Sarcastically Salving Society
Home of the Transcosmetic Party
A Place for Raging Moderates, Tragic Optimists, and Integral Outcasts
December 18, 2014
OBAMA DECLARES WAR ON POISONOUS FLORIDA CATERPILLAR • PELOSI: REPUBLICANS ENDANGER CIVILIZATION • ZANO: PELOSI HAS RARE, ACCURATE STATEMENT • WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO SEND SHIT FOR THIS MARQUEE/TICKER THING, ZANO! JESUS, WHAT AM I NOT PAYING YOU FOR? —PIERCE WINSLOW • OBAMA ADMITS TO SPENDING ALL NATION'S FLEX-FUNDS ON GOLF, STARBUCKS AND BEER • CONGRESS APPROVES BILL TO...HA HA HAH! KIDDING! CONGRESS DOESN’T APPROVE BILLS • TOP LIBERALS STRESS DIPLOMACY WHEN NEGOTIATING WITH EBOLA VIRUS •
TopicsTopics
ContributorsContributors
FeaturesFeatures
Subscribe Now Subscribe Now
Search The Discord Search The Discord
About Us About Us
Contact Us Contact Us
Site Map Site Map
Be our friend...
...with benefits
Show us your tweets...
Follow The Daily Discord on Twitter
...and we'll show you ours
Follow The Daily Discord on MySpace
Beano
Presidential All Seeing Eye

Kiester Island

Khamenei Rork and Tattoo Ahmadinejad

Bill Clinton and his Asian Harem

Obama squares of with Gandalf the Gray over Health Care

Tactics to Draw Out Al-Qaeda in Afghanistan Questioned, Danish Mohammed cartoons for sale

Second Inconvenient Truth Linked to Al Gore’s Cross-Dressing

Moe-hammad
The Hand of God
Alex Bone: Arizona’s New Homelessness Advocate
By Cokie McGrath
Cokie McGrath

Outside the Collapsing Shack, AZ—In a freakish turn of events not seen since that last Crank feature, Alex Bone has sworn off all societal ‘responsibilities’ and ‘obligations.’ Inspired by the Discord’s own ‘Occupy Space’ movement, Bone Man has not only joined the ranks of the homeless, but is working diligently on a statewide movement for others to join him in his crusade against rent, mortgages, and roofs in general.

The Discord caught up to Alex, where he was hiding from the police behind a dead tree in the woods just south of town. There, our own Cokie McGrath asked why he had chosen the road less cozy.

"It wasn’t just because I didn’t have the money to pay my rent," said Bone. "There is waaaay more to it than that. These days they expect you to pay for your home, pay for your utilities, pay for your food, and even pay for your sex!"

Cokie asked him to elongate...er, to elaborate on that last part:

"Yeah sex, the only reason you need a place is because chicks dig beds and heating and all that other sissy stuff. From now on I’m only going to go out with women who dig me for me...sure I’m wet when it rains and I freeze when it’s cold and I’m forced to eat rotting food from dumpsters, but...what was the question? And another thing, paying bills is stupid. The Native Americans didn’t have bills. Land of the free, my ass, how about land of the bills?! I’m not quitting my job, so don’t call me a bum, I’m just spending money on what I choose to. I’ve been at it for a while now and I already have an extra two thousand dollars in my bank account. Suck on that Arizona Power Service! Now if only the bank would let me in so I could withdraw some of it. So what if I smell a little? It’s a price I’m willing to pay."

Mr. Bone is now trying to convince others to adopt his carefree lifestyle and has released a seven-CD set entitled: Shirk Your Way to Prosperity. When we asked how he was able to keep his job without bathing and such, Alex Bone said, "I have enough money now to buy a new shirt every day if need be." He then took a sniff of his armpit. "And, by Yig’s scaly beard, need be...but I prefer to wash my clothes in the company’s bathroom sink, while washing my feet in the toilet. They’re always encouraging us to multi-task, right? I’m starting to get a few weird looks, but it’s worth it. I have so much money now I treated myself to two twelve packs last night. That’s almost a case using the metric system, woo hoo!"

When Cokie asked him about his Anti-Home Movement, Bone said, "The Sacred AHM is all about taking your freedom back and using it the way God intended, on barcrawls. Screw wasting money each month just to have a place to rest. I can rest just fine under a bridge and I have so much money now I can use my wallet as a pillow, bitches! I used to just work my ass off to have a place to drink my crummy beer. So I just cut out the middle man. Heck, if I drink enough, I don’t even notice how cold it gets. In your face UNS Gas!"

In closing Bone added, "I’m finally free. The man doesn’t own me anymore. I can even stay at City Hall some nights as part of the main Occupy Movement. Oh, and if you get a bus pass, you can just circle town and stay warm for hours. They drop you right off at the shelter and the mall, where I spend a lot of time buying lot’s of very small things that fit in my backpack. It’s almost full so I’m going to have to sell shit on Ebay so I can buy more shit. Hey, where are you guys going? If you let me take a shower at your place, I won’t smell so bad. You can’t argue with that logic. Maybe I could crash there too. I need to charge my laptop. Oh come on, I’ll buy the beer. I can afford fancy imported beer now. Did I mention that homelessness is the new rich?"

Share on Facebook Share on Twitter Subscribe to the Discord
Discord Videos
S.T.Q. EP 2: the Ghosts of Oatman
S.T.Q. EP 2: The Ghosts of Oatman
Share on Facebook Share on Twitter Subscribe to the Discord


The Final Final Ending of S.T.Q Episode 1
The Final Final Ending of S.T.Q Episode 1
Share on Facebook Share on Twitter Subscribe to the Discord
 The Exciting Conclusion of Search Truth Quest: Ep 1
 Search Truth Quest: EP 1 PT 4:
Speed Powder
 Search Truth Quest: EP1 Part 3: Lair of the Hot Barista
 Search Truth Quest: Part 2 EP 1: Undulating Maggots of Doom
More Videos...
Decrepit Discord
 Before the Most Interesting Man in the World...
 The Ebola Spring
 Somehow This Captures the Essence of the Midterms
 High Life in the Pines Indie Music Festival: Featuring Lit
 Post Midterms: Discord Reaches Potty Humor Capacity
 Zano: Inconsolable, Sobbing and Refusing to Leave Local Bar
 Republicans Seize the Dung! Crape Diem?
 The Final Final Ending of S.T.Q Episode 1
 Colorado's First Pot Related Fatality
 Congressman’s Protest in Front of Library Ends Poorly
 Typhoid Kaci? Will Obama Authorize Drone Strike on Quarantine-Violating Nurse?
 Jack Primus Thwarts Conservative Attempt to Reanimate Undead Voters
 Introducing the President and Vice President of the United States!
 Please Find Literate Folks to Defend the Constitution
 Second Hanks Lawsuit in As Many Weeks
 A Confused Canada Challenges ISIS to Pick up Hockey Game
 CDC Downplaying Ebola Victims Sudden Craving for Human Flesh
 Let’s Do the Time Warp Again
 Discord Endorses Warren Webb Ticket!
 Is the Constitution Obsolete in This Zano Nation?
 Discord Business Model Switching to "All Cats and Babies"
 The Exciting Conclusion of Search Truth Quest: Ep 1
 Discord Fast Approaching One Ad Per One Lawsuit Ratio
 Hundreds Washed to Sea During Cyclone Protest in India
 Kim Jong Un a No Show for Discord Beer Trek Competition
 Alternate Universe Vindicates Bush
 Discord Get Out the Vote Efforts Questioned
 Applause Trailing Off Mid-Set for Local Coffee Shop Duo
 As the Graham McCain Turns
 Once More Unto the Embassy Breach, Dear Friends
 Calvin and Hannity
 Battle Beneath the Planet of Benghazi
 Obama Deploys "Special Ebola Task Force" to Dallas
 Search Truth Quest: EP 1 PT 4:
Speed Powder
 White House Fence Jumper Squatting in East Room
 Flo Takes Massive Pay Cut Switching to Ailing “News” Blog
 Coalition of the Falling: Ebola Fed Ex
 Putin Annexes Pabst! Pabst Red Ruskies?
 Rise of the Radical Republican?  Boehner Inaction Figure Sold Separately
 Pope Appoints New Arches Bishop
 Is Dropping Ebola Victims on ISIL Brilliant or Diabolical?
 New Ray Rice Elevator Creating Fun and Controversy!
 Obama Creates Coalition of the Good Luck With That
 Scotland! Scotland! Scotland!
 Search Truth Quest: EP1 Part 3: Lair of the Hot Barista
 Draco Malfoy to Head Next Benghazi Witch Hunt
 Bigfoot Exonerated for Ripper Deaths!
 Giant Joint Image "Worth Its Weed in Gold" to Discord Photoshopper
 Sith Lord Revealed! Cheney Controlling President Through Darkside
 Danzig, Black Sabbath and Jesus
 In Show of Strength Obama Hoists Severed Head of Boehner on Meet the Press
 Grand Old Party to Ban Every Smarty
 Bands of Angry Displaced Cactus Roaming the Streets
 Missing Immigrant Children Smuggled to Swing States Via Metro-ground Railway
 Joan Rivers, Best Known for Her Role in the Muppets Take Manhattan, Is Dead at 81
 Rhyolite Nevada: a Place That Makes Other Ghost Towns Seem Bustling
 Is She No Better Than a Republican?
 Hackers Refusing to Release Naked Zano Pics
 Kazoo Legend Slim Addelson Inducted Into Kazoo Hall of Fame
 Dalai Discord Recruits Lama!
RSS Subscriptions
Search
About Us
Contact Us