Sarcastically Salving Society
Home of the Transcosmetic Party
A Place for Raging Moderates, Tragic Optimists, and Integral Outcasts
March 28, 2015
I GAVE UP GIVING UP THINGS FOR LENT FOR LENT • OBAMA DECLARES WAR ON POISONOUS FLORIDA CATERPILLAR • PELOSI: REPUBLICANS ENDANGER CIVILIZATION • ZANO: PELOSI HAS RARE, ACCURATE STATEMENT • WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO SEND SHIT FOR THIS MARQUEE/TICKER THING, ZANO! JESUS, WHAT AM I NOT PAYING YOU FOR? —PIERCE WINSLOW • OBAMA ADMITS TO SPENDING ALL NATION'S FLEX-FUNDS ON GOLF, STARBUCKS AND BEER • CONGRESS APPROVES BILL TO...HA HA HAH! KIDDING! CONGRESS DOESN’T APPROVE BILLS •
TopicsTopics
ContributorsContributors
FeaturesFeatures
Subscribe Now Subscribe Now
Search The Discord Search The Discord
About Us About Us
Contact Us Contact Us
Site Map Site Map
Be our friend...
...with benefits
Show us your tweets...
Follow The Daily Discord on Twitter
...and we'll show you ours
Follow The Daily Discord on MySpace
The Chronicles of Jack Primus Book 1
Presidential All Seeing Eye

Kiester Island

Khamenei Rork and Tattoo Ahmadinejad

Bill Clinton and his Asian Harem

Obama squares of with Gandalf the Gray over Health Care

Tactics to Draw Out Al-Qaeda in Afghanistan Questioned, Danish Mohammed cartoons for sale

Second Inconvenient Truth Linked to Al Gore’s Cross-Dressing

Moe-hammad
The Hand of God
Checkout Ertel: Express Lane Only
By Ertel
Ertel

It started off like any other grocery store excursion, but I had spent the week leading up to this trip in preparation. Long, sleepless nights spent staring intently at a blank notepad, a pencil resting uselessly by its side. Frustration builds up quickly when you’re in a creative rut. I suppose I was no different from my writing forefathers: Hemingway, Wilde, even Danielle Steele got their creative wheels stuck in the mud now and again. But I knew inspiration would come. And it did. Oh, did it...

H.G. Ertel’s The Time Machine
By Ertel
H.G. Ertel’s The Time Machine
H. G. Ertel

For years scientists have disputed the possibility of time travel: matter can't travel faster than the speed of light, Zefram Cochrane won’t be born until the next century, yada yada. Other scientists just dodge the question entirely with things like, "I'm more than a little busy looking at these glass slides and shuffling these papers around" ...and, "How did you get passed the retinal scan to get in here, anyway?"

"Did Santa Just Hit On Mommy?" The Department Store Confidential
By Ertel
"Did Santa Just Hit On Mommy?" The Department Store Confidential
Ertel

Ask anyone who works, or has ever worked retail at a shopping mall during the holidays, what’s the most depressingly degrading job one could apply for, or have thrust upon them during the Christmas season, and here's how it will go down. Oh, I should add, the following yule time tale actually happened…sadly.

So You Want to Be a Bounty Hunter?
By Ertel
So You Want to Be a Bounty Hunter?
Ertel

Criminals and evildoers the world over: beware! Law abiding citizens: sleep soundly tonight knowing that in your neck-of-the-woods, local criminals (mostly the petty variety like vandals, jaywalkers, and internet pirates) will be taking a healthy dose of justice—justice served with a side-order of spit-talkin’ Dirty Harry style ‘plum mad dog mean’ true grit...I have absolutely no idea what that is even supposed to mean.

If I Had 325 Million Dollars: Song Sold Separately
By Ertel
If I Had 325 Million Dollars: Song Sold Separately
Ertel

What would YOU do with a million dollars? It's an oft asked question, right up there with "Are you a cop? Y'know you have to tell me if you are, right?" or "Dude, how much for those 99 cent potato chips?" If you asked me what I would do with a cool million before today, my answer would have been "a Branch-Davidian style compound, where I had multiple wives and would subject my followers to all-night prog-rock jam-sessions, featuring me on all instruments." After all, I'm a one-man band and I don't like sharing credit. But today the idea hit me, "What could I buy with 325 million?" and the answer became all too apparent...a planet.

Rise of the Archeostorageunitologist
By Ertel
Rise of the Archeostorageunitologist
Ertel

I have recently become extremely obsessed with the ever-expanding glut of TV shows about storage unit auctions, people taking one of a kind items into pawn shops and negotiating high-dollar bargains, and/or people rummaging around in dilapidated barns & garages for treasures that, I'm told, are high-dollar items. An antique vibrator?! $300. Thomas Jefferson's own personal butt-plug, hewn from Mount Rushmore? $4,000 all-day. A rare acetate demo of John Lennon fisting Yoko Ono with brass-knuckles? Actually, that could be ANY Lennon/Ono composition. But I'd still pay at least $2,000 for the chance to own it. This is my fault. I'm addicted to junk…thus my interest in joining Team Discord.

Discord Videos
A Slow News Day at Discord Headquarters
A Slow News Day at Discord Headquarters
Share on Facebook Share on Twitter Subscribe to the Discord


Westboro Baptist Church Vs. the Daily Discord and GOD
Westboro Baptist Church Vs. The Daily Discord and GOD
Share on Facebook Share on Twitter Subscribe to the Discord
 S.T.Q. EP 2: the Ghosts of Oatman
 The Final Final Ending of S.T.Q Episode 1
 The Exciting Conclusion of Search Truth Quest: Ep 1
 Search Truth Quest: EP 1 PT 4:
Speed Powder
More Videos...
Decrepit Discord
 Our ‘Unalienable Rights’ Have Nothing to Do With Ancient Aliens, Zano
 Niagara Fails: Man's Attempt to Go Over Falls in Igloo Ends Badly
 Mysterious Martian Haze Identified
 New Psychedelic Drug Shows Promise for Unicorn Research
 Farewell Jon Stewart, You Propaganda Spewing Buffoon!
 Southwestern Drought Threatens Sheriff Joe’s Waterboarding
 50 Shades of Grey Crayons Are a Marketing Bust
 The Koch Brothers Solve Donor Summit Dilemma
 Republicans Can Have High IQs Too, WTF?
 After Six Months of Bombing Shit Out of ISIS Obama Requests Authorization to Bomb Shit Out of ISIS
 Integral Thought Doesn’t Have a Prayer
 Man Fakes Seizure at Restaurant After Tip App Fails
 White House Lawn Drone "Acted on Own"
 9/11 Was an In-Saudi Job!
 Japan to Release Monster-X on ISIS
 Romney Out: "I'm Determined to Pave Way for an Even Less Viable Candidate"
 Arizona’s Wall to Nowhere
 Is the GOP Losing Their Midterm Erection?
 Paranormal Entities Sue Discord Over Rights Infringements
 A Slow News Day at Discord Headquarters
 Boehner Breaches Protocol Again!
 Discord Captures Essence of Netanyahu Visit
 Judge Sentences Michelle to Four Semesters of Her Own School Menu
 Climate Stability and Conservative Thought: What Are Two Things Not Happening
 Zano Deciphers Trickle-Down Economics
 The Kennedy Center Nominees Looked Like a Strange Bunch This Year
 With New Romney Campaign Comes New Approach to the 47%
 Please Don’t Bring the Shit-Show Here
 Reality Show Package Deals Now Available!
 Discord Reacts to Cruz’s New Oversight Position
 A Tale of Two Stations
 Expedition for Remote Yields Cache of Froot Loops
 Kansas to Be Divided Into Neighboring States
 Live From the Discord's Weather Center in Flagstaff
 Confirmed Hoax: Latest Plesiosaur Sighting Blue Whale in Plesiosaur Costume
 Jeb Bush "Terminates" Ties to All Evil Corporations
 Isn't It Time to Disband Sith Majorette Tryouts?
 Is Anyone Outside of Fox Surprised "The Pause" and "Climategate" Are Both Bullshit?
 N. Korea Vows to Unleash Rare Edition Charzard on U.S.
 What President John Q. Republican Would Do "from Day One" in 2016
 Local Man Has “Explanation” for Rectum Firework ER Visit
 Obama Flip Flops on The Interview Decision
 The Daily Discord Vows to Drop the Ball in 2015
 Al Gore Stokes Anti Heat Miser Rhetoric
 So What If the Majority Whip Spoke to White Supremacists?
 Westboro Baptist Church Vs. the Daily Discord and GOD
 The Bush Administration Did Get Something Right
 Developing: Obama Set to Unveil New Keystone Pipeline Plan
 Why Don’t Folks Like the ACA? It’s Bullshit, Stupid
 Atheist Activists Can Learn a Lot From the Burgermeister
 Rogen and Franco Sent to N. Korea to Explain "Misunderstanding"
 Statler and Waldorf Weigh in on Torture
 Coach, What Do We Do If Stanton Can't Play?
 Final Thoughts on Ferguson, Torture, and Beyond
 Zano Hacks Rogen!
 Final Thoughts on the Culture War Zano Debate
 Big Government Is Bad but Big Government Torture Is Glug, Glug, Great!
 Pokey V Zano: Our Culture War for Dummies
 Einstein’s Special Theory of Terrortivity
 Conservative Think Tank Discovers Way to Get Plastic Bags Right From Your Store to a Dolphin's Face
RSS Subscriptions
Search
About Us
Contact Us