Dear Cokie,

I need help with a situation. There’s a guy I like at work. He’s the total package…overweight, middle-aged, total alcoholic, and married! Did I mention he’s flatulent? Can you suggest ways that I can snag this fine figure of a man?

Chubby Chaser

Dear Chubby Hubby Chaser,

It’s important to take this in stages. First, invite that stud-muffin on a vacation. If his wife inquires about the trip, toss around words like "work related" and "platonic". If that doesn’t work, extend an invitation for a red-hot threesome in another state. Either way, this is sure to be a success, in a domestic violence, restraining order kind of way. If all other methods fail, it’s best to go rogue. For more information on Going Rogue, try Sarah Palin’s book of the same name.

Cokie McGrath