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March 17, 2018
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The Hand of God
The AM Radio Circus: Fire-Breathing Clowns Juggling Elephant Poo
By Mick Zano
Mick Zano

I do occasionally get trapped somewhere in the southwest without adequate music, or company, or radio stations. I have therefore occasionally dabbled in the AM radio arts. For about an hour between Phoenix and Casa Grande I was double-teamed by Rush Limbaugh and Dennis Prager. I was really shocked by their level of revisionist history. I have no expectations for Republicans, particularly of the AM-radio variety, so how did they manage slip below my nil expectations? Just schmucky, I guess.

I usually don’t pick on this ilk, because they’re no better than the comment section at Dennis Prager is the real motivation behind my article, but first a bullshit moment from Rush Limbaugh.  Rush spent most of our time together talking about how Obama created ISIS through a combination of hating America and a liberal-funded Syrian food stamp program. But what I really enjoyed was his financial piece. Staples is apparently cutting employee hours and blaming Obamacare. Rush railed on the President for this line: "These places that make billions of dollars should not be using the Affordable Care Act as an excuse to cut basic healthcare for their employees."

Limbaugh perseverated on the word billions like a stuttering Carl Sagan. "Billions! All the companies Obama is talking about make billions of dollars?! He thinks everyone’s a billionaire!" He then explains how poor little Staples actually only makes a couple of bucks for each hundred sold in office supplies. He painted the picture of a company taxed to death and forced to sell their wares on the corner with cardboard signs stolen from UPS. Actually, some of it seemed to make sense.

Or so I thought.

Rush used Yahoo Finance to recount Staples’ horrible plight. I realized as his minions returned with the red meat that he started dancing around his original "billions and billions" attack. His whole premise was how Staples, a small mom & pop office supply store, was being raped by socialistic vultures.  How could Obama be so out-of-touch to think all of these places make billions of dollars? But, after reading the page of stats handed to him, Rush never said another word about Staples actual earnings. As it turns out, Staples profits in 2014 hit 6.22 billon, which can be construed by the liberal elite as billion(s), if you remember to carry the one and the other 5.22 BILLION! Leave off the last S for ashole. Okay that doesn’t make sense, but neither does any of Rush’s arguments, is my point.

Onward to dis Parage guy:

AM radio host, Dennis Prager, gave a truly sickening speech on 2/12/2015 for all those across America whose CD player and FM band were somehow disabled. This is the first time in my life I switched off Rush Limbaugh and things actually got worse.  Here’s the Prager speech, in all its inglory (totally paraphrased):

"I don’t often say this, but I have such a strong personal reaction to those who supported our withdrawal from Iraq. If you supported the decision to withdraw troops from Iraq you have to own the fact that you created ISIS and that you created this problem. You need to own the consequences of your decisions. If you cannot reach this conclusion, you do not have the same moral compass as I do."

—Dennis Prager

During his diatribe, I think I burned through a twenty mile stretch fog line with an incessant stream of vomit. That poor lizard. Mr. Parage then touted the success of "The Surge" and the stability of Iraq when Bush left office as examples of how he’s not just some guy sniffing glue all day at a radio station. Actually, that’s Tony Ballz.

Really, Tony, you need to stop doing that.
Really, Tony, you need to stop doing that.

See? We never should have cut funding for our No AM Radio Host Left Behind program. Please insert your moral compass into your brain, sir, which at the moment appears to be located [censored]. So you kind of skipped a couple of points from something I like to call history. Let’s get you up to speed, shall we? Speaking of speed, a lobotomized person amidst a meth-induced psychosis would make more sense.

A brief review:

  1. You obviously supported the invasion of Iraq, which created this vacuum of power in the first place.
  2. The Bush Administration disbanded the Iraqi Army, many of whom have since become the generals for ISIS.
  3. Obama was following Bush’s own withdrawal time lines from the 2008 Status of Iraqi Forces Agreement.
  4. At one time or another the U.S. armed and trained many of these assholes. Oh, and we are being shot at by them with some of our own weapons.
  5. The Iraq War did nothing to quell radicals, unless making more is somehow less.
  6. You don’t even remotely understand Obama’s approach to the Middle East, which includes pressuring more involvement from regional players and tamping down radical recruitment. My take here.

So it’s my fault that I didn’t see this imaginary connection between Saddam Hussein and 9/11? So it’s my fault for agreeing with Colin Powell’s ‘pottery barn’ analogy? It’s my fault for protesting this war from the onset? It’s my fault for predicting sectarian violence would resume as soon as our troops left, be it 2014 or 2040? While I call that insight, I think you should be inpatient. I’ll have the five, two and two readied (Haldol, Ativan, and Cogentin). In fact, let’s make it a ten, two and two.

"Just a little pin prick. They’ll be no more Aaahahhh ahh! But you may feel a little sick."

—Pink Floyd

I don’t have Dem-mentia, Mr. Prager, but you certainly suffer from Roger Ailezheimers. Oh, but you’re right about one thing. Let’s talk about the motivation behind The Surge. (I want to take a moment to apologize beforehand to all the brave men and women who fought in Iraq, family included.) I have never voiced my opinion on this blog, quite this strongly, because I’m sensitive to those who fought and died.

‘The Surge’ did do what it was designed to do. You are right about that. It was a human shield that allowed George W. Bush to slither out of office with his remaining dignity. I hope that was worth it, you $*&%ing  #^*er Fucker!

(Can you go back and censor that one, Winslow? I think I missed it.)

So essentially if you blame everyone who wanted to leave Iraq ...well, who the hell wanted to stay indefinitely? Let’s see:

  1. The Bush Administration and the Obama Administration wanted troops out of Iraq by 2015.
  2. The Iraqi Parliament demanded a full withdrawal, which was supported by the Iraqi people.
  3. Almost every Dem in the U.S. wanted to withdraw troops. In fact, Gallup showed 3 in 4 Americans supporting the withdrawal our troops in 2011.

So you’re disappointed with a lot of people, Mr. Disparage. In fact, by your own limited understanding of math and war there’s only one person who you shouldn’t be mad at.

John McCain

Why don’t you two get a room? It might make Lindsey Graham a little jealous, but I’m sure bombing the shit out of something randomly will put a smile back on all your faces. In fact, you sound insightful enough to be Senator McCain’s next vice presidential running mate. Winning!

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