Sarcastically Salving Society
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August 2, 2015
I GAVE UP GIVING UP THINGS FOR LENT FOR LENT • OBAMA DECLARES WAR ON POISONOUS FLORIDA CATERPILLAR • PELOSI: REPUBLICANS ENDANGER CIVILIZATION • ZANO: PELOSI HAS RARE, ACCURATE STATEMENT • WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO SEND SHIT FOR THIS MARQUEE/TICKER THING, ZANO! JESUS, WHAT AM I NOT PAYING YOU FOR? —PIERCE WINSLOW • OBAMA ADMITS TO SPENDING ALL NATION'S FLEX-FUNDS ON GOLF, STARBUCKS AND BEER • CONGRESS APPROVES BILL TO...HA HA HAH! KIDDING! CONGRESS DOESN’T APPROVE BILLS •
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Apparently, Two Beers and a Free Meal = $48.50
By Dave Atsals
Apparently, Two Beers and a Free Meal = $48.50
Dave Atsals

This might come as a shock to some of you, but I, Dave Atsals, spend a lot of time in bars. Unless this is my probation officer, in which case they are called coffee shops. I normally refer to these neon establishments as restaurants with refreshments. I spend so much time in bars, in fact, on occasion I must work to augment my income, aka, pay off my bar tab.

On this note, I would like to post a conversation I had with a couple who had funny accents...certainly not locals. Let’s call them John and Mary. Our scene opens with me, Mr. Tall Dark and Handsome, walking over and handing them their check.

This conversation is retold almost verbatim:

John: Mr. Atsals, my steak on the steak salad I ordered was well done, I asked for it to be cooked medium.

Mary: And I did not like the Broiled Haddock at all! 

Me: Very sorry folks and thank you for bringing this to our attention. What at this point do we need to do to improve? Mary, what was wrong with your fish?

Mary: Nothing, I guess. I just don’t like Haddock. I have never tried it before.

Me: Did you get a menu when you arrived?

Mary: Yes, of course.

Me: Why didn’t you order something you liked?

Mary: I thought I might be adventurous tonight and try something different.

Me: Ahh, yes, haddock was a pretty gutsy move, but if you did not like it why did you eat all of it?

Mary: Not sure. Hungry, I suppose.

Me: Bob—

John: ...It’s John.

Me: Right, I see you ate everything as well. Why didn’t you let us know it was not prepared properly so we could re-cook it for you?

John: It was actually pretty good, but I just don’t think I should have to pay.

Me: I think I understand. Okay, so what can I do to make you happy?

John: I do not think we should be charged for any of our food, just for our two draft beers.

Me: Okay, we can do that. The two draft beers come to a total of $48.50.

Mary: Oh...thank you for not charging us for the food. Do you have change for a $100?

Me: Sure do.

John: Thanks for understanding. We will tell our friends how accommodating you were in this situation.

Me: Marvelous. Have a great night!

IT WAS $1.00 DRAFT NIGHT LOL, LMAO, AND WTF?????

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