 2 EP 1: Undulating Maggots of Doom
 Another Controversial Discord Ad
 Putting the 'Fun' Back Into Fundamentalism
 This Day in Future History: President Perry Bombs U.N.
 Orson Calling Mork: Orken Spacecraft Surround Earth!
 Parmesan Cheese Newest Tool in Battle Against Drug Addiction
 Obama Asks Bush About That Mission Accomplished Banner
 Flagstaff’s McMillan Pub: the Good, the Bad, and the Zano
 Lauren Bacall, Best Known for Her Role in Scooby-Doo: the Goblin King, Is Dead at 89
 Homer's Touching Tribute to Robin Williams
 Malaysia Unveils Plans for New Global Rail System
 Discord Moment of Silence for Robin Williams
 Christie Warns: "I Will Shoot the Next Reporter Who Mentions Bridgegate in the Face"
 I’m Not Joining the Discord, Zano, so Kindly Fuck Off!
 Obama Denies Ordering Airstrikes on Iraq
 Search Truth Quest: Part 1 EP1: Chud Vendetta
 Gaza Psychologist Just Doing End of Life Therapy
 Negativity Bias, Interpersonal Circumplexes, and Other Political Psychobabble
 Homer Simpson: the Most Interesting Meme in the World
 Another Shopper Vanishes Into the Bloomingdale Triangle
 Bloom Vs Bieber: High Elf Vs Low Life
 Artificial Self-Esteem Bolstering for Dummies
 Theory Emerges After Appearance of Third Siberian Sinkhole
 Man Taken Aboard the Loch Ness Monster by Alien Bigfoots
 Discord Interpretation of Recent News Headline Questioned
 The Forces of Yig Gain Major Foothold in the Crawdad Apocalypse War
 Local Teen Sleuths Solve Casey Case-um
 To Summarize the Distraction That Is the GOP
 Immigrant Children Transformed Into Renewable Energy Source
 Russia Standing by 10-Minute Rocket Launcher Tutorial for Rebels
 Mizpah Hotel in Tonopah: Ghost Adventures V Ghost Blunders
 Impeachment: You're Doing It Wrong
 Yes, It’s All Part of a Vast Left Wing Conspiracy, Called Thinking
 This Just in From Crank Headquarters
 Read Between the Lies
 Secretaryian Violence Increases in Syria
 The 2-Million Tons of Unaccounted for Plastic in Our Oceans Found
 Women Will Eventually Rule: Zano Interpretation of the Ukraine Ceasefire
 The Iraq War and the Edge of Harshness
 What Were Republicans, Daddy?
 Obama: the Worst President Never
 The Day Obi-Wan Really Started to Worry About His Apprentice
 Gays Forcing Nationwide Califabulous
 Sarah Palin Speaks...Badly
 Breaking Vlad?
 Stewart Destroys Discord in Daily Show Diatribe
 Breaking: Alex Bone Has an Alien Chest-Buster Living Inside Him
 GOP Now Deems ‘Painfully Obvious’ Comments Insightful
 Apology VXIC: Yes, We Can No Longer Count This High in Roman Numerals
 After Supreme Court Ruling Discord Mistakenly Attacks Chick-fil-A
 GM Claims Fiery Crash New Feature Not Design Flaw
 Ah, to Be a Republican Website for a Day
 Guided by Voices: Crescent Ballroom, Phoenix 6/15/14
 Should the Discord Have an Age Limit?
 Mount Rushmore: What Went Right and Wrong
 Battle of Biden Hill: Poor Poor Pitiful D?
RSS Subscriptions
Search
About Us
Contact Us