Sarcastically Salving Society
Home of the Transcosmetic Party
A Place for Raging Moderates, Tragic Optimists, and Integral Outcasts
September 2, 2014
CONGRESS APPROVES BILL TO...HA HA HAH! KIDDING! CONGRESS DOESN’T APPROVE BILLS • TOP LIBERALS STRESS DIPLOMACY WHEN NEGOTIATING WITH EBOLA VIRUS • THE PERRY INDICTMENT SOUNDS LIKE BULLSHIT, BESIDES WE NEED A PERRY PRESIDENTIAL RUN...IF NOT FOR YOURSELF, DO IT FOR COMEDY! • I BELIEVE THAT THE "ICE BUCKET CHALLENGE" SHOULD ONLY BE MET IN WHITE T-SHIRTS AND NO BRA • THE MOST CONSERVATIVE CITY IN U.S. IS MESA ARIZONA • IN RELATED NEWS: THE BIGGEST SHITHOLE IN ARIZONA IS MESA • MOST LIBERAL TOWN IN ARIZONA IS FLAGSTAFF •
TopicsTopics
ContributorsContributors
FeaturesFeatures
Subscribe Now Subscribe Now
Search The Discord Search The Discord
About Us About Us
Contact Us Contact Us
Site Map Site Map
Be our friend...
...with benefits
Show us your tweets...
Follow The Daily Discord on Twitter
...and we'll show you ours
Follow The Daily Discord on MySpace
Buddhist Geeks
Presidential All Seeing Eye

Kiester Island

Khamenei Rork and Tattoo Ahmadinejad

Bill Clinton and his Asian Harem

Obama squares of with Gandalf the Gray over Health Care

Tactics to Draw Out Al-Qaeda in Afghanistan Questioned, Danish Mohammed cartoons for sale

Second Inconvenient Truth Linked to Al Gore’s Cross-Dressing

Moe-hammad
The Hand of God
The Horny Goat Weed Question
By Mick Zano
Mick Zano

What exactly is Goat Weed, let alone Horny Goat Weed?  Moving west has taught me many valuable life lessons, like the importance of staying east.  In the dank underbelly of some seedy Nevada truck stop, I found myself enthralled with a urinal condom machine (it wasn’t the first time).  On this metal cultural microcosm of western wanking were emblazoned the words "enhance your sex life with Horny Goat Weed".  Below were the words "Proven Effective".  Proven, not just "studies suggest", or "emerging research indicates", but "proven" to help me in an area that can always, always be kicked up a notch.  What the heck?  I’m not beyond enhancing my sex-life through 75 cent restroom novelty items.  Who is?  But what exactly is Horny Goat Weed?

Plight of the Phoenix: How I Stopped Worrying About On-Coming Traffic and Learned to Love the Valley
By The Crank
The Crank

Here are some of the dos and don’ts when driving around the Phoenix area

1. First, learn to pronounce the city name properly; it’s FEE-NICKS. There are other names to learn such as Awatukee (Ah-wa-Too-Kee) but that will be included in the advanced (Core-ss).

Watching the Recording Industry Shit on Me since the F-ing 60s
By The Crank
Watching the Recording Industry Shit on Me since the F-ing 60s
The Crank

The hysterical lawsuit letter you are about to read is very real, but let’s begin our tale here: in the late sixties, my earliest memories of recorded music involved 45s and albums on an ancient record player, one that my tech savvy brother-in-law managed to hook up to my brother’s accordion amp. Mono Led Zeppelin, lots of bass, who wus better’n me?

He Rode a Blazing Deficit
By The Crank
He Rode a Blazing Deficit
The Crank

In retrospect, as I watched the Circus Minimus, a.k.a. the debt ceiling debacle, my mind started to wander, as it is prone to do without Ritalin. Can there really be this many ideologically enslaved people all in one place? Do they really think we believe the talking points anymore? Then it all came into raging clarity as I watched Blazing Saddles for the 367th time last night. I don’t mean to offend with this culturally insensitive material. It’s Mel Brooks’ fault, honest. If you want to really be offended, check out one of my regular features.

Arizona’s Asphalt Jungle: why the City of Glendale can stick its Corrugated Drainpipe up its own Drainpipe
By The Crank
The Crank

As I sit here at my place of employment, gazing out at what has become the biggest fiasco-slash-cluster fuck of any city utility improvement project ever, I can’t help but think, wow, there really are more incompetent people than at the dailydiscord.com.  Hey, if you hyperlink to where you already are does that create a virtual wormhole?  Try it.

The Danger and Intrigue of Live Girl Billboards: Turning Road Rage into Road Raging Hard Ons
By Bald Tony
The Danger and Intrigue of Live Girl Billboards: Turning Road Rage into Road Raging Hard Ons
Bald Tony

This short lived mobile meat phenomenon brought new meaning to the phrase Las Vegas Strip.  The article in today’s Las Vegas Review Journal ‘Mobile Strippers Derailed’ has me both gladdened and sadden.  It is nice to see Sin City has its limits, but on the other hand Live Mobile Strippers!  Damn, I’m sorry to see them go-go.  As a Las Vegas cabbie, I can tell you, the last few weeks the meter wasn’t the only thing going up.  These mobile pleasure palaces brought myself—as well as other cab drivers, pedestrians, tourists, and everyone else in Vegas for that matter—to near Nirvana and to near death experiences.

My Facebook Needs a Face Lift
By Dave Atsals
Dave Atsals

A friend and fellow Discordian, who would like to remain Mickless, recommended we all register on Facebook, and I hate him for it.  I opened an account, a public one, no less, and thanks to Pierce Winslow’s great idea to use public accolades instead of our real names, well…let’s just say I’ve gotten about what I deserve.  NOTHING. ABSOULTELY NOTHING.  Facebook, or no, the expected herds of adoring fans have yet to materialize.  The sexy blonde female stalkers have not overwhelmed my home page.  In fact, I haven’t even had any hate mail.  Nothing, nada, nichts.   Worse yet, despite the endless spam ads assaulting my web searches, the awful truth is: there are absolutely no hot single women in my area waiting to talk to me!  None!  It’s all a lie!  AHHHHhhhhhhhh! Distraught and disenchanted, I turned to the internet to search for my true popularity.  Wikipedia’s search results for Dave Atsals are as follows...

An Open Letter To Whomever The Fuck Is Going To Actually Be “IN CHARGE” Of The “NEW” General Motors
(And, uh, hoping its not Obamarama, ‘cause, uh, then this whole letter is a total fucking waste of my time and, of course, the readers')
By The Crank
The Crank

Dear Whomever The Fuck (DWTF),

Greetings and salutations. Like I did for your buddy Sergio, let me congratulate you on assuming only the best parts of an iconic American company for free, at the taxpayer’s expense, of course, while doing the crabwalk around all the “bad” stuff. You know, like the bondholders, and companies you forced out of business by not paying for shit you bought. Great country America, isn’t it?

Michael Jackson Is Still Dead, for Now
By Pierce Winslow

The announcement that Michael Jackson died on June 25, 2009, has taken this country and the entire world by storm. However, the Discord’s own Cokie McGrath has uncovered evidence that Michael Jackson really died in a pyrotechnic accident while filming a Pepsi commercial way back in 1984. Apparently the character we have been seeing is really an animatronic facsimile of the pop star now dead for 25 years.

California Cranken
By The Crank
The Crank

Did the people of California actually vote for Pelosi and Feinstein?  God, I hope our democracy is just hopelessly broken.  Someone rigged the election, yeah, that’s it.  A good old fashioned election rigging would restore my faith in the…ahhh, broken system.

Ghost Writers in the Sand
By Mick Zano and Bald Tony

In the blazing January sun, Bald Tony and Mick Zano drove the 38 miles south from Las Vegas toward the infamous Pioneer Saloon in Goodsprings, NV.

Presidential Pet Pick Perturbs PETW
By Pierce Winslow
Pierce Winslow

It is common knowledge that President-Elect Barack Obama has promised his children that they may get a dog once they are settled into the Whitehouse. What isn't so commonly known is that the Obamas' selection of a new Whitehouse pet has created quite a furvor, and could potentially threaten his 2012 re-election bid before he is even inaugurated.

P.U.B.B. (Poets United for a Better Barroom)
By Pokey McDooris

A cultural parasite festers within the taverns and barrooms of America. Machinery grinds at our souls and sucks at our wallets. When the internet jukebox first hit the scene, we were lured by the unlimited access to songs and the improved sound quality.

Barak Obama: You Mean I’m Going to Stay this Color?
By Oscar Fogg

Not since Bobby Kennedy’s tragic drive to the White House in 1968, when he ran out of gas on I-95, has so much excitement surrounded a candidate as presidential hopeful Barak OBama.  To find an explanation for the O’bama phenomena, I traveled to the heartland of this great country.

Enter the Ghetto Shaman
By Pokey McDooris

Traditional shamanic practices employ chanting, dancing, sweat lodge and fasting to induce altered states of consciousness. Long ago, cave dwellers created these rituals to achieve insight and wisdom. With guidance from ‘plant spirits,’ shaman priests discovered roots, vines, cacti, and mushrooms that, when ingested, stimulated the nervous system, allowing access to perceptions of abnormal frequencies of consciousness.

How I Learned to Stop Worrying About Global Warming and Learned to Love the Sun
By L. Wolfe
L. Wolfe

The global computer model supports the notion of an array of “natural” factors contributing to climate change, such as solar fluctuations, fluctuations in the earth’s magnetic field, fluctuations in volcanic activity, and flatulations in a little understood process of planetary gas emissions known as Earth Fart (www.ProjectEarthFart.org). For more on this subject see my beer-reviewed journal article entitled Earth, Earth, the Magical Fruit.

No Biden Bounce, Democrats Opt for Conjoined Ticket
By Pierce Winslow
In an attempt to resolve the Obama/Clinton primary controversies once and for all the Democratic National Committee (DNC) called upon the Liberal Genetic Engineering Community (LGEC) to solve their problem.
Discord Videos
Search Truth Quest: Part 2 EP 1: Undulating Maggots of Doom
Search Truth Quest: Part 2 EP 1: Undulating Maggots of Doom
Share on Facebook Share on Twitter Subscribe to the Discord


Search Truth Quest: Part 1 EP1: Chud Vendetta
Search Truth Quest: Part 1 EP1: Chud Vendetta
Share on Facebook Share on Twitter Subscribe to the Discord
 Camera Down! Now Maybe He'll Have Some Time for Our Editing.
 Discord One Step Closer to Pulitzer for Beiber Coverage
 Discord's Daily Discharge
 Arizona Cable Company Airs Our 1st Commercial!
More Videos...
Decrepit Discord
 Artificial Self-Esteem Bolstering for Dummies
 Theory Emerges After Appearance of Third Siberian Sinkhole
 Man Taken Aboard the Loch Ness Monster by Alien Bigfoots
 Discord Interpretation of Recent News Headline Questioned
 The Forces of Yig Gain Major Foothold in the Crawdad Apocalypse War
 Local Teen Sleuths Solve Casey Case-um
 To Summarize the Distraction That Is the GOP
 Immigrant Children Transformed Into Renewable Energy Source
 Russia Standing by 10-Minute Rocket Launcher Tutorial for Rebels
 Mizpah Hotel in Tonopah: Ghost Adventures V Ghost Blunders
 Impeachment: You're Doing It Wrong
 Yes, It’s All Part of a Vast Left Wing Conspiracy, Called Thinking
 This Just in From Crank Headquarters
 Read Between the Lies
 Secretaryian Violence Increases in Syria
 The 2-Million Tons of Unaccounted for Plastic in Our Oceans Found
 Women Will Eventually Rule: Zano Interpretation of the Ukraine Ceasefire
 The Iraq War and the Edge of Harshness
 What Were Republicans, Daddy?
 Obama: the Worst President Never
 The Day Obi-Wan Really Started to Worry About His Apprentice
 Gays Forcing Nationwide Califabulous
 Sarah Palin Speaks...Badly
 Breaking Vlad?
 Stewart Destroys Discord in Daily Show Diatribe
 Breaking: Alex Bone Has an Alien Chest-Buster Living Inside Him
 GOP Now Deems ‘Painfully Obvious’ Comments Insightful
 Apology VXIC: Yes, We Can No Longer Count This High in Roman Numerals
 After Supreme Court Ruling Discord Mistakenly Attacks Chick-fil-A
 GM Claims Fiery Crash New Feature Not Design Flaw
 Ah, to Be a Republican Website for a Day
 Guided by Voices: Crescent Ballroom, Phoenix 6/15/14
 Should the Discord Have an Age Limit?
 Mount Rushmore: What Went Right and Wrong
 Battle of Biden Hill: Poor Poor Pitiful D?
 Oil Tanker Sinks Off Coast of Japan: No Monsters Take Responsibility
 Syria Disarms, Despite Republican Opposition
 Benghazi Is an Important Scandal: a Republican One
 Guy Named Francis Excommunicates Mafia?
 GOP Unveils New Plan to Take Back White House
 Sage-like Prophets Predict Iraqi Problems...in 2007
 Who Is the Sith Lord and Who Is the Sithy Boy?
 Give Them Exactly What They Deserve
 Discord Standing by Their Controversial Kasem Coverage
 Bettman Refuses to Relinquish Cup!
 Obama Visits World's Smallest Museum
 David Brat Seems Pretty Okay for a Tea Bagger
 Obama Condemns Own Drone Strike on 60s Band Procol Harum
 David and GOPliath?
 Zano Playing Ouija With John Lennon Again
 Loaded Gun Found in Toy Store Deemed Legal in Arizona
 Alternate Timeline: Fox Ramps up Ridicule Over Failure to Rescue Bergdahl
 Why I Preferred the GOP When They Were Bombing the Wrong Country
 Obama Visits Last Operational 80s Video Store
 Deceased Mime Appointed White House Press Secretary
 Most Interesting Man in the World Linked to Climate Change
 Where Climate Change Is Likely to Hit the Hardest
 Ten Children Vanish During Jackson Cirque Du Soleil Performance
 Discord Staff Turns in Combined 401Ks for Godzilla Endorsement
 The GOP: You’re All Glenn Beck Now
RSS Subscriptions
Search
About Us
Contact Us