Sarcastically Salving Society
Home of the Transcosmetic Party
A Place for Raging Moderates, Tragic Optimists, and Integral Outcasts
October 31, 2014
OBAMA DECLARES WAR ON POISONOUS FLORIDA CATERPILLAR • PELOSI: REPUBLICANS ENDANGER CIVILIZATION • ZANO: PELOSI HAS RARE, ACCURATE STATEMENT • WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO SEND SHIT FOR THIS MARQUEE/TICKER THING, ZANO! JESUS, WHAT AM I NOT PAYING YOU FOR? —PIERCE WINSLOW • OBAMA ADMITS TO SPENDING ALL NATION'S FLEX-FUNDS ON GOLF, STARBUCKS AND BEER • CONGRESS APPROVES BILL TO...HA HA HAH! KIDDING! CONGRESS DOESN’T APPROVE BILLS • TOP LIBERALS STRESS DIPLOMACY WHEN NEGOTIATING WITH EBOLA VIRUS •
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Betty Ford Center
Presidential All Seeing Eye

Kiester Island

Khamenei Rork and Tattoo Ahmadinejad

Bill Clinton and his Asian Harem

Obama squares of with Gandalf the Gray over Health Care

Tactics to Draw Out Al-Qaeda in Afghanistan Questioned, Danish Mohammed cartoons for sale

Second Inconvenient Truth Linked to Al Gore’s Cross-Dressing

Moe-hammad
The Hand of God
Jack Primus Thwarts Conservative Attempt to Reanimate Undead Voters
By Alex Bone
Alex Bone

Scallywag Tavern—In a bid to clinch the Senate in the coming midterm elections as well as impress chicks, the Skull and Bones chapter of the Republican Party is working out a deal with the devil known as Mamook, a pod of the Migo, and the corpse of Michael Jackson. In a last dying gasp to attempt to hold on to political relevance they have hatched a truly diabolical plan. They aim to stretch out the Day of the Dead until November 4th, pardon the pundit. The Republican Reanimation Attempt to Take the Senate (RATS) is complete and they have that buzzzzz thing from Frankenstein’s laboratory.


Please Find Literate Folks to Defend the Constitution
By Mick Zano
Mick Zano

The Constitution of the Divided States of ‘Murica is akin to The Bible, in that republicans worship it despite a nearly complete inability to understand any of the meaningful bits. Thou shalt not Teabag? I believe, post 9/11, the Constitution died. Rest In Parchment? My message then, to anyone who would listen, was this: the 2008 presidential election signaled a shift from an inauguration to a coronation, so forgive me if constitutional indiscretions seem passé. Post 9/11 our checks and balances collapsed at the feet of an imperial presidency and, yes Pokey, I make no apologies for showing some relief in the fact our current monarch has an IQ above that of a turnip. I realize this is an affront to those citizens of Turnipsylvania.


A Confused Canada Challenges ISIS to Pick up Hockey Game
A Confused Canada Challenges ISIS to Pick Up Hockey Game

Montreal, CA—In response to the recent terrorist act, Prime Minister of the Canadian Parliament Stephen Harper, is less than pleased with his Skype session with Abu Bakr al Baghdadi, the head of the Islamic State. Their on-line meeting was plagued with translation difficulties, explosions, and streaming issues that tragically spilled over into the first period of Sunday’s Blackhawk/Senators game. 

Prime Minister Harper suggested the two factions settle their differences by "meeting over a Molson and maybe playing some hockey, eh?" To the dismay of the Canadian Parliament this request was met by calls to "behead the Canadian infidels!"

Harper told The Discord today, "I know we already called this recent veteran car attack an ‘act of terror’, but this is Canada. Before we make our ultimate decision we must defer any final judgment to our goal judges in Toronto, eh? You know, after we review the instant replay."


Let’s Do the Time Warp Again
By Mick Zano
Mick Zano

It’s astounding, time is fleeting, madness takes its toll. Before I go on this epic Pokey rant, as you noted in an email exchange, our views are ultimately not that dissimilar and yet there remains this ocean of difference in the delivery, the solutions, the priorities, the context, and the bigger picture. Why? You need more real fake news in your diet, my friend, and lay off that red meat.  Ask your doctor if your heart is healthy enough for reality.


Is the Constitution Obsolete in This Zano Nation?
By Pokey McDooris
Pokey McDooris

You and I have a different idea of the nature of the constitution. The purpose of the constitution is to ensure the defense the individual against the government. Our forefathers broke away from the King of England to create a republic that recognized that all individuals were endowed by their creator with inalienable rights to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. All powers not granted specifically to the federal gov't fall to the state. All powers not granted specifically to the Fed or State fall to the local gov't and all powers not granted specifically to any gov't fall to The Daily Discord.


The Exciting Conclusion of Search Truth Quest: Ep 1
The Exciting Conclusion of Search Truth Quest: Ep 1
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Hundreds Washed to Sea During Cyclone Protest in India
Hundreds Washed to Sea During Cyclone Protest in India

Hyderbad, India—Thousands came out to the eastern coast of India yesterday to protest a coming cyclone that would later claim the lives of many of those same protestors. The powerful storm, Hudhud, plowed across India seemingly oblivious to the negative press and its sinking public opinion polls.

Many are calling this abusive relationship with the weather "a cycle of violence", or in this case a cyclone of violence. "We lost electricity in my town," said a local fisherman Richa Gavde. "That would be fine except we only just flippin’ got electricity in my town! What is the weather thinking? We live in mud huts for fuck sake. Oh, brave deity blowing over thousands of thatched roofed huts. Big man on campus. We don’t even have a campus yet, jerk!"

Introducing the President and Vice President of the United States!
Introducing the President and Vice President of the United States! Boo! Happy Halloween from The Daily Discord
Boo! Happy Halloween from The Daily Discord
 
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Second Hanks Lawsuit in As Many Weeks
Second Hanks Lawsuit in as Many Weeks
 
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CDC Downplaying Ebola Victims Sudden Craving for Human Flesh
CDC Downplaying Ebola Victims Sudden Craving for Human Flesh, It's just "a phase."
It's just "a phase."
 
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Discord Endorses Warren Webb Ticket!
Discord Endorses Warren Webb Ticket! Not fair, it should be Burns/Scrooge after several minutes of depriving their brains of oxygen.
Not fair, it should be Burns/Scrooge after several minutes of depriving their brains of oxygen.
 
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Discord Business Model Switching to "All Cats and Babies"
Discord Business Model Switching to "All Cats and Babies," Zano's cat pressured into five year contract for toys and cat nip
Zano's cat pressured into five year contract for toys and cat nip
 
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Discord Fast Approaching One Ad Per One Lawsuit Ratio
Discord Fast Approaching One Ad per One Lawsuit Ratio
 
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Kim Jong Un a No Show for Discord Beer Trek Competition
Kim Jong Un a No Show for Discord Beer Trek Competition
 
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Dated Discord
Alternate Universe Vindicates Bush
By Mick Zano
Mick Zano

Whereas history tends to repeat itself, one necessary element in this process is the time required to forget shit. Typically there are decades or even centuries between identical historical blunders (IHBs) as that’s how the whole eventually-shit-is-cyclical thing is supposed to work. But Republicans are like that guy who gets three DUIs in a 24hr period and then decides to drive to a bar. They’re insisting on F-ing everything up again, not in 2050, but by the end of their next news cycle. Quantdumb?


Applause Trailing Off Mid-Set for Local Coffee Shop Duo
Applause Trailing off Mid-Set for Local Coffee Shop Duo

Flagstaff, AZ—By all accounts they were doing great. The local band, Flag Beat, started off the set with something Simon and Garfunkley and, when the applause finally subsided, they banged out the jazzy sounds of old Jelly Roll. Then somehow the applause died off suddenly during the band’s rendition of Spandau Ballet’s True.

"I told my partner in crime there is no good time to play Spandau Ballet," said Bart Newell, the lead Saxophone of Flag Beat.

Guitar player Mark "rocket" Deluca disagreed, "It wasn’t the Spandau. When we played True at nearby Bushmaster Park, we crushed, we had them eating out of our hands."

Newell pointed out, "That’s because of the homeless population there. They didn’t like the song, they were just literally eating out of our hands."


Once More Unto the Embassy Breach, Dear Friends
By Mick Zano
Mick Zano

So Pokey, I’m brainwashed? I understand Obama’s Muslim strategy and I commend it. In fact, I suggested it years ago...to you. Our more savvy administrations will forever attempt to separate radical Muslims from those moderates as conflating the two would prove catastrophic. This is some of the Benghazi nuance you are calling a scandal. I call it don’t taunt Happy Fun Ball (SNL 1991). Obama will strike what needs striking but will, more importantly, support and foster any and all moderate Muslim voices that might emerge from this Middle East shit-show. He may well back some to a fault. [Sheikh Abdallah Bin Bayyah joke beheaded by the editor.]


Battle Beneath the Planet of Benghazi
By Pokey McDooris
Pokey McDooris

On September 12th 2012, I said, "A terrorist attack was orchestrated against our nation by Islamic Jihadists who murdered four Americans on the anniversary of 9/11." I spoke these words to anybody who would listen. You wouldn’t, Zano. I realize the coffee, the beer, and all the coffee-flavored beer is at this point a great distraction to you. So let’s just blame the hops, the barley and the coffee beans for your ignorance on this matter.


Search Truth Quest: EP 1 PT 4:
Speed Powder
Search Truth Quest: EP 1 PT 4: Speed Powder
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White House Fence Jumper Squatting in East Room
White House Fence Jumper Squatting in East Room

Washington, DC—The Secret Service is in hot water today as even more allegations have surfaced of a massive security breakdown. First, the public was led to believe the recent White House intruder only jumped the fence and made it to the front door.  The story changed on September 29th when the Secret Service admitted the intruder made it all the way to the East Room. Now they are admitting the man, Omar J. Gonzalez, not only reached the East Room, but has been living there comfortably for several weeks.

Gonzales actually first scaled the fence on August 12th and has now claimed squatter’s rights and is refusing to leave. White House lawyers admit the situation is complicated. Since the Secret Service took so long to notice Mr. Gonzales, he does have some rights to stay. Under District of Columbia Law he can remain at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue for an additional 30 days at which time he can replace Vice President Joe Biden.


Coalition of the Falling: Ebola Fed Ex
By Dr. Kwela Juluka
Dr. Kwela Juluka

I have taken a turn for the worse after my visit to West Africa.  I have fatigue, headaches, and I’m bleeding out of every orifice in/on my body...and that’s just because I write for the Discord.  Actually, I shook hands with a previously infected doctor who attributed his recovery to his Christian God rather than to medical science.  Color me stunned!  With docs like that, Africa is in for a thrill ride on the exponential Ebola train to Shitsville, which I also believe is a Monkees’ song.

Discord Get Out the Vote Efforts Questioned
Discord Get out the Vote Efforts Questioned
 
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As the Graham McCain Turns
As the Graham McCain Turns
 
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Calvin and Hannity
Calvin and Hannity
 
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Obama Deploys "Special Ebola Task Force" to Dallas
Obama Deploys "Special Ebola Task Force" to Dallas
 
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Flo Takes Massive Pay Cut Switching to Ailing “News” Blog
Flo Takes Massive Pay Cut Switching to Ailing “News” Blog, "Sometimes it’s about doing the right thing, which this isn’t." —Flo, Regressive Agent
"Sometimes it’s about doing the right thing, which this isn’t."
—Flo, Regressive Agent
 
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Putin Annexes Pabst! Pabst Red Ruskies?
Putin Annexes Pabst! Pabst Red Ruskies? “We will add their Blue Ribbon to our vast array of Olympic medals”
“We will add their Blue Ribbon to our vast array of Olympic medals”
 
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Pope Appoints New Arches Bishop
Pope Appoints New Arches Bishop, Bishop in the Box Mascot is “really pissed”
Bishop in the Box Mascot is “really pissed”
 
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Discord Videos
The Exciting Conclusion of Search Truth Quest: Ep 1
The Exciting Conclusion of Search Truth Quest: Ep 1
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Search Truth Quest: EP 1 PT 4:
Speed Powder
Search Truth Quest: EP 1 PT 4: Speed Powder
Share on Facebook Share on Twitter Subscribe to the Discord
 Search Truth Quest: EP1 Part 3: Lair of the Hot Barista
 Search Truth Quest: Part 2 EP 1: Undulating Maggots of Doom
 Search Truth Quest: Part 1 EP1: Chud Vendetta
 Camera Down! Now Maybe He'll Have Some Time for Our Editing.
More Videos...
Decrepit Discord
 Pope Appoints New Arches Bishop
 Is Dropping Ebola Victims on ISIL Brilliant or Diabolical?
 New Ray Rice Elevator Creating Fun and Controversy!
 Obama Creates Coalition of the Good Luck With That
 Scotland! Scotland! Scotland!
 Search Truth Quest: EP1 Part 3: Lair of the Hot Barista
 Draco Malfoy to Head Next Benghazi Witch Hunt
 Bigfoot Exonerated for Ripper Deaths!
 Giant Joint Image "Worth Its Weed in Gold" to Discord Photoshopper
 Sith Lord Revealed! Cheney Controlling President Through Darkside
 Danzig, Black Sabbath and Jesus
 In Show of Strength Obama Hoists Severed Head of Boehner on Meet the Press
 Grand Old Party to Ban Every Smarty
 Bands of Angry Displaced Cactus Roaming the Streets
 Missing Immigrant Children Smuggled to Swing States Via Metro-ground Railway
 Joan Rivers, Best Known for Her Role in the Muppets Take Manhattan, Is Dead at 81
 Rhyolite Nevada: a Place That Makes Other Ghost Towns Seem Bustling
 Is She No Better Than a Republican?
 Hackers Refusing to Release Naked Zano Pics
 Kazoo Legend Slim Addelson Inducted Into Kazoo Hall of Fame
 Dalai Discord Recruits Lama!
 Who’s More Serious About Climate Change? ISIS IS!
 A Theory Emerges From Ancient Astronaut Ornithologists
 Prescott’s Haunted Hotel St. Michael: Oops, Ghost Found
 Burger King Abandons U.S. for Canada!
 Discord CEO Moves All Reporters Into a 1957 Winnebago
 Rand's Brand Banned in Fox Land
 Search Truth Quest: Part 2 EP 1: Undulating Maggots of Doom
 Another Controversial Discord Ad
 Putting the 'Fun' Back Into Fundamentalism
 This Day in Future History: President Perry Bombs U.N.
 Orson Calling Mork: Orken Spacecraft Surround Earth!
 Parmesan Cheese Newest Tool in Battle Against Drug Addiction
 Obama Asks Bush About That Mission Accomplished Banner
 Flagstaff’s McMillan Pub: the Good, the Bad, and the Zano
 Lauren Bacall, Best Known for Her Role in Scooby-Doo: the Goblin King, Is Dead at 89
 Homer's Touching Tribute to Robin Williams
 Malaysia Unveils Plans for New Global Rail System
 Discord Moment of Silence for Robin Williams
 Christie Warns: "I Will Shoot the Next Reporter Who Mentions Bridgegate in the Face"
 I’m Not Joining the Discord, Zano, so Kindly Fuck Off!
 Obama Denies Ordering Airstrikes on Iraq
 Search Truth Quest: Part 1 EP1: Chud Vendetta
 Gaza Psychologist Just Doing End of Life Therapy
 Negativity Bias, Interpersonal Circumplexes, and Other Political Psychobabble
 Homer Simpson: the Most Interesting Meme in the World
 Another Shopper Vanishes Into the Bloomingdale Triangle
 Bloom Vs Bieber: High Elf Vs Low Life
 Artificial Self-Esteem Bolstering for Dummies
 Theory Emerges After Appearance of Third Siberian Sinkhole
 Man Taken Aboard the Loch Ness Monster by Alien Bigfoots
 Discord Interpretation of Recent News Headline Questioned
 The Forces of Yig Gain Major Foothold in the Crawdad Apocalypse War
 Local Teen Sleuths Solve Casey Case-um
 To Summarize the Distraction That Is the GOP
 Immigrant Children Transformed Into Renewable Energy Source
 Russia Standing by 10-Minute Rocket Launcher Tutorial for Rebels
 Mizpah Hotel in Tonopah: Ghost Adventures V Ghost Blunders
 Impeachment: You're Doing It Wrong
 Yes, It’s All Part of a Vast Left Wing Conspiracy, Called Thinking
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