Sarcastically Salving Society
Home of the Transcosmetic Party
A Place for Raging Moderates, Tragic Optimists, and Integral Outcasts
March 3, 2015
I GAVE UP GIVING UP THINGS FOR LENT FOR LENT • OBAMA DECLARES WAR ON POISONOUS FLORIDA CATERPILLAR • PELOSI: REPUBLICANS ENDANGER CIVILIZATION • ZANO: PELOSI HAS RARE, ACCURATE STATEMENT • WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO SEND SHIT FOR THIS MARQUEE/TICKER THING, ZANO! JESUS, WHAT AM I NOT PAYING YOU FOR? —PIERCE WINSLOW • OBAMA ADMITS TO SPENDING ALL NATION'S FLEX-FUNDS ON GOLF, STARBUCKS AND BEER • CONGRESS APPROVES BILL TO...HA HA HAH! KIDDING! CONGRESS DOESN’T APPROVE BILLS •
TopicsTopics
ContributorsContributors
FeaturesFeatures
Subscribe Now Subscribe Now
Search The Discord Search The Discord
About Us About Us
Contact Us Contact Us
Site Map Site Map
Be our friend...
...with benefits
Show us your tweets...
Follow The Daily Discord on Twitter
...and we'll show you ours
Follow The Daily Discord on MySpace
Dick Cheyney: In My Pants
Presidential All Seeing Eye

Kiester Island

Khamenei Rork and Tattoo Ahmadinejad

Bill Clinton and his Asian Harem

Obama squares of with Gandalf the Gray over Health Care

Tactics to Draw Out Al-Qaeda in Afghanistan Questioned, Danish Mohammed cartoons for sale

Second Inconvenient Truth Linked to Al Gore’s Cross-Dressing

Moe-hammad
The Hand of God
America’s Newest Trend: Anti-life Coaching
By Alex Bone
Alex Bone

Life Coaching has remained a fast-growing offshoot of the counseling field for years now. One clear advantage, you don’t need all of those pesky "credentials." Life Coaches help people reach for their true goals while taking their money so they have less capital to do so. Life Coaching affirmations include, ‘Reach for your full potential’ and ‘I’m so special, I deserve to do whatever I want and to hell with the rest of you.’

Here, in the land of perpetual progressive positive support (PPPS), everyone gets a trophy. It’s like that Minnesota Senator said when he was just a comedian, "I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and doggone it, people voted for me."

However, just as the Life Coaching craze is reaching new heights, a new type of coaching is hitting the scene, the Anti-Life Coach. With the damage done and a Nation whittling itself away through the endless enabling of entitled assholes, isn’t it time to reverse the tide?

We at the Discord tracked down one of these new pioneers, William Lynn, and he was more than happy to fill us in.

"Life Coaching builds people up, how stupid is that? Like Americans have any problems with positive self esteem, please. Have you seen the kids these days? They want cell phones at age six and it had better be a smart phone or some parent will have enough laxative poured into their drink to make a hippo crap an elephant," said Lynn. "I think it’s far more vital to explain to people why they suck and aren’t really all that important."

Lynn’s books include Aren’t We All Just a Bunch of Money Grubbing Sheep? and  We’re All Going to be Dead Soon Anyway, so Get the Fuck Over Yourselves.

When I asked if Mr. Lynn was familiar with the Discord’s Ghetto Shaman, he said, "He epitomizes our movement. He understands on a level I don’t even understand. He’s somehow tapping into our collective fuckupitude," said Lynn.

When asked how often his services were being used, he laughed in my face and called me a broke loser before continuing. "There aren’t enough hours in the week to shoot down all the pompous a-holes out there, but to ignore your question; most of my clients are teens. Teenagers are well known for their ‘know everything’ attitude and their undeserved feelings of entitlement. Some parents will pay a fortune for me to take their brats down a couple of notches. Sometimes I even get a bonus if they leave my office in tears. Awwwe, you want a lollypop? You are a fucking lollypop, you barely employable, high school dropout shit head! Get used to dumpster diving for your lollypops, bitch."

Others are less fond of this new school of coaching. Dr. Moonmurmur Freecloud had this to say: "Lynn’s idea that Americans need to be brought down instead of up is ridiculous. Just because most Americans are shamelessly spoiled, does not mean they don’t have feelings. Why just the other day, my Mercedes was in the shop and I was forced to drive our Cadillac SUV to the office, how embarrassing. I thought I’d never recover. My therapist heard an earful over that one. Oh could you excuse me, the heiress Cullenta is here and I need to help her come to grips with her vacation home conundrum."

Delving deeper into this new Anti-Life trend helped me discover a laundry list of ‘issues’ Anti-Life Coaching claims to be able to help one overcome. This list includes: Thinking you are always right, Grandiosity, Being happy, Positive self-esteem, Entitlement, Lack of self-loathing, Chronic lack of self-loathing, Feeling better than others, Not wanting to kill yourself, Failure to self criticize, Not over-analyzing your every move, Unrealistic goals, Positive Body Image, and Thinking you could still be a rock star, artist, sports hero, author, or spoof news journalist.

Lynn summed it up thusly. "We’re just giving you a reality check. Face it, in the grand scheme of things most of us are just boring losers. America tried to drill it into our heads that we are special and bound for great things and glory, but most are likely to veg in front of the TV all day in a messy room that you’re just too lazy to clean."

Then Lynn started to insult me, claiming that he had read my work and stated I was way too full of myself. I told him he was obviously an imbecile for not recognizing my genius and then punched him in the ear. In the ensuing battle, he kept criticizing my fighting techniques, which just made me punch him harder. One of his lackeys called the police and I’m writing this article from the jail library. Winslow is refusing to bail me out, again. He thinks I need some humility too and is thinking about hiring an Anti-life coach for me. It figures.

Share on Facebook Share on Twitter Subscribe to the Discord
Discord Videos
A Slow News Day at Discord Headquarters
A Slow News Day at Discord Headquarters
Share on Facebook Share on Twitter Subscribe to the Discord


Westboro Baptist Church Vs. the Daily Discord and GOD
Westboro Baptist Church Vs. The Daily Discord and GOD
Share on Facebook Share on Twitter Subscribe to the Discord
 S.T.Q. EP 2: the Ghosts of Oatman
 The Final Final Ending of S.T.Q Episode 1
 The Exciting Conclusion of Search Truth Quest: Ep 1
 Search Truth Quest: EP 1 PT 4:
Speed Powder
More Videos...
Decrepit Discord
 Boehner Breaches Protocol Again!
 Discord Captures Essence of Netanyahu Visit
 Judge Sentences Michelle to Four Semesters of Her Own School Menu
 Climate Stability and Conservative Thought: What Are Two Things Not Happening
 Zano Deciphers Trickle-Down Economics
 The Kennedy Center Nominees Looked Like a Strange Bunch This Year
 With New Romney Campaign Comes New Approach to the 47%
 Please Don’t Bring the Shit-Show Here
 Reality Show Package Deals Now Available!
 Discord Reacts to Cruz’s New Oversight Position
 A Tale of Two Stations
 Expedition for Remote Yields Cache of Froot Loops
 Kansas to Be Divided Into Neighboring States
 Live From the Discord's Weather Center in Flagstaff
 Confirmed Hoax: Latest Plesiosaur Sighting Blue Whale in Plesiosaur Costume
 Jeb Bush "Terminates" Ties to All Evil Corporations
 Isn't It Time to Disband Sith Majorette Tryouts?
 Is Anyone Outside of Fox Surprised "The Pause" and "Climategate" Are Both Bullshit?
 N. Korea Vows to Unleash Rare Edition Charzard on U.S.
 What President John Q. Republican Would Do "from Day One" in 2016
 Local Man Has “Explanation” for Rectum Firework ER Visit
 Obama Flip Flops on The Interview Decision
 The Daily Discord Vows to Drop the Ball in 2015
 Al Gore Stokes Anti Heat Miser Rhetoric
 So What If the Majority Whip Spoke to White Supremacists?
 Westboro Baptist Church Vs. the Daily Discord and GOD
 The Bush Administration Did Get Something Right
 Developing: Obama Set to Unveil New Keystone Pipeline Plan
 Why Don’t Folks Like the ACA? It’s Bullshit, Stupid
 Atheist Activists Can Learn a Lot From the Burgermeister
 Rogen and Franco Sent to N. Korea to Explain "Misunderstanding"
 Statler and Waldorf Weigh in on Torture
 Coach, What Do We Do If Stanton Can't Play?
 Final Thoughts on Ferguson, Torture, and Beyond
 Zano Hacks Rogen!
 Final Thoughts on the Culture War Zano Debate
 Big Government Is Bad but Big Government Torture Is Glug, Glug, Great!
 Pokey V Zano: Our Culture War for Dummies
 Einstein’s Special Theory of Terrortivity
 Conservative Think Tank Discovers Way to Get Plastic Bags Right From Your Store to a Dolphin's Face
 GOP Turns Focus of Benghazi Investigation to Giant Rock Near Spain
 Fox News Reacts to Allegations of Torture
 Lack of Evidence Only Emboldens Benghazi Truthers
 Polarization Nation Watch
 The Grand Old Potty
 Republicans Accuse God of Being "Weak on Terror"
 Final Biblical Prophecy Fulfilled!
 Dems Distance Themselves Further From Strengthening Economy
 Team S.T.Q. Asked to Hunt Down Vlad the Impala?
 S.T.Q. EP 2: the Ghosts of Oatman
 Obama Uses Executive Order to Overrule Turkey Pardon
 Cranky Crank’s Damage Repair
 The GOP: Putting the ID Back Into Ideology
 Interview With the Zanblogger
 Fat Albert and Several Cosby Kids Allege Cosby Abuse
 Stay Calm and Daily Discord
 Charlie Manson Upgrades Forehead Tattoo
 Discord’s Scotland Independence Post Deemed a Hoax
 Dear Hollywood, Please Get Post-Apocalyptic Vegas Right!
 Bush Senior: Wakes up Every Morning in Cold Sweat Asking, "Is George Jr Still in Charge?"
RSS Subscriptions
Search
About Us
Contact Us