Sarcastically Salving Society
Home of the Transcosmetic Party
A Place for Raging Moderates, Tragic Optimists, and Integral Outcasts
March 1, 2015
I GAVE UP GIVING UP THINGS FOR LENT FOR LENT • OBAMA DECLARES WAR ON POISONOUS FLORIDA CATERPILLAR • PELOSI: REPUBLICANS ENDANGER CIVILIZATION • ZANO: PELOSI HAS RARE, ACCURATE STATEMENT • WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO SEND SHIT FOR THIS MARQUEE/TICKER THING, ZANO! JESUS, WHAT AM I NOT PAYING YOU FOR? —PIERCE WINSLOW • OBAMA ADMITS TO SPENDING ALL NATION'S FLEX-FUNDS ON GOLF, STARBUCKS AND BEER • CONGRESS APPROVES BILL TO...HA HA HAH! KIDDING! CONGRESS DOESN’T APPROVE BILLS •
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Four Flags
Presidential All Seeing Eye

Kiester Island

Khamenei Rork and Tattoo Ahmadinejad

Bill Clinton and his Asian Harem

Obama squares of with Gandalf the Gray over Health Care

Tactics to Draw Out Al-Qaeda in Afghanistan Questioned, Danish Mohammed cartoons for sale

Second Inconvenient Truth Linked to Al Gore’s Cross-Dressing

Moe-hammad
The Hand of God
Buy Jack Primus NOW!!!
That Which We Call a Radical by Any Other Name
By Pokey McDooris
Pokey McDooris

Some random thoughts struck me this week, Zano, like squirrels on water skis, honey badger, and that hot barista over at Starbucks. Then some relevant thoughts struck me, but, since you have no answers, I thought I would list them all in an attempt to continue to annoy the crap out of you. First off, stop the placating! Start to join the voices condemning Islam as irrational, hateful, and just plain wrong. Quit encouraging these bullies and let's start our own academic Jihad! Then more squirrels on water skis.


Scott Walker Has "No Idea Where All This Blood Came From"
Scott Walker Has "No Idea Where All this Blood Came From"

Milwaukee, WI—The Governor of Wisconsin, Scott Walker, is trying to explain why he stumbled into a press conference covered in blood earlier today. Initial reports suggest the Governor entered the room clutching the still-beating heart of a known political enemy.

"I’m not sure what happened, but I do take Ambien," said Governor Walker. "So it might be a sleep walker side effect thing. One thing I can say for sure, this is not a zombie thing. That’s a different kind of walker. I’ve watched that show. It’s gross. Screw those dead beats anyway, always looking for a handout, or just a hand. No, I kill for sport...no wait, I kill for other reasons more in line with The Bible and this great nation. Oh, and I still want to be President. Hey, but I did use a gun...initially."


Manmade Vs God-Given Rights
By Mick Zano
Mick Zano

To me the ‘unalienable rights’ part of the Declaration of Independence means absolute rights that cannot be tampered with. Whereas the origin of these rights remain open to debate, the rights themselves are not. Pokey worries that without defining the origin-part, liberals will try to change shit. On that note, there’s as much Athens as Jerusalem in our founding documents so let’s begin by replacing ‘God-given’ with ‘Zeus-given’. Then let’s draw a really cool lightning bolt over the entire next paragraph and change the name of this thing to the Bill of Smites.

[Winslow: This is a continuation of a debate that has sadly been allowed to continue.]


Our ‘Unalienable Rights’ Have Nothing to Do With Ancient Aliens, Zano
By Pokey McDooris
Pokey McDooris

I've recently read one of your articles on the Discord, Zano, where you acknowledge that the individual mandate is wrong, but you still argue that Obamacare is overall good for the nation. Perhaps Obamacare is an overall benefit to the nation. I don't believe that it is, but I will hypothetically grant you the point—my problem with Obamacare is that it is unconstitutional and my problems with you go much deeper.


Mysterious Martian Haze Identified
Mysterious Martian Haze Identified

Mars—At certain intervals the red planet is spewing plumes of smoke into the air that can be seen from space. Baffled by this occurrence, NASA has shifted resources to get to the bottom of these strange atmospheric anomalies. The scientific community grew suspicious, however, when a correlation became apparent.

NASA’s representative Dr. John Dean explains, "We started seeing a pattern between the mysterious plumes of smoke and the last known coordinates of the inactive rover, Spirit. In fact, the smoke was always directly above the droid. Then we thought, hey, maybe that’s why this thing stopped working in the first place. We also noted the time of these events, 4:20 PM each afternoon. That’s when I said ‘Houston we have a pothead.’"


Farewell Jon Stewart, You Propaganda Spewing Buffoon!
By Mick Zano
Mick Zano

I’ve read a lot of articles about Jon Stewart’s departure and most of them seem unusually harsh. Both left and right seem ready to see him go, for decidedly different reasons of course. Republicans don’t like Maher or Stewart because there’s nothing like them on the right, but the left’s whining is sad and unexpected. Kidding, SNL’s Doug and Wendy have nothing on libs.


50 Shades of Grey Crayons Are a Marketing Bust
50 Shades of Grey Crayons Are a Marketing Bust

Easton, PA—A marketing idea that started with a collaborative effort between the makers of Fifty Shades of Grey and Crayola Crayons has failed. Their idea seems to have collapsed on several levels. Parents and teachers complained about the S&M themed color names and the children soon got sick of only coloring storm clouds and castles.

The CEO of Crayola takes full responsibility for the business decision, "I really don’t know what we were thinking, but the original idea did come from our Denver branch. The mile high city, if you know what I mean. But I want people to know we’ve already pulled our Breaking Black and our Beauty and the Bestiality series. I just want people to know we’re taking this seriously."

To Refute Global Warming Senator Pulls Testicle Off Defenseless Snowman
To Refute Global Warming Senator Pulls Testicle off Defenseless Snowman, And you should see what the sick bastard did to that reindeer
And you should see what the sick bastard did to that reindeer
 
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How Did the GOP Become Such Koch Suckers?
How did the GOP become such Koch Suckers? Absolute freedom for the 1% is great...if you're the 1%
Absolute freedom for the 1% is great...if you're the 1%
 
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As Keystone XL Bill Approaches GOP "Outraged" by Obama Pun Prank
As Keystone XL Bill Approaches GOP "Outraged" by Obama Pun Prank
 
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Niagara Fails: Man's Attempt to Go Over Falls in Igloo Ends Badly
Niagara Fails: Man's Attempt to go over Falls in Igloo Ends Badly
 
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New Psychedelic Drug Shows Promise for Unicorn Research
New Psychedelic Drug Shows Promise for Unicorn Research
 
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Southwestern Drought Threatens Sheriff Joe’s Waterboarding
Southwestern Drought Threatens Sheriff Joe’s Waterboarding, Will Arizona be forced to outsource torturing immigrants to Colorado?
Will Arizona be forced to outsource torturing immigrants to Colorado?
 
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The Koch Brothers Solve Donor Summit Dilemma
The Koch Brothers Solve Donor Summit Dilemma
 
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Dated Discord
Republicans Can Have High IQs Too, WTF?
By Mick Zano
Mick Zano

As you might have noticed I enjoy picking on Republicans. I’ve remained keenly aware how their ideology is not just a matter of ignorance, nor simply some mixture of cognitive distortions and propaganda. There are many ingredients in this ideological shit-soup. GOPzpacho? Bumpkin bisque? No soup jokes for you! Sorry to rain on this parody, but I want to discuss their suspiciously high IQs. Yep, you heard right...wing.


Integral Thought Doesn’t Have a Prayer
By Mick Zano
Mick Zano

Discussing integral levels of thought will undoubtedly ruffle some feathers, about 99% of the world’s feathers if Ken Wilber is any judge. That’s about the percentage of hate mail Obama received after his breakfast prayer last week. Luckily my discussion on the subject will only anger most of my 11 fans, because my fans go to 11. So do the math. No really, it’s a fraction. Anyway, Obama’s event with the Dalai Lama impressed me greatly—I mean, eggs Florentine?! Yum!


White House Lawn Drone "Acted on Own"
White House Lawn Drone "Acted on Own"

Washington, D.C.—The data recovered from a very small black box retrieved from the drone that recently crashed on The White House lawn, suggests the drone "acted alone". The information stored on the unmanned aerial vehicle also indicates the device may have become radicalized after viewing a rerun of a particularly controversial episode of Robot Chicken.

John Q. Republican doubts these initial reports. "This was not a lone drone attack. A coordinated strike would not fit snugly into this Administration’s false narrative. I think this is the first wave of a robot vanguard, which is a testament to this President’s ongoing inability to protect our borders and his failure to identify cybernetic threats—Robot Chicken related or otherwise."


Arizona’s Wall to Nowhere
By Mick Zano
Mick Zano

If you were wondering, the answer is Yes, Arizona can get dumber than the Big Wall on the Border thing. A 10-Billion dollar border bill just passed Arizona’s republican circus today, the details of which make Palin’s Iowa speech sound like Kant’s Critique on Pure Reason. I Kant explain? Who? Our budget is already straining at the seams and this is their fiscally conservative answer? Hey, but it will stop ISIS from using Fast & Furious to smuggle Death Panels into ‘Murica.


Paranormal Entities Sue Discord Over Rights Infringements
By Alex Bone
Alex Bone

From the old sofa in Tony Ballz’s Basement—As our three loyal fans can attest, The Daily Discord’s Search Truth Quest team continues to unravel the truth behind many hauntings and cryptid sightings across the southwest. Just last month we discovered that nothing paranormal whatsoever was occurring over at Hops on Birch pub. We shut this case after dedicating dozens of man hours, night after night, staking the place out. We left no Stone IPA unturned.  


A Slow News Day at Discord Headquarters
A Slow News Day at Discord Headquarters
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Judge Sentences Michelle to Four Semesters of Her Own School Menu
Judge sentences Michelle to four Semesters of her own School Menu

Washington, DC—A Federal D.C. Circuit Judge ruled against the first lady today in the case of Brown Something vs the Bored of Mashed Potatoes. As a result, the First Lady will be subjected to four semesters of her own lunch menu from Lincoln Middle School on West 16th Street. The meals will be delivered to the White House by a sheriff appointed by the court and each weekday the meal will be consumed in the presence of said Sheriff.

Republicans are calling this a major victory on the War on Tater Tots, but the President expressed his outrage today, "This is an outrage and it is today," said Obama, wholly endorsing the narrative. "You think republicans are mad about the amount of vacations we normally go on, huh? Until this court stipulation thing is over you can find us at Camp Maui."

After Six Months of Bombing Shit Out of ISIS Obama Requests Authorization to Bomb Shit Out of ISIS
After Six months of Bombing Shit out of ISIS Obama Requests Authorization to Bomb Shit out of ISIS
 
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Man Fakes Seizure at Restaurant After Tip App Fails
Man Fakes Seizure at Restaurant After Tip App Fails, Possibility of 2nd date remains dubious at this hour
Possibility of 2nd date remains dubious at this hour
 
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9/11 Was an In-Saudi Job!
9/11 was an In-Saudi Job! Yes, we’re talking about Benghazi. What were you thinking?
Yes, we’re talking about Benghazi. What were you thinking?
 
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Japan to Release Monster-X on ISIS
Japan to Release Monster-X on ISIS
 
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Romney Out: "I'm Determined to Pave Way for an Even Less Viable Candidate"
Romney Out: "I'm Determined to Pave Way for an Even Less Viable Candidate"
 
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Is the GOP Losing Their Midterm Erection?
Is the GOP losing their Midterm Erection?
 
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Boehner Breaches Protocol Again!
Boehner Breaches Protocol Again! Senator Palpatine to Address Congress
Senator Palpatine to Address Congress
 
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Discord Videos
A Slow News Day at Discord Headquarters
A Slow News Day at Discord Headquarters
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Westboro Baptist Church Vs. the Daily Discord and GOD
Westboro Baptist Church Vs. The Daily Discord and GOD
Share on Facebook Share on Twitter Subscribe to the Discord
 S.T.Q. EP 2: the Ghosts of Oatman
 The Final Final Ending of S.T.Q Episode 1
 The Exciting Conclusion of Search Truth Quest: Ep 1
 Search Truth Quest: EP 1 PT 4:
Speed Powder
More Videos...
Decrepit Discord
 Judge Sentences Michelle to Four Semesters of Her Own School Menu
 Climate Stability and Conservative Thought: What Are Two Things Not Happening
 Zano Deciphers Trickle-Down Economics
 The Kennedy Center Nominees Looked Like a Strange Bunch This Year
 With New Romney Campaign Comes New Approach to the 47%
 Please Don’t Bring the Shit-Show Here
 Reality Show Package Deals Now Available!
 Discord Reacts to Cruz’s New Oversight Position
 A Tale of Two Stations
 Expedition for Remote Yields Cache of Froot Loops
 Kansas to Be Divided Into Neighboring States
 Live From the Discord's Weather Center in Flagstaff
 Confirmed Hoax: Latest Plesiosaur Sighting Blue Whale in Plesiosaur Costume
 Jeb Bush "Terminates" Ties to All Evil Corporations
 Isn't It Time to Disband Sith Majorette Tryouts?
 Is Anyone Outside of Fox Surprised "The Pause" and "Climategate" Are Both Bullshit?
 N. Korea Vows to Unleash Rare Edition Charzard on U.S.
 What President John Q. Republican Would Do "from Day One" in 2016
 Local Man Has “Explanation” for Rectum Firework ER Visit
 Obama Flip Flops on The Interview Decision
 The Daily Discord Vows to Drop the Ball in 2015
 Al Gore Stokes Anti Heat Miser Rhetoric
 So What If the Majority Whip Spoke to White Supremacists?
 Westboro Baptist Church Vs. the Daily Discord and GOD
 The Bush Administration Did Get Something Right
 Developing: Obama Set to Unveil New Keystone Pipeline Plan
 Why Don’t Folks Like the ACA? It’s Bullshit, Stupid
 Atheist Activists Can Learn a Lot From the Burgermeister
 Rogen and Franco Sent to N. Korea to Explain "Misunderstanding"
 Statler and Waldorf Weigh in on Torture
 Coach, What Do We Do If Stanton Can't Play?
 Final Thoughts on Ferguson, Torture, and Beyond
 Zano Hacks Rogen!
 Final Thoughts on the Culture War Zano Debate
 Big Government Is Bad but Big Government Torture Is Glug, Glug, Great!
 Pokey V Zano: Our Culture War for Dummies
 Einstein’s Special Theory of Terrortivity
 Conservative Think Tank Discovers Way to Get Plastic Bags Right From Your Store to a Dolphin's Face
 GOP Turns Focus of Benghazi Investigation to Giant Rock Near Spain
 Fox News Reacts to Allegations of Torture
 Lack of Evidence Only Emboldens Benghazi Truthers
 Polarization Nation Watch
 The Grand Old Potty
 Republicans Accuse God of Being "Weak on Terror"
 Final Biblical Prophecy Fulfilled!
 Dems Distance Themselves Further From Strengthening Economy
 Team S.T.Q. Asked to Hunt Down Vlad the Impala?
 S.T.Q. EP 2: the Ghosts of Oatman
 Obama Uses Executive Order to Overrule Turkey Pardon
 Cranky Crank’s Damage Repair
 The GOP: Putting the ID Back Into Ideology
 Interview With the Zanblogger
 Fat Albert and Several Cosby Kids Allege Cosby Abuse
 Stay Calm and Daily Discord
 Charlie Manson Upgrades Forehead Tattoo
 Discord’s Scotland Independence Post Deemed a Hoax
 Dear Hollywood, Please Get Post-Apocalyptic Vegas Right!
 Bush Senior: Wakes up Every Morning in Cold Sweat Asking, "Is George Jr Still in Charge?"
 Reptilican Virus Spreading in the Elderly
 Adults...Shouldn't We Just Keep Electing Them?
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