Sarcastically Salving Society
Home of the Transcosmetic Party
A Place for Raging Moderates, Tragic Optimists, and Integral Outcasts
March 4, 2015
I GAVE UP GIVING UP THINGS FOR LENT FOR LENT • OBAMA DECLARES WAR ON POISONOUS FLORIDA CATERPILLAR • PELOSI: REPUBLICANS ENDANGER CIVILIZATION • ZANO: PELOSI HAS RARE, ACCURATE STATEMENT • WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO SEND SHIT FOR THIS MARQUEE/TICKER THING, ZANO! JESUS, WHAT AM I NOT PAYING YOU FOR? —PIERCE WINSLOW • OBAMA ADMITS TO SPENDING ALL NATION'S FLEX-FUNDS ON GOLF, STARBUCKS AND BEER • CONGRESS APPROVES BILL TO...HA HA HAH! KIDDING! CONGRESS DOESN’T APPROVE BILLS •
TopicsTopics
ContributorsContributors
FeaturesFeatures
Subscribe Now Subscribe Now
Search The Discord Search The Discord
About Us About Us
Contact Us Contact Us
Site Map Site Map
Be our friend...
...with benefits
Show us your tweets...
Follow The Daily Discord on Twitter
...and we'll show you ours
Follow The Daily Discord on MySpace
Four Flags
Presidential All Seeing Eye

Kiester Island

Khamenei Rork and Tattoo Ahmadinejad

Bill Clinton and his Asian Harem

Obama squares of with Gandalf the Gray over Health Care

Tactics to Draw Out Al-Qaeda in Afghanistan Questioned, Danish Mohammed cartoons for sale

Second Inconvenient Truth Linked to Al Gore’s Cross-Dressing

Moe-hammad
The Hand of God
Cthulhu Officially Endorses Palin
By Alex Bone
Alex Bone

On August 8th, the undulating Cthulhu endorsed Sarah Palin for President of the United States. This Outer God is often described as ...an octopus, a dragon, and a human caricature and is regarded by H.P. Lovecraft as "a pulpy, tentacled head surmounted a grotesque scaly body with rudimentary wings." And that’s just Palin.

Dr. Coredonis, a spokesman for Cthulhu, had this to say: "It was Palin’s complete disregard for living things, poor people, animals, and poor animals that first got Cthulhu’s attention. Where others might find her ignorance of human affairs and basic lack of intelligence a negative, we at the Cult find these attributes quite compatible with our needs. The human race is like worms begging at the feet of the great master.  They are akin to a swarm of insects barely deserving of a slap. So who better than Palin as a liaison emissary type?" said Dr. Coredonis.  "With Palin at the helm, you arrogant humans will finally realize how pathetic you truly are. Those of you who don’t take your own lives outright will swear allegiance to the greatness that is Cthulhu!  It will be worse than that the Dukakis bid."

Then the Doctor tried to stab me with a hidden dagger, so I hurled him out of a nearby window—which was, unfortunately, only two stories up. Damn.  So I was forced to finish the interview by interviewing myself:


Alex: "So Alex, what do you think of all this?"


Alex 2: "I’m angry enough to spit bees! This is an insult to mankind, more than that, it’s an insult to America and we’re #1, damnit!  Granted, not in any tangible quantitative way, but certainly in quasi-pseudo flag waving moron kind of way.


I also tracked down our Stalwart correspondent, Jack Primus, to see what he had to say.

"Cthulhu thinks we aren’t in on his strategy, but we are," said Primus. "In my opinion, this is a very simple ploy. If Palin is elected, the Big C thinks we’re finished, but I say ‘Ha’ we’re already finished.  Doesn’t he get anything but Fox News?  You see, the Cult of Cthulhu is waiting for its moment to claim the planet for themselves."

Why is Palin so crucial to the Outer God’s master plan?  Some think it’s her complete disregard for humanity and all life forms.  Still others feel it is her MILFy sexiness that is winning over he who lies sleeping. But how can we even hope to guess the contemplations of a mind that predates mankind by uncountable eons? We can only hope that humanity will survive long enough for me to be able to buy those new jet skis on eBay.

When I finally got an audience with Cthulhu, I asked, "But why not just endorse Bachmann?" 

Cthulhu replied, "I may be the God of undulating doom, but I’m not crazy!"

Speaking of crazy, after that one question, I yanked off my own ears and was then dragged to the nether realms and devoured…which is not any worse than working for Winslow here at the Discord, really.

Share on Facebook Share on Twitter Subscribe to the Discord
Discord Videos
A Slow News Day at Discord Headquarters
A Slow News Day at Discord Headquarters
Share on Facebook Share on Twitter Subscribe to the Discord


Westboro Baptist Church Vs. the Daily Discord and GOD
Westboro Baptist Church Vs. The Daily Discord and GOD
Share on Facebook Share on Twitter Subscribe to the Discord
 S.T.Q. EP 2: the Ghosts of Oatman
 The Final Final Ending of S.T.Q Episode 1
 The Exciting Conclusion of Search Truth Quest: Ep 1
 Search Truth Quest: EP 1 PT 4:
Speed Powder
More Videos...
Decrepit Discord
 Boehner Breaches Protocol Again!
 Discord Captures Essence of Netanyahu Visit
 Judge Sentences Michelle to Four Semesters of Her Own School Menu
 Climate Stability and Conservative Thought: What Are Two Things Not Happening
 Zano Deciphers Trickle-Down Economics
 The Kennedy Center Nominees Looked Like a Strange Bunch This Year
 With New Romney Campaign Comes New Approach to the 47%
 Please Don’t Bring the Shit-Show Here
 Reality Show Package Deals Now Available!
 Discord Reacts to Cruz’s New Oversight Position
 A Tale of Two Stations
 Expedition for Remote Yields Cache of Froot Loops
 Kansas to Be Divided Into Neighboring States
 Live From the Discord's Weather Center in Flagstaff
 Confirmed Hoax: Latest Plesiosaur Sighting Blue Whale in Plesiosaur Costume
 Jeb Bush "Terminates" Ties to All Evil Corporations
 Isn't It Time to Disband Sith Majorette Tryouts?
 Is Anyone Outside of Fox Surprised "The Pause" and "Climategate" Are Both Bullshit?
 N. Korea Vows to Unleash Rare Edition Charzard on U.S.
 What President John Q. Republican Would Do "from Day One" in 2016
 Local Man Has “Explanation” for Rectum Firework ER Visit
 Obama Flip Flops on The Interview Decision
 The Daily Discord Vows to Drop the Ball in 2015
 Al Gore Stokes Anti Heat Miser Rhetoric
 So What If the Majority Whip Spoke to White Supremacists?
 Westboro Baptist Church Vs. the Daily Discord and GOD
 The Bush Administration Did Get Something Right
 Developing: Obama Set to Unveil New Keystone Pipeline Plan
 Why Don’t Folks Like the ACA? It’s Bullshit, Stupid
 Atheist Activists Can Learn a Lot From the Burgermeister
 Rogen and Franco Sent to N. Korea to Explain "Misunderstanding"
 Statler and Waldorf Weigh in on Torture
 Coach, What Do We Do If Stanton Can't Play?
 Final Thoughts on Ferguson, Torture, and Beyond
 Zano Hacks Rogen!
 Final Thoughts on the Culture War Zano Debate
 Big Government Is Bad but Big Government Torture Is Glug, Glug, Great!
 Pokey V Zano: Our Culture War for Dummies
 Einstein’s Special Theory of Terrortivity
 Conservative Think Tank Discovers Way to Get Plastic Bags Right From Your Store to a Dolphin's Face
 GOP Turns Focus of Benghazi Investigation to Giant Rock Near Spain
 Fox News Reacts to Allegations of Torture
 Lack of Evidence Only Emboldens Benghazi Truthers
 Polarization Nation Watch
 The Grand Old Potty
 Republicans Accuse God of Being "Weak on Terror"
 Final Biblical Prophecy Fulfilled!
 Dems Distance Themselves Further From Strengthening Economy
 Team S.T.Q. Asked to Hunt Down Vlad the Impala?
 S.T.Q. EP 2: the Ghosts of Oatman
 Obama Uses Executive Order to Overrule Turkey Pardon
 Cranky Crank’s Damage Repair
 The GOP: Putting the ID Back Into Ideology
 Interview With the Zanblogger
 Fat Albert and Several Cosby Kids Allege Cosby Abuse
 Stay Calm and Daily Discord
 Charlie Manson Upgrades Forehead Tattoo
 Discord’s Scotland Independence Post Deemed a Hoax
 Dear Hollywood, Please Get Post-Apocalyptic Vegas Right!
 Bush Senior: Wakes up Every Morning in Cold Sweat Asking, "Is George Jr Still in Charge?"
RSS Subscriptions
Search
About Us
Contact Us