It’s time to pick on the thought police, those destroyers of the 1^st and 2^nd Amendment rights, the fodder for Hannity’s America, the Pluralistic Pelosi Police (P³).  You know them better as those libs against liberty, hiding in their dubious Ivory Towers.  I really didn’t see much liberal indoctrination during my 6 ½ year undergraduate work stint.  I met the inside of a lot of bars and the inside of a lot of young—never mind.  Suffice to say, my study habits were poor and my drinking habits were poorer.   I drink therefore I cram, kind of sums it up nicely.  

Alex Bone’s new novel The Chronicles of Jack Primus will change your life!  It was powerful watching Bone’s main character Jack Primus grow from the kind of guy who would bash villains in the face with a steel pipe, to the kind of guy who would bash villains in the face with a six-pack of beer.  Talk about character development!

Caved-in-Shack, AZ—Something deeply disturbing is happening in Arizona.  No, I’m not talking about Janet Brewer, Immigration laws, or Mick Zano’s naked bar crawls….I’m talking about something reaaalllly disturbing.  Back when I was shelling out ten bucks a bag in New Orleans for mini-lobsters known as crawdads, how could I have known a few years later these same bastards would be on the verge of destroying my state’s ecosystem?

How dare Al-Qaeda! What despicable levels won’t these pricks stoop to, to take a young impressionable kid from Nigeria and send him to Detroit? The Monsters! Talk about Out of Africa… Luckily, the terrorist’s attempt at ruining the holidays turned into one of the best Christmas presents for America, ever.  They gave us the gift of comedy.  The whole event left more than a few people scratching their heads, or was it their crotches?

Collapsing Shack, AZ—Family fun, isn’t that supposed to be American? Nah. Helping the environment, what are you a pinko hippy type? As I attested in an earlier Discord article, the crayfish menace has reached apocalyptic proportions in Arizona. These evil, yet delicious, beasts are an invasive species bent on destroying all native aquatic life, including, yes…people! OK, not people, but frogs!

In one of the biggest news blackouts in history, we have brought to light a story that only the Daily Discord would dare to print.  Facts are slim, but how is that different from any other Discord post?

In these hard economic times, there is little I won’t do to try to snag a few free brewskis. (Please disregard anything Senator Larry Craig says I’ll do for a beer; it’s all lies!). Despite the Discord contributors’ bulging pockets, they have yet to send me a single royalty check. I heard Zano is taking his family to Costa Rica with his last check, and Winslow just bought his sixth house.  If you add Winslow’s houses and John McCain’s houses…never mind; McCain would have to know how many he has.  Anyway, can you guess what sort of scam these blog boobs try to rope me into?

In the chaos of world events and our declining economy, America has clearly entered uncertain times. We are all juggling multiple jobs, multiple credit cards, and multiple hookers (sorry Tiger).  And, as times get tighter and America decays under the weight of its own gluttony and greed, it is often harder to remember our moral priorities. This is where Fox News presents: The Five Reasons Why We Should Always Remember to Hate Homosexuals.

With the liberals telling us that love is always okay on one hand, and the GLBT movement demanding fair treatment on the other, a decent god-fearing Christian can often lose their way within the fog of human rights advocation. After all, we all know that Jesus believed we should love all mankind, unless, of course, they are different from us (Malkinicus 3:11).

I figured, Zano’s been up to see me in Vegas 5 times now, it was fine time to go see him.  Never do this.  He arbitrarily picks a weekend, and leave it to Zano to be completely oblivious about it being one of Flagstaff’s biggest event weekends.  Driving into town was worse than going from Caesar’s to Mandalay Bay on a Saturday night. Geesh! And I wasn’t even getting paid!  I think a 10 to 1 Vegas-to-Flagstaff visiting ratio from now on, Mikko.

Collapsing Shack, AZ—All across Arizona the need for traditional 28 day Recovery Programs has never been greater.  In most states an individual must be addicted to certain types of drugs to qualify for treatment. Things like alcohol, crystal meth, pain pills, and cocaine addictions will get you in, but other substances like tobacco and caffeine will not. Some other problematic addictions, like gambling and sex addiction, will not get you help either. This has unfortunately kept people like Mick Zano on the streets.

Mr. Pernick, Obama is simply preparing you for something Republicans have put off thinking about for a long time…something called the future.  Your view of reality is as short-lived as that new Facebook group, Mohammed Caricature Artists of Damascus (has the meeting been moved to Wed., Abdullah?).  In the immortal words of Dan Akroyd, "Do you want to see something really scary?"  Try reading the UK’s defense plan for the next twenty-five years.  I have.  Soylent Green, it’s Brit folk.  I think sending them all that SPAM during the war has changed their DNA.   Now if we could only find a more eco-friendly way to upgrade yours…

Has this ever happened to you? You are trying to get in touch with a friend, which, these days, doesn’t involve a phone call or a letter. Maybe you are going to go old school and send an email, instead of a text.

“Hey man, we are heading out to 151 for a few nights—the usual place. We will be BBQin, playing horseshoes, the whole bit. Do you think you can make it?”

They reply, “cool.”

As Chuck Noise recently pointed out, our communication window is quickly shrinking. We all know this, but that is not what I am here to discuss. What I am wondering is how far will the spill off from this cultural shift towards brevity go? In particular, how might it affect music in its various forms?